How come mom remembers that I yell at her but she forgets to flush the toilet, take her medicines, take a bath???

My mother tell me often she already had a bath and I explain she did not. I 'll ask her does she want to smell and she'll say no. Well then a bath is in order, isn't it? I switched her Honest soap to a sweet natural blueberry one and now she loves her bath, I also power her up. I do not know how long it will last with her being cooperative about her bath now, but I told her as long as I am her primary caregiver she will have a bath every day. I think tough love is in order for the benefit of your mother. Yelling at your mother just makes matter worse and hurts ones feelings. I have more patience with my mother than anyone else in the world and though very rare I have yelled at my mother on very few occasions and it made me feel terrible. I apologized to her many times. Now I walk away, take some time for myself, close the door while another family member sits with her and then I go see her and give her a hug and tell I am sorry .This works for me. My mother is very easy going so I take the blame when I get aggravated. It is a signal to me that I am stressed and tired. Take some time for yourself, take a walk, have a cup of tea or listen to some calming music. How about a home health aide to help with bathing. Good luck.

An adult child  yelling at a parent is so much different than remembering to flush, etc.    Your yelling probably hurts her emotionally.     An unflushed toilet doesn't have the same effect.   

This isn't criticism; I understand how frustrating caregiving can be.   But take some time for yourself and think of a different way of interacting before the situation gets worse.

I don't think caregivers realize how unsettling, and especially frightening, it is to age, and therefore aren't always as able to relate to what our parents are enduring.

Weary--

Watching a LO decompensate mentally is really, really hard.

If it's someone you just 'know', a neighbor or such, you kind of shake your head and feel sad for a minute, but if it's not in your face 24/7, it really doesn't bug you.

Try LIVING with it, or having that be the way your LO is whenever you are trying to help them--it's beyond frustrating--as you've discovered.

With a 'broken brain' a person can no more make sense than they can fly. I am experiencing this with both my mom and MIL. They just talk and it's a kind of stream-of-consciousness type talking that has no beginning or end. Just talk.

As far as making mom bathe--I can only 2nd what funkyg-ma said--maybe some outside help would be good. I worked in elder care and I could get my clients to do whatever needed to be done--I was being PAID for my endless patience. I find that with my own moms--I have a very short fuse and getting angry doesn't help at all.

You ask WHY? And the sad truth is, there's no real answer. They don't process things in an orderly fashion any more. Their brains are literally changing, physically, and you can only go with the flow.

I do find that anger is pointless--when I start to get angry, b/c mom is being, well, herself, I can say goodbye and walk away.

There is no logic with dementia. As we often say at my local caregivers support group, "logic doesn't live here anymore." You will never completely understand why she says and does the things she does. And guess what? It will only continue to get worse, so if you're already struggling to keep your cool with her, it might be time to be exploring other options for her care, such as hiring fulltime help to come in(with her money of course)and assist her, or looking into placing her in the appropriate facility, where she will receive 24/7 care, and you can get your life and your joy back. You are not stuck in this situation you know? You do have options. Hoping you will take advantage of them. Best wishes.