How do caretakers handle grocery shopping?

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(grocery shopping for the elderly is a fu**king pain in the @ss, end rant). Howdy :) I wrote before how I'm the main caretaker of my 84 yr old grand dad with mild dementia. He lives by himself in a senior building, but its not an assisted living facility so he gets no help. (but they do provide the shuttle busses service to the grocery store, but he refuses to use it because he has the patience of a fly,and will bark, yell & complain). Like I'm sure many of you experience, grocery shopping as a caretaker is a total pain in the @ss. Crazy as this sounds, granddad still drives himself to the grocery store, with a neighbor in the car for safety (he shouldnt, I know). But shopping with him is a nightmare, so I'm glad I dont have to go most times. I just pray he makes it home safe. But he's getting too old & weak to go shopping. But 80% of the time he doesnt need the bull he thinks he so desperately needs, so its annoying. I just hired a home health aide but I'm unsure if she even has a drivers license (she works 3 days a week). Granddad acts like a spoiled toddler and constantly insists he needs 1000 things from the store all the time, but I hate taking him shopping because he's too slow & complains,complains, complains. He complains about where I park, complains that we didnt go early enough, etc...Also, although I drive very well and I'd be happy to go by myself, he actually complains when I drive myself to get his groceries (in his car, my car broke down). Instread of being thankful that someone is doing him a favor, he acts like an ungrateful jerk. So I no longer want to take him shopping, or go by myself because he acts like such an as^ about it. I dont know if the aide has her license (I forgot to ask her before I hired her). I could send her to the store by herself I guess.There's a neighbor I could pay about $50 a month to go, but I'm unsure what to do. How do you all handle the shopping??, and how do you handle your loved one when they make endless demands for stupid items they probably dont even need???)

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FregFlyer: Lol!! :)

and thanks for the welcome. And a blanket fort sounds nice.

Ya know, I think probably most of us caretakers are all the "good ones/good kids/nice guys" who strangely got stuck with obnoxious (sometimes impossible) parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles :)

RainMom: sorry about your Mom. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing with me!
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Morena7, yes, welcome to the forums. Anytime you see someone write that they need to put their helmet on, please note the helmet is invisible, it comes in handy if you want to bang your head against the wall.

It's been suggested if you are in too much stress, build yourself a blanket fort in your livingroom, and bring out the coloring books. I noticed that Sheldon, on the Big Bang Theory, enjoyed his blanket fort :)

Sometimes someone will mention "leaning their ears back". Just visualize an animal who is upset with their ears facing backwards and their teeth showing in a growl. How many times we all have felt like doing that.

Sounds like you need a helmet when you take Grand-Dad shopping !!
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Actually, my mom passed away about two months ago. I loved mom and had a lot of respect for the person she was prior to dementia but - I'm no hypocrite- my mom had been a stubborn, self centered manipulater all my life and most likely, all hers. Dementia made it 100x worse - until I finally got her to see a geriatric psychiatrist who got mom on some proper medications- her last 8 months were better. But yes, to your question. Mom would call me constantly accusing me of never seeing her when I was visiting her twice a week. Once, when the caregiver came back after a two week vacation she told me my mom was sad because I hadn't visited or seen to any of her care needs the entire two weeks - and yes, I had made sure mom had a substitute caregiver the whole time - in addition to my visits. When I found this site I had been looking after my mom for five years and I was physically, emotionally and mentally close to a complete breakdown myself! Morena- it's good you've found this site early on in your trip down the rabbit hole after your grandfather- this site and the wonderful people who post here will prove invaluable to you.
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RainMom, believe me I LOVE the venting stories! Thank you :) I'm new to this website and its a godsend, because, I feel like we're part of some underground Secret Club going through these crazy things that no one else understands :) Your Mom and my GrandDad are VERY similar. And like I said, yeah, I know we have to accept their brain is "broken" but its amazing how their Brain isn't broken when it comes to getting what they want (yeah that was sarcasm). Well, I'll be honest, your story made my blood boil just a little bit. On one hand, your mom's brain is "broken", so someone would think "well, maybe the poor lady just forgot that she has to tell her daughter beforehand that she wants the library". On the other hand, her brain wasn't so "broken" that she couldnt remember to bring her book bag and open it at the exact moment she needed to!!". Grrrrrr! THAT'S the part of us that ALL of us deal with!! I've called my granddad a "jerk" on this website, so I'll guess I'll just ask for forgiveness from you-- when I say that Your Mom sounds a little "Manipulative" in my humble opinion. And I'm so sorry that you also have a disabled child (well, I shouldnt say sorry, because I'm sure you love him as he is). Actually I used to help care for my teenage Autistic step brother, so I can relate A LITTLE to you juggling him at the store. My bro is "ok" at the store, but one time he wandered off went missing for 20 seconds (He was standing 2 inches from me, I turned my head to pay the casheir, and he was gone!!!), I FREAKED out, got hysterical, and a lady helped me find him.. SO yeah, there's NOOOO way in hell you can bring your son AND your Mom on outings together, just no way.

Yeah, I TOTALLY relate to why that was The Day you hired an Aide. I also hired an Aide a few weeks after granddads Walmart Meltdown, but mainly after realizing that going to visit him weekly was actually making me depressed (and anxious). I would literally feel depressed as I was walking out the door to go visit him. And I'd feel anxious & nervous because I'd never know if he'd be in a good mood,or scream at me for something petty.... Anyway, your Mom was manipulative with the Depends. Its like, she "understood" what not having them would mean, because she knew she'd have to use napkins/rags, so clearly she has decent reasoning ability (at times I guess). And yeah, like I say, their entitlement over wanting extra special treatment is just awful. I 100% support you getting an Aide for her.

SO RainMom let me ASK you (heck, I might as well), Now that you have an Aide for her, is she doing the whole "where are you? why didnt you visit me this week?": thing. My Aide is brand new (its only been 3 weeks), But the Aide called me, sounding all sad, saying "He misses you, he keeps asking for you". Like, he actually has HER feeling SORRY for HIM!! & has her thinking that I'M the distant grandchild who doesnt visit or help him! Are you KIDDING Me!!?? I was his personal slave for over a year!. No, I will NOT be visiting you that much any more since she's here to pull some weight, sorry. I need a break.
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Morena - lol! Ah yes, the epic tantrum. One more - last one, I promise - but it feels so good to vent to someone who really gets it! This one combines the library AND the grocery store. So, I've told my mom 1000 times if she wants me to drive her somewhere on my visits she has to tell me at least the day ahead as I had to get someone to watch my disabled son - it had become impossible for me to take them out together. I get to her place, we get in the car to go to the grocery store. As I'm pulling out, my mom removes her folded cloth book bag from her purse and tells me she wants to go to the library before we go grocery shopping. I tell her I don't have the sitter long enough to do both. Mom gets pouty and say the library called that morning and her books are ready. I repeat that we can't do both that day and tell her to pick one - groceries or library. Mom sets her mouth to The Look and says library. Then she adds that she's out of Depends. I attempt reasoning, saying then we have to do the groceries and we'll do the library in a few days. More of The Look and the pout and mom says No. She wants to go to the library and that she'll just stuff rags in her pants! Recognizing this for the manipulation it was, I say "fine, stuff rags in your pants"! We drive in silence to the library. On the way home I knew I couldn't let her go without Depends so I pull into the grocery store lot. Mom gets all perky. Now, I have about 20 minutes to drop mom off and get home in time for the sitter to leave - it's a 15 minute drive home... I turned to my mom and said "I'm running in to get your Depends. Don't you dare move from this car. If you are not here when I get back, I will leave you and you can find your own way home". It was one of the few times I ever really lost it with my mom. That was the day I called a caregiver agency. That was also the day I began buying my moms Depends myself - at Costco in the ever convenient industrial size box!
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GardenArtist I'll have to call his Car Insurance. I hope they dont charge extra for that, thanks

ZYTrhr: Yeah, the shuttle would be a LAST resort, he has NO patience and I'm 90% sure he'd verbally abuse the Bus Driver, sream & yell at him for simpply doing his job. My GrandDad thinks that waiting 5 minutes is waiting 5 hours, he explodes and goes into tirades if he has to "wait". Honestly I even feel bad forcing the Aide to get on the Shuttle Bus with him; his constant Complaining & Waiting would be a form of torture for her. I actaully want my Aide to be treated nicely and I told her to INFORM me if he EVER treats her rudely, it will NOT be tolerated; I rarely raise my voice but I will definitely give him an ear-full if he dares to be rude to her. But luckily she's kinda attractive so he's being NICE & Flirty to her beause his old "ladies man" mannerisms are kickin in when she comes around (Oy!)
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RainMom: I TOTALLY relate to the "MY Library/MY Store" thing! Well the image of your mom in the walker with tons of traffic, busy street thing, cars behind you honking, ugh! But It was soooo nice you tried to take her to the (closer) library, that actually sounds like it could have been a very cool, fun outing-- quick to get there, not TOO much of a hassle, great she had the mindset to still order books & read, plus you could be doing 'your own thing' on your cell phone. (Actually if my granddad had an easy hobby like that, I'd probably take him once every 8 weeks). But yeah, once again the 'spoiled toddler' thing kicks in & had to ruin it (-_-) It's like, one common theme I notice is their lack of consideration for others; and I honestly dont know if thats the demenia, or just their real personality. I'm sure the closer library was NICE too. 20 minutes is a LONG drive in my opinion, no way.... But, doesnt it just kill you how they love to play "the victim" and act like you're treating them sooo horribly just because you dont give them the Royal Treatmen? Its like they expect to be treated like Queen Elizabeth and King Henry. DID YOU CONTINUE TAKING HER TO THE OLD LIBRARY? Oh, her not signing up for the Book Delivery thing, it was honestly just her way of pouting.She KNEW it was a cool thing, but because she wanted that Queen Elizabeth treatement. Also, The SAME THING happened me & GrandDad!! The REASON I posted this question is because we had a major blow up last month: He asked me to take him shopping; I proceed to drive him Walmart literally 8 minute drive away, he DEMANDS that I take him a Different Walmart--but thats thats 25 minutes away!! we literally have to get on the HIGHWAY to get there! WHY?because he's been driving himself there for 10 years. I told him callmly "No, its here or home". He says "take Me home!!". Fine, I drive him home.... BUT they love to play the VICTIM afterwards, cry, & tell the family how "hard" things are, how they need "help"; never mentioning how they REFUSE people's offers for help! (*insert that Vincent Van Gogh Screaming Painting here**)

I KNOW his brain is "broken", but I guess the strange position we're in is: they're like 50-60-70% mentally able to understand/talk/engage/respond, so you feel like you're dealing with a normal person, but that extra 30% thats 'broken" kicks in.
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Fregflyer

You're lucky. Peapod is not offered in the Cleveland area yet. Giant Eagle Curbside and one other store are the only only grocery shopping games in town.
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FregFlyer: Oh my god, there's no way I'd have the energy to buy my own groceries while taking him shopping. You're better than me. The only thing I want to do is get the hell out of there as f aast as possible. One time granddad was all finished shopping, and I only needed ONE thing, but because it was in the NEXT aisle, and I knew he'd walk too slow & Complain: I said to myself "hell no, we're getting out of here", and we went to the checkout counter.... Ok googled On-Line Shopping/PeaPod Service. I see they have a $60 minimum and it costs $10. Hmm, I dont know. If I can get the Aide to go, that would be better. (But I think thats a great price though. and I'll look into the UTI infection)

JESSIEBELL lol at the smails on rice and her getting Mad about it!! (+_+)
And the "10 of Everything" thing is where we're at too. Grr
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zytrhr, the Peapod on-line service I use, they will accept all coupons. Then you will see on your credit card statement the coupon deductions.

Peapod will have specials once in awhile while you can get free curbside pickup [usually in my area the cost is $2.95] or free home delivery [depends on how much one orders the delivery cost]. Peapod will once in awhile offer a list of free items to try out, you pick one item.

Peapod has pretty much everything offered in the local grocery store they partnered with.... thus a pretty large website... but one can narrow it down to your own shopping list of regular items to help speed up the "shopping". Each item is described plus all the labels on the product are posted, so you can see how much salt is in the product. One can also searched for "low salt" items, and other diet restriction items.
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