Follow
Share

They do not see the decline and refuse to have a medical professional render and educated opinion.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Sorry about the last paragraph of my post, I thought I deleted it. :(

I may have explained triangulation or someone else did. It is a common problem with narcissistic behavior. It is something my mother does often. She can only do this if you are part of the triangle. I have stopped being part of the triangle by distancing myself from both my brother and mother, and never saying anything except light superficial stuff. This is the only way I can deal with my family. Sad but true.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

OHHH, I remember reading about triangulation on here-was that you Madge that explained that before. It was very interesting. I don't deal with that,thank goodness, but that could definitely be what you are dealing with, HarpnJack.
My husband doesn't do much for his parents. He just doesn't. Part of it is because they are still very healthy and don't need us and , right now, my Mom is very sick and needs us ,part of it is that we have a special needs daughter and at my parents house they are much more relaxed about her behaviors and don't freak the heck out if she touches the TV or drops food on the ground like my OCPD MIL does and part of it is that my SIL is super daughter and does everything for them ( and they do a lot for her an her partner and their twin girls) and part of it is we live 2 and 1/2 hours away and SILs live 25 minutes away. BUT ---the thing is, when my husband does go up to visit.-he will try and take a day off to take Mom out to dinner or take Dad to the theater -w/out me and daughter -they talk about it for months and say how wonderful he is. I know my SIL gets mad. And I don't blame her because she does sooo much for them and sees them all the time and gets no accolades . Could that be what is going on with the sister? Sometimes the one who does all the work gets the most difficult side of Mom or Dad. It is not fair. And we tell SIL that.
As for getting your sibs -in laws involved more, well, IDK. There seems to be that stage where people just don't want to see that a loved one is becoming less able. I am dealing with that with my Dad. He does everything for my Mom. Cooks, cleans, bathes her, she is in a wheel chair but try and get him to say that Mom has a disability and he needs more outside help and he just won't admit it. Pride. Pride and fear. And sadness.
Sorry if this is rambly--I had ,like,18 hours of sleep and tons of coffee. YEAH!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It sounds as if your family is a bit dysfunctional. I am not judging, mine is exactly the same. I have made no progress with my family and I suspect you will have trouble with yours as well. Your mother (and mine) has set the dynamic of the family, i.e., confusion, noncommunication, verbal abuse, etc. This is all they know.

Your mother is triangulating with your brother and the rest of you. The telling tales and the brother carrying them to you and back and forth. This is very destructive and gives her much power. I would stop this and tell her if she has something to discuss to sit down and discuss it with you or all of you. If not don't talk to her.

I give you this advice because my mother has come between my brother and I by triangulating. She lies to me, then lies to him. But he is dumb enough to believe her. Sad. So don't let your mom do this anymore.

I would get advice from an outside source. You have to educate yourself to dysfunction in the family and how to deal with them. Save yourself the heartache and trouble and start today. Read, get councel, whatever it takes. You can't fight this alone.

I see my family in your post and I know how hard they are. It is pretty much hopeless unless you get outside intervention. In my family they would call me "crazy" if I suggested such. After all they know everything.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Is Mom's sister, the POA, on board with getting Mom evaluated so a treatment plan can be devised and implemented? She is POA for a reason. Is she resisting this concept of evaluation?

I don't think you can control how your siblings treat your mother. Perhaps if she has a medical evaluation and some specific or even general diagnosis is the outcome, then you could all discuss less emotionally what is best for Mom. (But perhaps not -- denial is pretty rampant about these things.)

To get the sibs on board, start with Aunt POA.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am sorry.... I think the answer to what I want them on board 'for', is to evaluate the health & safety of thier mother. To be able to consider that she is in need of help and sometimes she does not want it, but are they just going to give her the ladder & the staple-gun?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

'Mom' will not sit down and have an adult conversation. She will not discuss her unhappiness. She 'ran away from home' 3 weeks ago. Seems like a good time to have a doctor evaluate the situation. Her sons are enabling her. One is running back & forth & communicating what she said & then the response.... the children admit she was never happy. But they are still trying to make her happy. Give her whatever she wants. Nevermind what happens to her children. She is verbally abusive to my partner & her only daughter. To their faces, behind their backs...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Her sister. We wanted her to keep the financial & medical control so that there could be no suggestion that we had any special motives. 'Mom' can be nice. She gets so excited when her sister comes to visit that she smiles. She is a different person around her sister.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

What do you want to get everyone on board to do?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Who has medical POA? In many families it would be utterly impossible to have all the siblings on board (though that would be a wonderful outcome). One person has to be in charge of decisions. Who is that?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.