Are you living separately? Even in early stages a person suffering from Dementia should not be alone 24/7. Its too unpredictable. My Mom left water boiling on a stove. Forgot how to use her cordless phone and remote to the TV. There is no rhyme or reason to the desease.
Do you have POA? If so is it immediate or Springing where a doctor or two have to declare him incompetent to make it effective? With a POA you can get to his finances and see what he has to pay for his care. Its a tool. You do not have to physically care for him or be at his beck and call. It will help you get him into a facility, spend down his assets and then apply for Medicaid. If no POA and he is in the early stage of Dementia, you maybe able to get him to assign you POA if he understands what that means. With no POA its going to be harder to get him help. If POA cannot be gotten, then its Adult Protection Services (APS) to help you with resources for him. I would not agree to be his guardian its expensive and you then have to answer to the State how u handle his money and his care. And your age. You may have to let the state take over his care but that would be my last option. But even with Dementia he could out live you.
Your profile says your brother has the beginings of dementia. Dementia robs people of their abilities to use reason and logic, to make good judgments, to empathize with others, to retain short-term memory, to judge time accurately, etc.
I'm only listing all those to help you see that you won't be able to make him "understand you've done all you can do". You will exhaust yourself getting him to internalize it, act upon it, care about it, remember it, etc. What you can and should do is find a starting point for your exit and for someone/some authority to fill in the care gap.
If no one is his PoA, you just begin calling his county social services to report him as a vulnerable adult. He may fend them off for a while until his cognitive problems require guardianship by the county. They will then do everything for him.
In the meantime, just humor him. Tell him therapeutic fibs and don't revisit the care topic any longer. Back out at the pace you need, and let the county do the rest. That's as much as can be done.
midsomer, welcome to the forum. Even with your brother having early dementia, he should be able to do some things himself, or did he depend on his late wife to do all the housework, cooking, cleaning, etc.? If yes, then I realize it can be tough on him as she has been gone for just a short time. So sorry for his loss and your loss of a sister-in-law.
Your brother doesn't see you as someone who is 80 but someone who is half that age with a lot of energy. That happens with and without dementia. Time for you to show him how to do things around the house. You are not his Mom, nor his bride. What would he do if something should happen to you? Are you able to have that type of conversation with him?
If your brother feels he can't learn, then he needs to hire a daily caregiver to help him. Hope he won't bulk at the expense. Otherwise, if he can budget for it, independent living in a senior center. One plus is that he would be around some people his age. And the facility prepares his meals, does his housekeeping/linen service, etc.
As for the income taxes [per your profile], I gave up trying to do my own. The rules kept changing and the print kept getting smaller :P I hired a professional to do them, well worth the money.
Do you have POA? If so is it immediate or Springing where a doctor or two have to declare him incompetent to make it effective? With a POA you can get to his finances and see what he has to pay for his care. Its a tool. You do not have to physically care for him or be at his beck and call. It will help you get him into a facility, spend down his assets and then apply for Medicaid. If no POA and he is in the early stage of Dementia, you maybe able to get him to assign you POA if he understands what that means. With no POA its going to be harder to get him help. If POA cannot be gotten, then its Adult Protection Services (APS) to help you with resources for him. I would not agree to be his guardian its expensive and you then have to answer to the State how u handle his money and his care. And your age. You may have to let the state take over his care but that would be my last option. But even with Dementia he could out live you.
I'm only listing all those to help you see that you won't be able to make him "understand you've done all you can do". You will exhaust yourself getting him to internalize it, act upon it, care about it, remember it, etc. What you can and should do is find a starting point for your exit and for someone/some authority to fill in the care gap.
If no one is his PoA, you just begin calling his county social services to report him as a vulnerable adult. He may fend them off for a while until his cognitive problems require guardianship by the county. They will then do everything for him.
In the meantime, just humor him. Tell him therapeutic fibs and don't revisit the care topic any longer. Back out at the pace you need, and let the county do the rest. That's as much as can be done.
Your brother doesn't see you as someone who is 80 but someone who is half that age with a lot of energy. That happens with and without dementia. Time for you to show him how to do things around the house. You are not his Mom, nor his bride. What would he do if something should happen to you? Are you able to have that type of conversation with him?
If your brother feels he can't learn, then he needs to hire a daily caregiver to help him. Hope he won't bulk at the expense. Otherwise, if he can budget for it, independent living in a senior center. One plus is that he would be around some people his age. And the facility prepares his meals, does his housekeeping/linen service, etc.
As for the income taxes [per your profile], I gave up trying to do my own. The rules kept changing and the print kept getting smaller :P I hired a professional to do them, well worth the money.