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Both of my parents live with me. My Dad is 81 and has mobility issues, my Mom is 79 and has ALZ. I have tried everything I can think of to make them feel happier, but nothing has worked. I've tried to get them to do things they enjoyed in the past, but they refuse. I've discussed this with several of their docs and the answer is always the same "we need to increase their anti depressants". I even went through all the paperwork to get them into a very nice adult daycare and they refuse to go. It is almost like they are happy being miserable. This just makes me so sad to see them this way. I will even suggest outings with them and sometimes they will agree and at the last minute refuse. I keep asking them what they would like to change or do and never get an answer.

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Sadly, you don't have to be old to be depressed and suicidal. I defined my depressed periods as loosing the part of my brain that could imagine a happy future. During my parents' final years I was surprised to get a positive response when I asked if I could record them talking about their lives for future generations to hear. To motivate discussion I laid out old photos and let them both talk about the people and events in them. Later I merged the photos and the audio into a video slide show.
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Ditto what selfish siblings said about "needing their help". Could your mother help you with dusting, or sweeping outside? Do they like concert dvds: the 3 Tenors, or Andrea Bocelli ? We play those for Mother, and she thinks they are HERE. Make it a special weekly event, with a treat? (i don't know. we are trying here, huh?)
I have a hard time with just letting them be miserable, but I understand how we get "fed up" with the attitude from time to time. Do neighbors or friends, senior group from church, come for visits? I hope you find the answer. HUGS:)
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Continue to remind them that they would be missed, they are loved very much and that younger members of the family are very suggestive to what they here and that if they hear that their grandparents want to die then what reason do they have to live. Find anything that they love or use to love to do or hear or see and stick to it remind them every time you see them that they are very important members of the family and when they are gone in the future they will be missed and live a void in all of your lives so please help us to help you enjoy what time you do have on this earth. Touching and hugs are missed in some families also little moments of lisitening to what they say not just the words but the meaning of why they are saying they want to leave this life. My grandmother said that each one of us is put on this earth to complete a task. When we have completed that task then whether we were here for moments or 100 years that is our time to go we don't know the task because then we would look for that day so we sould live each day as to if we were here for a reason. God bless your family good luck and give lots of hugs cause one day they will be gone and memories will fill your heart and remind you each day you all ment so much to each other. Lena
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I think that you might be right about them enjoying their misery, so let them. If they really do want to die, they probably just will.
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Are you sure the are taking their antidepression meds? If yes, maybe they are not the right kind or dosage for an elderly person. Too much of the wrong meds can not be good either. Do they have enough help? My family member became depressed 10 years ago and would not take meds. The situation got progressively worse but eventually she agreed to take the meds when she realized she could not get back home in her condition. In retrospect, I think I failed to understand that she was afraid, afraid b/c she could not handle things like showering alone, taking care of herself and I, not living with her, didn't realize this. She was afraid of her illnesses and of dying. After several trials on different antidepressants, including stints where she refused them or where, while in assisted living, I found the pills under her bed, she ended up hospitilized for severre depression and finanlly agreed to take an antidepressants that eventually helped her to the point where I could assist her living at home. No Going out on outing is not necessarily bad, especially with mobility issues but is there anything at home you can bring them, like dvds checked out free from the local library, arts/craft projects that might keep their interest? Is there something they can do to feel helpful? Like folding laundry or shredding papers? Do they like dogs or cats? do you have any you can bring them to visit? Animals have a way of pepping the elderly up, at least with my mother and others I've seen at nursing homes when therapy dogs visit. I'm not saying get a pet, that would be another thing for you to have to take care of.
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Hi Bonnie - I care for both my parents as well. Dad has Alzheimers and not stable on his feet; Mom's just plain ole old. They do not live with me, not yet anyway. I can't imagine how that would affect my own family. Bless your heart for taking on ALL the responsibility. My siblings took off. Does sound like meds need to be adjusted. My Dad's been on Arisept for over a year and I think it really has helped him slow the memory lose process. But he also needs a mood control pill cause he's angry most of the time.

Anyway, recently he took on the project of pasting every single photograph they had into photo books. Took months but he loved doing it and it gave him purpose besides reviving a lot of memories. Maybe you could say, "I need your help with this." A reason to help YOU instead of just reasons to help themselves. Just a thought....good luck.
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I have my father that lives with me and he has been the same way. He has isolated himself and it makes me sad. I do drag him out but it is even more frusterating for him because he can not hear well and he has comprehension issues and speech issues. So when I take him out he gets more frusterated and cranky because he can not keep up with conversations etc.. I was doing all the things you tried. I took him to SR centers to play cards, took him to the gym and signed him up for SR activites, I tried to get him to volunteer walking dogs etc... etc...... nothing has worked! But what has seemed to work is upping his anti-anxiety and depression medication. In speaking with the dr, he said it is not uncommon to have to up meds as a person ages. I was concerned because I hate adding drugs to the menu as the solution but if it helps with making them happy and they are at this age ..well then so be it. We did it and I have seen an improvement in attitude, his ability to sleep better and eat more. Which I think all of these items for him were contributors to being unhappy. Still can not get him out much but he seems happier. Best of luck on finding the solution. It is not easy.
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Bonnie - You might be surprised at how they'd respond to assisted living. I moved my own Mom and she hated it at first. She was good for about 8 months until she got a bad UTI then suddenly became very weak due to arthritis. Moving was good for her in the long run and saved me from insanity. It's okay to think about YOURSELF now. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to make them happy. It sounds bad but it's true so you can't let it bring you down as well. It's no selfish of you; it' sensible. How can you act as their wise counsel, act in their best interest if you're depressed or too stressed yourself? The only thing that would make my mom happy now is to turn the clock back 45 years to a time when she's a younger woman with a houseful of family to feed and visit with - able to water ski and hike. All I can do now is to try and do things she'll enjoy - and she does have happy times but it's only for a few hours here and there - it's the best I can do and she doesn't demand any more.
Best of luck to you and your parents.
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Leave them be. If they were living alone with just each other and a caregiver, they would just sit around, eat, watch tv, read the paper and talk to each other. No need for anti-depressants. In previous decades, old parents did just that... sit around....no need to change their lives at this point.
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Caring, talk to your mother's doctor about hospice.
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