Well, you discovered the big problem and the question with no good answers for too many of us. Because even if we have some friends, the friends have lives of their own, are too busy or we wouldn't burden them. It is the rare family that would have relatives available as well...and how many volunteer for that? My local area agency on aging had a caregiver support program which was set up to offer only 3 months of help with a dollar limit. I used it and learned some valuable lessons...as some noted above: They average $20 an hour and in spite of agency promises they do as little as possible. I wound up accommodating their schedule based on what I was told; it became more work and stress and I now understand why people don't go down this path. I don't have the energy and patience for it. Instead of having to look after two people, it was like looking after three once I saw what a crappy job they would. Oh, they were nice...they're ALWAYS so nice...and useless beyond being a background checked body to hopefully keep watch. And I supposedly had two of the best. Can you get a job working from home?
Wow. You summed it up very well. It’s very hard but glad i retired as soon as i did to be home with my Mom. I’ve been scared to rely on caregivers - trust? Cost! And the thought that they would not take care of her properly scares me.
Unless you’re extremely wealthy, or hid assets years ago so Medicaid thinks you’re already destitute, I’m afraid there’s no way to get reliable caregivers without going broke. Maybe you’re lucky enough to have family/friends that will help out?
My mom spent every penny she had, sold everything of value that she owned which included her house & cashed in life insurance policies to have in-home caregivers in order to stay out of the nursing home as long as possible. That carried her for three years before she had to be placed in a nursing home.
This is a hard road to navigate. I wish you the best of luck in finding finding support, answers, & solutions to help your situation.
I used family and a friend referred caregiver for my mom ($10/hr) until she required 24 hr care. Then, I sold everything she had left (which wasn't a lot by this time because of a deadbeat brother stealing from her!) and admitted her to an assisted living facility. She was very happy there ($3,000/mo) but lived less than a year. We never had to apply for Medicaid.
If you hire "off the street" and after a certain amount you are 100% responsible filing their taxes, and if that hired person gets injured in your home--or even claim to fall and get injured in your house--they can sue your estate. It's called Granny Tax. PS: If you "let them go" they can sue you for unemployment. That's why I only used agencies. Also if you hire off the street you don't know what they are doing behind your back.
It takes a village.....if you have the support of loved ones and unlimited resources. There is no getting around the enormous expense involved unless you can find a reputable agency with stellar employees at a reasonable cost (not probable) or have the extended family willing to help take on this overwhelming responsibility . It is near impossible to do this on your own and maintain any resemblance of a normal life. Most on this site will testify to that. The other alternative is to spend down mom's assets by living in an IL or AL and then applying for Medicaid. Wish there were an instruction manual to help us maneuver through this difficult time......caring for aging parents is not for the faint of heart.
I've looked at this one from many angles. From my wealthy long distance aunt with no children, to an impoverished friend who is blind, crippled and paralyzed from a stroke w/ no children, to my own husband who nearly died this year... The Caregiver Quality is a big big challenge. Many or most of the caregivers are deeply pressured with so much survival on their plate and or sick as well they perform marginally, or they if have some skills, but their personal disadvantages can undermine their better intentions. The service is outrageously expensive, and fiscally depleting for most. From all ends of the spectrum, from rich to poor, they all say the caregivers for the most part do not care, they just want the money. It's a nightmare, and its reality.
My husband’s parents did the same tiresome “we’re NOT leaving this house!” song and dance. Husband hired a trio of reliable but ENORMOUSLY expensive sitters (luckily his parents could afford it)—$10,000 per month. Owwwch! They weren’t even nurses, just...ladies who sat. Sat and watched TV, mostly. This went on until husband’s dad died, when his mom had to go to a nursing home. It was certainly somewhat cheaper (a “mere” $7,500 per month). Again, luckily she had the funds, and didn’t live long enough to deplete them. We feel a major bullet was dodged...I know everyone isn’t that lucky.
Hiring, providing care or choosing a facility are some of the unimaginable curses in life! What to do?
Hiring help, you have choices between agencies, some "friend" or family member or private hire.
As many know, hiring from agencies is a huge crap-shoot. Given the low pay and lack or skills needed, you might not get what you expect. Very few are "industrious" and willing to do a lot while "watching" your LO. If you can find them, hang on to them! Most companies will provide a sub if your care-giver is out, but sometimes it falls through the cracks, so there is no one and you might not even know about it! Even though it might sound like the better option, there are issues.
Hiring a friend or family member has it's own pitfalls. There should be a legally drawn up care-giver document. There needs to be more than one and they need to coordinate if someone can't make it, etc. There might be tax restrictions on how many hours a family member can work without it becoming an issue (taxes, SS, medicare, workman's comp, insurance liability, etc.) A friend would fall into the need to cover all the tax related issues, so no different than hiring someone else off the street.
Hiring private pay has additional issues. There are some who are self-employed, who should be doing their own tax payments, etc and should have their own insurances, but how to prove it? For those who are just free lance, there are all those tax, SS, etc liabilities, something you'll have to know about and deal with! Even though they are self-employed or free lance, there still is no guarantee that you are getting what you think you are paying for.
IF mom hadn't refused to let the hired help in after a few months (only 1 hr/day and not required to do anything other than check on her and make sure she took her meds from a timed/locked dispenser - they can't give them, but can point it out), we might have continued this path. It would have been difficult as we aren't local to check on things and wouldn't know if we're getting what was expected, etc. We would've had to find some way to ensure the care we wanted was being provided and if not request someone else or change agency. We would likely be where you are now.
I am relieved that she did refuse to let them in - she also refused to move anywhere or live with one of us. Thankfully she has funds/income to pay for a facility, but the move took some wrangling (POA does NOT give you the power to make them move against their wishes, even with dementia!)
Best you can do, if this is the only choice, is monitor and change if needed. Hiring in any way, shape or form isn't going to be cheap or alleviate a lot of time consumption and frustration for you. Too bad there isn't someone who could run a nation-wide company to hire out some GOOD people at a reasonable rate!
Based on your profile, your mom sounds like ours, except our mother is older. Is there no way to get her into MC? Is her income low enough to qualify for Medicaid (some in-home care money might be available)? Consider 24/7 home care is actually more expensive than a facility. Even 16 hr/day (no coverage when sleeping, not good) at $20/hr, which is a low estimate, is almost $27k/month! Our mother is in MC at a private, non-profit place, and it is less than $8000/m. Rates DO vary based on the area/region you are in, so there are places more and less expensive. There can still be concerns about care-givers and turn over, but that's a different issue. You would have to check multiple places to compare cost, care, etc. Visit multiple time, different times/day, ask other residents or their family members how they like it, etc. Don't just rely on online ratings - those can be false. See, smell and listen. Unless you choose to take mom in yourself, you will have to chose between these
I found the best home aides for my parents through friends.
As for the cost...well, if you want to keep good reliable people you have to pay them.
My mom spent every penny she had, sold everything of value that she owned which included her house & cashed in life insurance policies to have in-home caregivers in order to stay out of the nursing home as long as possible. That carried her for three years before she had to be placed in a nursing home.
This is a hard road to navigate. I wish you the best of luck in finding finding support, answers, & solutions to help your situation.
Hiring help, you have choices between agencies, some "friend" or family member or private hire.
As many know, hiring from agencies is a huge crap-shoot. Given the low pay and lack or skills needed, you might not get what you expect. Very few are "industrious" and willing to do a lot while "watching" your LO. If you can find them, hang on to them! Most companies will provide a sub if your care-giver is out, but sometimes it falls through the cracks, so there is no one and you might not even know about it! Even though it might sound like the better option, there are issues.
Hiring a friend or family member has it's own pitfalls. There should be a legally drawn up care-giver document. There needs to be more than one and they need to coordinate if someone can't make it, etc. There might be tax restrictions on how many hours a family member can work without it becoming an issue (taxes, SS, medicare, workman's comp, insurance liability, etc.) A friend would fall into the need to cover all the tax related issues, so no different than hiring someone else off the street.
Hiring private pay has additional issues. There are some who are self-employed, who should be doing their own tax payments, etc and should have their own insurances, but how to prove it? For those who are just free lance, there are all those tax, SS, etc liabilities, something you'll have to know about and deal with! Even though they are self-employed or free lance, there still is no guarantee that you are getting what you think you are paying for.
IF mom hadn't refused to let the hired help in after a few months (only 1 hr/day and not required to do anything other than check on her and make sure she took her meds from a timed/locked dispenser - they can't give them, but can point it out), we might have continued this path. It would have been difficult as we aren't local to check on things and wouldn't know if we're getting what was expected, etc. We would've had to find some way to ensure the care we wanted was being provided and if not request someone else or change agency. We would likely be where you are now.
I am relieved that she did refuse to let them in - she also refused to move anywhere or live with one of us. Thankfully she has funds/income to pay for a facility, but the move took some wrangling (POA does NOT give you the power to make them move against their wishes, even with dementia!)
Best you can do, if this is the only choice, is monitor and change if needed. Hiring in any way, shape or form isn't going to be cheap or alleviate a lot of time consumption and frustration for you. Too bad there isn't someone who could run a nation-wide company to hire out some GOOD people at a reasonable rate!
Based on your profile, your mom sounds like ours, except our mother is older. Is there no way to get her into MC? Is her income low enough to qualify for Medicaid (some in-home care money might be available)? Consider 24/7 home care is actually more expensive than a facility. Even 16 hr/day (no coverage when sleeping, not good) at $20/hr, which is a low estimate, is almost $27k/month! Our mother is in MC at a private, non-profit place, and it is less than $8000/m. Rates DO vary based on the area/region you are in, so there are places more and less expensive. There can still be concerns about care-givers and turn over, but that's a different issue. You would have to check multiple places to compare cost, care, etc. Visit multiple time, different times/day, ask other residents or their family members how they like it, etc. Don't just rely on online ratings - those can be false. See, smell and listen.
Unless you choose to take mom in yourself, you will have to chose between these
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