How can we prepare our 3-year-old grandson for visits with his late-stage Alzheimer's-afflicted grandmother who irrationally scolds him?

A lot of people might be annoyed by what you consider "normal 3-year-old behavior, esp if you are not able to manage it effectively. Alz grandmother is not hampered by social convention from expressing her annoyance.

First a 3 year old attention span is maybe three minutes. I would only expect my 3yo to give grandma kisses and then run and play. Grandma with her Alz is not gonna be prepared for a run in run out child unless that child is there all the time. My Daddy only saw his great - grandsons via face time for the last few months of his life. He could not handle the running, jumping and playing that 3yo do. Facetime gives grandparents a little chance to see the grandkids but not the high level of noise.
hugs and prayer

Set up a baby sitter for the little one while you visit Gram …,

Probably no need for him to visit her. He’ll only have bad memories of her that way.

I don’t think I would take him for any more visits.

You don’t want little he may remember later in life to be traumatic.

Is this for real? Why would you even consider taking the little guy when NEITHER of them would benefit? A 3-year-old does not need to be "irrationally scolded."

Please discontinue taking your 3-year-old to see his grandparent. I am 80 years old, and I remember with terror visiting my great grandfather who had dementia. I was so disturbed by his strange physical appearance and glazed look in his eyes that when we arrived at his home for a visit, I would hesitate to exit the car until the rest of the family did and lock the doors so that Mom and Dad couldn't make me get out. I would always get a spanking for being so rude, but it was worth it not to have to go near that weird person. My parents believed that we great grandchildren were creating a loving bond with our great grandfather. They were wrong, utterly and completely wrong. Please don't make your child suffer like my parents made me.

Who's behavior did you say has to be managed???

It’s very wrong that this little pip-squeak was not brought to the park or left with a relative while the adults visited grandmother in the first place. 

Okay, it's done. But you have all witnessed the results and still you're asking how to prepare our 3 year old grandson for a visit with his irrational grandmother. 

How do you prepare? Write it down and hand the instructions to the kid.

Here's an idea, maybe you can diaper them at the same time so that they can bond.

Get a dang baby sitter. 

This THREE YEAR OLD child is NOT confused by his Alzheimer suffering grandmother's behavior as much as he’s learning about his family. He's learning his first lessons about how on-his-own he is already. Heaven help him.

This is your jewel. You have a duty to make this defenseless little guy feel that he's surrounded by people he can count on and that life is good, well at least for a few more months anyway, and then when the poor lady passes, he’d be good to go to even watch her autopsy.

What's going on? This is thoughtless. Is he ugly?
 
As an infant I remember extending my arm between the crib bars trying to grab the vacuum cleaner pipe while my mother was vacuuming under my crib. 

Someone in your herd has got to have a smart phone. Do him a favor and take a few shots or videos of the torment. This will save him time as well as money in the future with a shrink.

In her right mind, poor grannie would probably give you all what-for for putting him through this. How would you like to be remembered? No one knows if we won’t be in her position. Would you instruct your children to put such a lamb in your lap for you to treat in this manner, heaven forbid should you become like grannie is now? Have a heart.

Please view the movie - The Three faces of Eve.  

Read up on schizophrenic personality disorder, what causes it and symptoms. Too many young men have suffered who knows what in their youth and then folks wonder "Oh why is little Johnny so extraordinarily reserved, or cautious" etc, or out of nowhere they go ballistic. How far do you live from where he’ll grow up?

For the love of Mike get a babysitter.

I'm pushing 50 and the Mr is 57 and we can barely tolerate the scolding's of our LO with dementia, it's emotionally devastating. If you know this is an issue I'd not put a child through that. Neither one of them can understand the hurt that causes.

I wouldn’t, I kept my grandkids 5 & 8 when their grandpa passed and he had lived with them.

Some things kids don’t need to be exposed to

Don't take the child. If you can't manage his behavior, it's going to aggravate or frustrate the grandmother - the result, scolding that you consider irrational. Leave the kid out of the visiting.

Natoniere: Discontinue the visits of the three year old and his grandmother. Don't subject the toddler to even attempt to understand someone with Alzheimer's, albeit his grandmother.

I am unclear what purpose it serves to have a 3yo visit any relative who is irrational and targets him.
Even if the grandmother is asking to see the child, her disease prevents her from building positive memories with him. But, to take the child into this situation means those are the memories he will have of his grandmother. Forever.

I have to think there is some kind of pressure that is causing the child and grandmother to be put together. But no child can modify their behavior beyond their maturity level, nor should they be expected to do so. It is the adults in this situation who have to solve the problem.

It is time for the adults to figure out how the child can visit with the healthy grandparent in a safe location.
The adults need to create opportunities for the child to hear stories, see photographs, watch videos and learn about his grandmother in a positive comforting environment- removed from her abuse.
And, of course, the adults need to ensure that the grandmother is receiving the best physical and mental health care to ensure her cognitive and personality changes are kept to as much of a minimum as possible as the disease progresses.

But, by all means, don't ask either a child or a person with a diseased brain to do the changes.

My question to you is, Why would you subject a 3 y'o child to something he wouldn't understand at his age? If your grand son has any good memories of his grandmother, help him to appreciate them, and don't let the later developments interfere. You didn't say how your wife's relationship with your grandson was before she got AD, if they had a loving relationship, THAT'S what he needs to remember, not the person she is today. I suspect if your wife could have one moment of clarity, she'd tell you the same thing.
Ask yourself this question. If you were the one with AD, would you want your 3y'o grandson to have that memory, or would you want him to remember a time where you were still able to enjoy each other? Think about it and do what's best for your grandson in the long run.

God Bless and Good Luck.

For the love of Mike please don’t take a little to see his grandmother in this phase. I took care of my mom who got Alzheimer’s at 48 and passed at 72! So my 3 sons were literally raised around this (no other option when I had to go help my dad with her - he kept her home & wouldn’t move her to a MC facility). But when she went through her snarky, combative stage, I made it clear to Dad that I could only come when the kiddos were in school or he needed to hire an aide (which he did eventually). That’s a horrible memory to leave with a 3 yo. As she progresses & is more docile, then that’s a different story.

I would not subject my young child to see his sick grandparent. She doesn’t know how hurtful she is and I’m all honesty doesn’t bring either of them any pleasure.

Alzheimer's and dementia is hard on kids and grandkids of all ages. Whether you decide to take your grandchild or not, please know that there is a wonderful ebook I came across on Amazon entitled "Grandma I Remember." The book is very age appropriate and introduces the conversation about grandma loosing her memory.

God Bless you