How can our developmentally disabled sister be separated from her hoarding, controlling, developmentally disabled boyfriend (both 70 yrs. old)?

Its time to get dept of human services into the mix. They will help to see if she can live on her own if not put her in a place I know this is hard to swallow but might be the best for her.

Prayers.

Are you sure Harry is developmentally disabled, and not a control freak preying on a disabled person? You may not be able to convince her of anything if she's been with him a long time, and I suspect Harry knows this.
I'd call APS tell them the situation, and go from there. You didn't mention your sister having a POA. If she doesn't have one, tell the APS Rep you'd like to apply to be a POA. Maybe they can put you in touch with a lawyer you can afford to represent you in court to help you attain a POA Proxy.
Something tells me that once Harry knows you've got POA, he'll be out the door so fast his shorts will have to run to catch up to him!

Good Luck!

Not opening the door for meals on wheels but dumpster-diving for food? That bothers me and I'd be concerned as well. Based on what I've read here on the forum, there may not be much you can do. Have you called an agency like APS? Just wondering, because I was threatened with an APS investigation regarding a situation that's not nearly as bad as the one your sister is in. I'm sure they could at least listen to you. If you learn one thing, then the call was worth it. It's hard to see a sibling in a bad situation and I am so sorry.

You need guardianship. And I am surprised that if this is a disability from birth, that her parents did not apply for it once she was 18. By law, your emancipated at 18. If their is a reason you cannot handle your own affairs, then guardianship is need.

By SSI do you mean supplimental income? Sister should be getting Social Security disability based on her parents earnings. At 70, she should already be on Medicare.

People that have some type of brain injury usually contract Dementia at some point. Harry at 70 could very well be showing signs of Dementia and depending on what type, show aggressiveness or be violent. Is there not someone who oversees him? If so, talk to them about how he is and maybe a mental evaluation is in order. In the meantime, talk to a lawyer and see what it would cost you to seek guardianship. Call your County Disabilities dept and see if there are group homes where your sister can be placed. Guardianship does not mean u have to physically care for her but will allow you to make decisions for her.

Get a lawyer, you have more options than you can imagine, this is not an uncommon situation and their are laws to protect your sister, he has no rights and you have many. Your concern and willingness to intervene will be seen by a court in a favourable way and unless the controlling party has strong argument to the contrary he will have his hand forced. Good luck, act now.

I would call Adult Protective Services or the police to do a welfare check, if he does not answer they will go in if you have not had contact.

You would need letters of incompetency and being a danger to herself along with an expensive fight for guardianship which you would pay for if you lost, and that often includes the appointed attorney for sister. There is likely little you can do to help.
I always recommend Liz Scheier's memoir about attempting for decades to help her Mom who had personality disorders. She never managed to do it even with the help of the City and State of New York. It is a lesson in just how helpless we really are in these situations. The name of the book is Never Simple.

You need guardianship asap. He is not related and a judge will fix that. Does he have access to any finances? If so, you need to get him away from her. If he is guarding her like that, theres no telling what is going on. She needs help.

Get guardianship ASAP. Call Adult Protective Service in your area. Your sisters live in boyfriend has no rights over her. A guardian will…that needs to be to. Be ready for a battle…both sis and boyfriend will fight you. He’s a controller and she’s gullible. They need to be separated (permanently if possible). Im betting he has her so convinced he is good and everyone else is bad, it’ll be hard for her to separate from him.

Make sure you have things documented, like they don’t answer door for meal service, but then dumpster dive to eat. Make sure your sister will tell APS that her boyfriend won’t even allow her phone calls etc. Good luck.

I would contact Adult Protective Services and explain the situation. It sounds to me like not only your sister, but also her boyfriend, need help. Once APS becomes involved, you can offer to take legal guardianship of sister, if APS has testing done and determines she lacks capacity. This is a difficult situation.