How can one take the constant repetition of the same questions and conversations?

I began to look at it as a challenge. My mother had no idea she had repeated a question for the 3rd..5th..10th time; MCI had done this to her. But she was the same woman who got up nights with me through all those earaches and I never remembered her being short with me. The Mom when in constant pain from her bad back lay in bed and kept the 3-year-old me entertained by reading the entire 12 volume set of Reader's Digest young readers. (Why do I know all the classic Bible stories, fairy tales and mythology the kids ask - because your grandmother read them to me when I was little.) The same Mom that drove me all over town so I could participate in music lessons, choir practices and performances.

So it became a challenge. Can I control myself and answer her with the same loving tone she deserves on the 10th time she asks the same question? How many times can I answer the question _slightly_ differently? Is she asking the same question because she's anxious about something? What could it be? Can I relieve her anxiety?

I became aware of the little ears that were watching me when my little grand-nephew (who loved to visit his great-grandma every day) would answer the question for me.

It was so hard to cope with when it started but somewhere along the journey it became much easier; maybe because I accepted this outward manifestation of her disease when she seemed so "normal" otherwise? Mom has been gone in a physical sense for three months now. What I wouldn't give to go back to those early days when her repeating questions was my big challenge. You have started a journey filled with sadness and frustration, responsibility and indecision, moments of self-doubt but also filled with moments of joy when you know you have helped your loved one. God bless and comfort you.

When I was my Mothers care giver with Alzheimers I quickly knew I was going to go crazy with all the repeated questions and this is what I came up with as an answer…..If 10 people walked into the room one at a time and asked the same question, I would have no problem answering each one of them. So that is the feeling I took with each of her questions and it kept me calm. Also remembering it is not her fault and she is not trying to be difficult, it is her injured brain. I again had to do the same as my husbands caregiver with this terrible disease. Take a deep breath. Hope this helps you.

I may miss my mother when she dies, but I will tell you this: I will NOT miss any of her dementia behaviors at all. None of them. It's very difficult to deal with repetitive questions all the time, and regardless of how wonderful your DH was to you before the dementia set in, dealing with these issues now is not an easy thing. Don't feel guilty about feeling this way, either. Nobody is made of steel and we all have our breaking point!

That said, the best thing you can do is to remove yourself from the situation at home for a few hours every day. Hire in home help and/or get DH into adult day care so you can have some respite from the endless questions. Also, call his doctor to see if there is any medication that could be prescribed to address the issue. IDK that there is, but it's always worth a try to ask.

Wishing you the best of luck finding respite time for yourself every day.

Only after my mom had to have in home care for part of the day and then eventually went to assisted living, was I free of those questions. Being with her only a couple hours a day instead of all day every day made those repetitive conversations stop bothering me and I wondered why they ever did. I decided it was because my brain wanted to move on to another topic or chore and hers couldn't. Being stuck in forever rewind was frustrating. I started making up different answers to amuse myself, since she wouldn't remember the answers anyway, and would ask again within minutes. I needed to be creative, so it worked a little bit for me. Then, later, when I would pick her up from assisted living and take her for rides or visit her on the porch, the repitions simply did not have the same effect and I actually enjoyed the same conversation happening over and over, but because I knew I'd be free of it soon and also because I thought she was so adorable asking those questions.

Your husband is in a dementia loop. This means that the person is continually repeating the same action over and over or the same questions or statements.
There are some ways that can help break a dementia loop. Like offering them a snack or a toy or some other distraction.
If none of these do the trick, you have to ignore the subject of the loop. You answer a few times then stop answering. If it persists, then you must persist in ignoring it.
I've been in elder homecare a long time and have had many clients who got into dementia loops. Believe me the patience of paid caregivers wears thin as well when it's hour after hour of the same repetition.
I would answer a few times then ignore and stop answering. Sometimes the repeating gets to the point where you have to firmly state that you've already answered it and will be answering it again. I find that this often works well to break a dementia loop after a while.
You're living in the caregiving situation. Learn how to ignore with love.

When he doesn't know you or talk to you anymore, you'll miss even the repetitive conversations. I know I did, because when Mom was asking those questions over and over again, she at least had some cognition of what she was talking about and our responses. She just didn't remember asking the questions.

Once she descended into her own fantasy world where my father, her devoted husband of 66 years, no longer existed, and she was married to the high school boyfriend she hadn't seen since 1945, we knew we'd lost her once and for all. I had nearly three years of conversing with a stranger who knew me as a friendly face but not as her daughter, because Mom and the boyfriend weren't old enough to have a 60-year-old daughter -- they were forever sixteen years old and in love.

Try to understand that a person with dementia is like a small child in many ways. Remember the days when you were asked "Why?" a hundred times a day by a toddler, and you'll know how to handle your husband's repetitive questions.

With patience.

I answer as many times as I can and when I start to feel annoyed I remove myself. Sometimes I return shortly to a new question and a new round of repeat. If I can step away and do something else for a bit here and there, then I can make it through the day. When the weather is nice I work outside where my grandma can see me- this has been the best escape this summer, my yard looks great and she doesn’t call for me because she sees I’m busy. Not everyone has that luxury but maybe something similar can take place.

Three things have helped me tremendously:
1.Watch Teepa Snow videos for good information
2. Get the book called the 36 hour day.
3. Try to break this loop with distraction, write out signs with the information. Like the day or the schedule. Try to give food, change the venue, smile and touch their arm,comforting them. Anxiety can cause this presentation. Afternoon evening can be worse as in sundowners.
Also found a YouTube doctor called Careblazers and it has great info.
Best wishes,

When my mom was first diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, a kind lady at the Alzheimer’s Association gave me a mantra that I live by: “For you, it is the 50th time. For her, it is the first time.” That has helped my patience tremendously, but it still doesn’t do the job. I have found humor to be the best remedy. I answer my mom honestly the first 5 to 10 times and then I start giving her silly answers with a twinkle in my eye. And each silly answer is progressively more outrageous than the previous. This is incredibly distracting to her and she loses sight of the question that she is fixated on. It usually takes four or five silly answers to get her off her repetitive question and leaves us both smiling.

Hi Trani
The good news is that this too shall pass. I’m sure some loved ones are more repetitive than others but my DH aunt did that quite a bit in the beginning and then it tapered off.

Today her repetitive question is “what happened”. She is asking why is she in bed, with an ice pack on her foot…. I assume. Her sentences are pretty short.
Some days I tell her the whole story of how she fell etc.
Some days I say well I got old…
Or … we are having a pandemic
Or…the little boy who went blind at 7 is now playing football.
She seems to like one answer as well as the other. and she usually only asks once.

I think the key is to learn how to roll with it or it will drive you wild.

Try training yourself to do three slow Kegels before answering his questions. Lower your shoulders. Do something simple that is beneficial and relieves your anxiety.

I’m sorry this disease has happened to you and your husband.