How can my mother and father-in-law get their life back?

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I'm writing for my Mother in Law who is in a world of pain. She and her husband have moved in with her Mother who is 89 to be her caretaker. My Mother in Law and Father in Law are miserable and feel trapped. There is no one else to watch after this woman. Her mother is showing signs of dementia, not remembering people, can't remember to take her medication. She also says weird things and tells people that my mother in law and father in law won't feed her and yesterday, she told someone that they hit her on the head. These are completely outrageously false. My mother in law and father in law are staying with her in her teeny house and wish to purchase a large house for them to all live in. However, when they bring this up to her mother, the mother starts crying like a baby and pitching a fit. I think they just need to let her have her fit and do what makes them happy. After all, they are caring for this selfish, miserable woman. Does anyone have a similar situation or can help guide us? Thank you!

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Being friends with your MIL in my view is a good thing. You said she is in pain. Is this physical pain? If so it is high time for her to give up the caregiving roll. Definitely do not invest any of GMs money in a new home as Medicaid will be after that. let GM pay for extra care and supplies that she needs this is legitimate use of GM's money. Agree with all the above GM needs to be living in a more supportive environment. Whatever the inlaws do it is not going to satisfy GM, she will continue to pitch a fit, hurl acusations and be generally obstructive but they own the house so they have the power and have to exercise it or suffer the consequences or shut up. Unless GM can be drugged into submission she will not agree to anything and I guess people are against the overuse of medications to modify behavior in the elderly.
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I disagree with not listening to your MIL. I was very close to my exes father...closer than his own kids were to him. His wife was killing him and stressing me out due to her manipulative behavior and lies. If we didnt have each other to vent to, he would have been in the grave earlier and I probably would have lost ot worse than I did. As long as your MIL trusts you, I think its good she has someone to talk to.
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Yes, Kelly. Draw your boundaries closer in. It is not your role, imo, to hear your Mil problems.
Perhaps you have already experienced some division or stress on you and your husband's relationship with your involvement in this dynamic.

Whatever will you do with the extra time you will have left over to have a great life?
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Sendme2help...yes, it is my husband's mother who is caring for her mother. Do you say Beware because perhaps I'm overstepping my boundaries here? I've wondered. My MIL tells me all her problems but doesn't seem to be taking any of this advice.
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Beware Kelly10. Beware.
This is your husband's mother?
She is caring for her mother?
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Kelly, if Grandma signed over the house, they are stuck taking care of her for at least five years. Medicaid won't pay for her care if she gave away the house.
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My experience with this type of person has jaded me some so for what it is worth...you and your husband need to have a heart to heart with his parents. They need to leave the situation and put her in a facility. Dealing with the unfounded accusations and fits will wear on her sanity. I am not trying to go against what others are saying but there is a point you need to let go.
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Kelly10, while your parents have been doing the honorable thing of caring for your Grandmother, we do have to accept, that sometimes, we just aren't all cut out to be long term 24/7 caregivers, and that sometimes, the Loved ones needs are beyond our scope of care. As above, having your Grandmother evaluated by a Geriatric Physician to determine her type of Dementia is a very good idea, to get her on the proper meds, to help stabilize her condition, plu meds to help her to be mor manageable and of course, to rule out any other disease issues is imperative. Your parents also need to do sme serious soul searching to decide if Grandma may be better off in a Memory care/dementia care facility. If Grandma has no money besides her SS, then she may qualify for Medicaid, making it possible for her to get into a Medicaid facility. You might also want to check out your states Area on Aging, as every state has one, but sometimes they go by a slightly different name. Use the search box on this site to find othe care options for your area. Its wonderful that you are helping to advocate for your parents, your a very nice daughter yourself! Take care and good luck!
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Hi, I should mention, the home they are all living in is owned by my parents in law. They fully support my grandmother in law. They only want to purchase a larger house for them to all live in because this house they're all in now used to be just my Grandmother in law's but they moved in to take care of her because she needs 24 hour care. My Grandmother in law won't even let my Mother in Law visit her children or grandchildren and insists on being with her at all times.
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