It is set to start in October. I thought it would be at least $200, not $45!
Mom hates most of the food and some of it has made her sick/diarrhea etc. Also, the portions are very small and she is hungry a lot too. So a lot of money has been spent on outside meals for her, she needs clothes, pajamas, blanket, robe slippers toiletries, haircut and the list goes on etc. This facility doesn’t even have hand soap in the bathroom. The blanket they gave her was literally a sheet. Over the past month we bought her sneakers clothes etc. too. Is this really how it is? How do they think people can live on $45 a month? Facilities don’t provide all these things, especially Medicaid ones.
I have been having panic attacks for the past 24 hours about this as I have already been spending a lot on mom and I can’t handle all of these expenses all the time. There is no other family to help either.

What happens to these people who have no kids or family? How can they live w/ $45 a month??

Your mother isn’t living on $45 a month. Her housing, food and care are being paid by the taxpayer. $45 a month is ‘pocket money’.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to MargaretMcKen

You say, "She was homeless for many months. Living in hotels and shelters and worse. It is a long story, but she was transferred to this facility by a hospital against her will. Now that she has nowhere else to go it is the only opportunity for a somewhat safe/sheltered environment."

Your mother is safe and housed/fed/clothed and cared for, warm in the winter & cool in the summer. Stop worrying about how she can live on $45 a month and start feeling relieved she's no longer homeless, living in shelters and worse. That's my suggestion. She will figure out how TO live with $45 a month for incidentals once she acclimates to the SNF. It's amazing what we humans are able to adjust to and live with, once our options are removed. I grew up my entire life where a whole family used ONE bar of soap; 1/2 at the sink and the other half in the bathtub/shower. We had no idea what 'hand soap' was; soap was soap. Once your mother has the basics, she won't need more sneakers, clothes, shoes or blankets again for quite a long time. When she does, it's off to thrift like so many of us do in these times of ridiculous inflation b/c who's going to spend $125 on a pair of shoes ANYWAY? I'd be shopping at thrift even if I won the lottery, just saying.

Is life in a Medicaid SNF perfect? No. But neither is life for a homeless person living in a shelter.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to lealonnie1

My experience with LTC

My Mom had more than enough clothes but the turnaround was 3 days. Her name should be inside the clothes put there by the laundress. Any new clothes I did bring in went right to the laundress to tag. I took pictures of everything I took in. If I was missing something, I asked the laundress to look for them and they usually showed up. Socks were the worst so I bought a dozen of them from a local flea market.

"As far as supplies like briefs (aka diapers) wipes, ointments, gloves" these do not need to be supplied in a nursing home. I actually had a hard time getting them to use the toiletries I brought in. I had a special brush to keep Moms hair from flying away and they kept using those plastic bristle things. I found 3 in her drawer, 2 in pkgs. I took them out to the desk and told the nurse I left a note asking them to use these what I left that was sitting right on Moms side table. Your Moms toothpaste, soap and shampoo should be provided by them. Diapers and wipes definitely. I am sure I got a list of items provided. Ask if they have one. The only time I had to supply diapers, wipes and toiletries was in the AL. Gloves were provided by the AL for their staff.

The $45 is from Moms SS. That is what the State allows. Yes, it will probably only cover a haircut and NHs usually have someone come in one a week or so. The one my Mom was in, allowed your own stylist to come in. Make sure that comforter has her name on it. Shoes, use a permanent marker and put her name in the inside on the sides. Mom had 3 pair in different colors but the aides always grabbed the black. Should be something to get in and off easily and comfortable.

A couple of times Mom had strange tops in her closet with her name in them. First time I took the top to the desk and said this was not my Moms. The second time I was told that if a staff member finds a donated item they think that Mom could wear they pull it out for her. Neither top was something my Mom would ever wear. And she had nine outfits in total. I kept her top and pants together on the same hanger. At first I washed her clothes after a week leaving 2 outfits behind. No need to supply my Mom with clothing. But, as said, u may want to take advantage of the donations. If u weren't there thats exactly what they would do. And thrift shops. The NH should be supplying sheets, pillows and towels.

My daughter says they give too much food in the NHs she has worked. The State tells them what proportions they need to give them. She says there is a lot of waste.

All I can say is Mom probably has it better than she has for quite a while. At least u know she is safe. The Hospital found she was an "unsafe" discharge. I wouldn't look at is as "against her will, I would look at it as she was saved from herself.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to JoAnn29

Have you talked with the facility about her not getting enough food? They can provide her with extra if she isn't being filled up by the quantities provided. She should be getting snacks 3xs a day as well.

If buying her clothes is a problem, ask if the facility has a clothes closet, everyone I have ever seen has one.

Realistically, once she is set up, you aren't buying blankets, slippers, robes, shoes, clothing every month. She doesn't need a haircut every month, she doesn't need food delivered all the time. She or you may want those things but, the reality is, you nor she can afford all these extras, how do you meet her NEEDS is the reality you now face.

Did she not have a wardrobe before placement? No shoes, robes, slippers, blankets? I am just curious why she would need so much stuff.

I hope you can let go and stop stressing about what can't be changed. Just because she wants something doesn't mean it can be provided for her. Speak with the facility and get her larger quantities, nobody should have to be hungry.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal

Unless all her personal items have vanished I am sure she has shoes, pants, tops, pj's, blankets, body soap, hand soap, shampoo and a whole host of other items that can be brought with her.
As far as supplies like briefs (aka diapers) wipes, ointments, gloves those will be a constant purchase (unless she is on Hospice then they will provide those items as well as some will also provide personal items like shampoo and soap)
Since clothing seeps to vanish in care facilities despite having names on items purchase outer wear at resale shops. Resale shops are great places for blankets as well. (Personal opinion but I would not buy underwear at a resale unless it was packaged new item and I would be cautious about shoes just because of the possibility of warts or fungi that might be transmitted..maybe I'm odd)
Haircut is not a monthly expense. When it was no longer possible to get my Husband into a chair to get his hair cut I learned quickly that I could cut his hair and it was passable.
I think you need to reassess what "things" are Wants and what things are Needs and what are Vital items. Make your purchases based on importance.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Grandma1954
Isthisrealyreal Sep 22, 2022
I agree, no under garments or shoes 2nd hand. The idea just doesn't sit right with me. No pun intented. Besides, these items can be purchased at Target or Walmart for reasonable prices.
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Indigo108, when my Mom moved into a Nursing Home, she came there with the clothes that she already had at home. I saw no need to purchase any new items. I brought her robe back home as she didn't need it, as the Staff would make sure the patients are dressed before breakfast.

As for the nursing home meals, talk to the Staff. Everyone's cooking style is different. I never brought in restaurant carry-out for my Mom, I wanted her to get use to eating what the nursing home served. Now, my Mom had late stage dementia, so her needs were different compared to others in the nursing home, she never noticed what she ate.

We also must remember that Medicaid is taxpayer funded, thus you and I both are paying. In order to give the patients more in stipends, the State would need to cut corners somewhere else or either raise taxes. I am glad that Medicaid is available for those who need it.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to freqflyer

Indigo, are you local to mom?

If you are, I recommend going to the facility at breakfast, lunch and dinner. Speak to everyone you can about portions. She isn't going to get a special diet unless it is ordered by her doctor but, she should be getting enough.

I know how hard facility placement is and I wanted everything just so for my dad. The reality was that I had to learn to accept good enough and fill in the blanks myself.

Your mom has been declared incompetent to be placed against her will. That means she isn't functioning on all cylinders and anything she tells you should be verified.

My dad said it was awful, staff said it was great and the reality was in the middle. Watching my dad when he wasn't aware of my presence showed me the truth of the situation. You should try this to give yourself firm facts.

I know it is tempting to outfit her completely but, I would encourage you to go slow and see what is really needed.

Sounds like a tough situation, rest easy knowing she is at least safe and fed for now. Breathe and don't jump to her rescue. This is a Marathon not a sprint, even though it feels that way now.

You can do this! Great big warm hug full of strength for you!
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal

She shouldn't need any more, the taxpayers are footing the bill for her care. She doesn't need an extensive wardrobe at her age. Every resident complains about nursing home food, so I'd just ignore that. It's the easiest thing to blame and try to guilt trip you with. She won't starve.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to ZippyZee

Indigo, your profile doesn’t suggest that your mother isn’t capable of tracking down the dietician herself. M is in the facility all the time, it should be easier for her than for you. The dietician needs to know IF the food ‘has made her sick/diarrhea’, which seems unlikely. You shouldn’t be buying her take-away food.

You clearly have a difficult mother, but don’t get angry at everyone else! Perhaps the place doesn’t live up to her expectations (or yours). I don’t have hand soap in our own bathroom, only handwash. And I usually wear OpShop clothes, for recycling principles as well as for more choice for my body shape. You’ve said nothing about the care, only the food and the money. What standards did you expect?

You say that M ‘was transferred to this facility by a hospital against her will’. If she walks out and goes back to ‘hotels and shelters and worse’, it will be her choice. Don’t blame everyone else, and please don’t do the panic attacks. It sounds as though you have felt driven in the past by M’s behavior and complaints, and you could usefully set up some boundaries yourself.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to MargaretMcKen

She should be glad she is on Medicaid and getting her nursing home paid by the taxpayers. What she needs and what she wants are not the same thing. Ask the facility about giving her more food. The nursing homes I was in provided all toiletries. Did your mother not have clothes at home to bring with her?
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Becky04469
Indigo108 Sep 22, 2022
No she did not have clothes or anything at home to bring with her. She was homeless for many months. Living in hotels and shelters and worse. It is a long story, but she was transferred to this facility by a hospital against her will. Now that she has nowhere else to go it is the only opportunity for a somewhat safe/sheltered environment. I had saved as much of her stuff as I could, and bought her brand new things dozens of times that have been lost or left, but she has also lost weight and old clothes don’t fit now. They do not provide any toiletries beyond a hand sanitizer bottle in the bathroom. Not even actual hand soap.

I appreciate and am grateful that she qualifies for the placement, but I believe my concerns are also valid. Nothing I listed are ‘wants’.

The food situation is stressful and every time I bring it up they say I have to talk to someone else or someone will call me or they just say sure ok and then it doesn’t happen. Also, some of the food has made mom really physically sick. There is supposed to be a dietician there but I have not been able to get in touch with her either. Will keep trying but it is stressful.
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