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Dad is 84. Dad is unable to dress or bathe himself; sometimes he makes it to the bathroom on time; falls a lot; his left leg is basically useless due to some stroke activity; is diabetic, down to 120 pounds. Meanwhile, mom is 83, has heart issues but tries to tend to his daily needs. Of course, she's worn out and frustrated. I live 90 miles away so feel that my help is useless though I listen to her as much as possible. Mom has told dad numerous times that they need to talk about a nursing home for him; he is adamantly against it. So mom tries to pick him up when he falls (or calls 9-1-1), dress him, clean him up after accidents. He has home health care folks coming out once or twice a week. We've talked about hiring someone to live in. Is there something we're not thinking of? Some way mom can get relief on a regular basis? She's scared to go to the grocery store for fear he'll fall while she's gone and lay there bleeding until she returns. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated.

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Thank you for your quick response, Heidi. "Unfortunately" is exactly the right word. My dad adamantly opposes nursing home care and since he is doing fairly well mentally, I suppose that is the end of that discussion! At the moment, one problem may be resolved in that my dad's sister is coming from California to stay with them indefinitely. Although she's in her 70's, she is stronger that mom (I think) and may be able to help get him up when he falls but MOST IMPORTANTLY, she will give mom greatly-needed rest. No one knows what the future holds, but at least for now, there's a glimmer of sunshine.

Thanks for the recommendation of college students. That's one to keep in mind.
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Unfortunatley it sounds like you need a full time live-in or nursing home care. However, there is also the option of adult day care that you could explore. At least this would give your mother a much needed break.

Do you have a local college nearby? Sometimes you can obtain help by posting a position in their recruitment offices for a student who might be able to spend some time helping your mom. Churches also frequently have people assigned to help in the caregiving area.

Is it an option to move your parents closer to you so that you and your family can lend a hand or at least be more available when needed?
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