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Hello,


I currently wrote about the 'Rainbow Rock' situation. Well, my mother is currently in rehab from a neck and spinal surgery. Basically, I asked her yesterday if she wanted me to come, and I'll also come by for Thanksgiving . She asked I come for that day and to please stop by her house first to get some of her things. I said ok, and was glad to get some rest after getting off work early and having to go to a coworker/friend's funeral that morning. Exhausting situation, to say the least! However, she called me last night to say something like, 'Well, well, guess who's here...!' It was the troubled narcissist sister with the hand problems. First, I went quiet because I was laying down and surely didn't need any nonsense. I just said, 'Good.' Didn't know if she meant there there, or in town, so I said after some silence, 'She's there right now?' And then the sis goes, 'Hi...', so I said 'hi' back. My mother (another narc), acts cheerful by stating now I didn't have to bring her stuff, as the sis would do it. I said, 'Good, because I could use some rest.' My mother says rather quickly, 'You're still going to come, right?' I go something like, 'It would take me some time. I had quite a week and need to rest.' My mother goes that was fine, 'As you can see, you can come late.' (The sis was visiting late). I said something else to that effect, said, 'Enjoy.' And got off the phone. I felt that fog coming over me that narcs tend to make one feel. Couldn't think at first. But thanks to all my research and therapy, I thought to just get my rest and I'll let the mother and grandmother know I'm not coming at all on TD (this after around 10 years of being there for them on holidays and hospitals). Called the next morning and let them know. They knew I wasn't planning on doing much; said so before that. Was only going to stop by the rehab to bring my mother's stuff (not too far from me); and grandma's a little further via car. Couldn't do all that on top of feeling under the weather, especially after my coworker/friend's funeral. However, instead of understanding, the mother asks if it's because of my sis? I said that I already told her before it can't be both of us at the same time. She should understand this, as when my sis attacked some months ago, she was there herself. This 'girl' put us all in jeopardy because I was driving and my mother was in the passenger seat with her neck and back problems. What if I blacked out or ran into another vehicle, or a person? Because of keeping my head, I not only carefully pulled over, I got out and had to teach her a lesson. Didn't speak to them for weeks, until I told my mother (who was being pushy in me calling her) to not ask me to go anywhere with them again. I'm only there for her and my grandmother for emergencies. Do you really think just because it's been months, that goes away? I can't trust her; period. Told the sis at the time she is abusive and there is a pattern there. You know she couldn't face the truth. But it's terrible when my mother is helping her not to; and actually instigates these situations.


I asked my mother how long she said she plans to be here, and she claims my sis didn't say. And don't even know if she already knew she was coming to town, instead of claiming she wanted to 'surprise' her. I said it was strange, myself.


At this point, I just want to find out a way I'd know when she was coming and going, to avoid her. I can't count on my mother nor grandmother. They both keep hemming and hawing about it. My mother even started gurgling when talking! This is so beyond. And I have too much on my plate to worry about adding to it.


Oh yes, hoping all had a Happy Thanksgiving. We certainly deserve the one we want to have!


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Hi, ShineBright! So glad you got some helpful input on another site. I'm afraid I somehow totally missed this one as well. Sometimes the timing on some posts just seems to doom them to not being seen, through no fault of the poster, of course.

Wow, the Machiavellian plotting by your "nearest and dearest" is pretty extreme! Hope as the holiday season is gearing up now you can get some of this nonsense behind you and just relax and enjoy life. You deserve it!
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ShineBright Dec 7, 2018
Thanks so much Snoopy Love,

That's what I was wondering, if this behavior is on the extra side. When you have grown up with it, it seems 'normal' until you get older and see it's not. I can't tell you how much the feelings of betrayal that wells up in me. But it is what it is.

Thanks again and Happy Holidays. Not going to let anyone bring my spirits down, for sure!
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Hi Isthisrealyreal,

Very glad to hear from you. I understand now that my post got lost in the shuffle. I feel you are a geniune person from your messages, and wouldn't want you to think I meant anything by you in particular.

Also, your name is resonating with me so much right now! Can't believe this whole thing is even real. Like you, my mother would be giddy too, 'knowing I'm cornered'. I hate to say it, but I am getting vibes about my'sweet' grandmother feeling that way too. It's not us, it's that we made ourselves too convenient to evil people.

Thank you so much for the vote of confidence too. I know you are taking good care of yourself as well. Once we know the deal, all that self-doubt the narc projects on us begins to 'magically' fall away.

I even said in a call to my grandmother yesterday that "I need a break". When I was off the phone, it occurred to me that those words went deeper than I thought. That the break I spoke of meant a permanent, not temporary one like she may have thought. Profound!

Guess it's time to catch some 💤. Have a blessed evening and thank you again, Isthisrealyreal! 🙂
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ShineBright, this is the 1st time that I have seen your post, I'm not sure why some get lost in the shuffle.

I am happy for you that you got advice elsewhere.

Your advise to seek multiple resources is spot on, thank you for sharing.

I hope that you are getting your boundaries set up and enforced. I could picture my mom and her giddy behavior at thinking she has me cornered when I read your post.

I have found that I have to remind myself that it has to be mutually beneficial for the relationship to work and it is always about her, no matter what, it her or it's not anything.

I am sorry for your loss and that your mom won't accept your decision to stay clear of your toxic sister. Good for you for teaching her a lesson. Before this is completely settled you may have to teach her again that you will not tolerate her putting her hands on you in aggression. She is in on this with your mom.

You are doing great, just keep remembering that you matter as much as mom and g'ma, so take care of you 1st so you can deal with them.

Hugs!
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I am very glad I received wonderful advice on another website.

A bit sorry nothing happened here, but please remember that there are people out here looking for online help because they feel alone in their issue.

That's how I felt and for anyone reading this that feels that way, don't limit yourself to one source only. Sometimes people won't answer because the situation may not feel right for them.

There's a lot out here to access, just be careful who you confide in. But people who are looking to do the right thing should keep looking until they feel supported.

All the best.
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