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Mom (97 yr old) says that it hurts when Dr or anyone tries to take her blood pressure as the cuff is pumped up? I can't do it, the nurse can't do it. She won't let us. Now what?

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I use a wrist cuff monitor myself, top quality in our pharmacy, and it is far less uncomfortable than the doctor’s upper arm band. The monitor needs to be at the same height as the heart – automatic with the upper arm monitor, but you need to pick your hand up to heart level with the wrist monitor. It may not give exactly the same reading as the doctor’s monitor – after all the readings are different simply when you are lying down in bed. But if you use the same monitor consistently, it will show if things are different from ‘normal’, which is what really matters.
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I have a blood pressure cuff that works on my wrist - studies show it is very accurate. It is much more comfortable that the arm cuff. Just go to Amazon and search for wrist blood pressure.
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Uhm, at 97 what are you hoping to accomplish by taking her BP? When my mom had her medication changed I took readings often because I was afraid the doctor had made a mistake and her high BP would return and lead to a heart attack or stroke, but her doctor told me to stop worrying about it At that point - several years ago - mom was already considered palliative... she's 98 yrs old now.
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As others have pointed out, use a wrist meter. Much more comfortable but it is much more sensitive to positioning. Also look into getting a meter that measures while it's inflating instead of an older style one that inflates and then meters while it deflates. Measuring when it's inflating is much quicker and more comfortable since it doesn't inflate up to an arbitrary pressure but only goes as high as is needed.
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I take my own each day, and it does hurt! The cuff gets so tight my arm just aches! It’s only for a few seconds, but it does hurt. If she has thin skin and skinny arms, it’s even more uncomfortable. Is this a daily thing? Does she suffer from low or high pressure?

Ask your doctor or nurse if there’s any other meter you can use. I seem to recall a wrist meter at one time. It may not be exactly on target, but if Mom is not in pain, it may be worthwhile.
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Sometimes if the blood pressure cuff is TOO SMALL it will squeeze the arm harder than if you use a LARGE size cuff. Also, if a person has REALLY HIGH blood pressure readings, then the cuff has to be pumped to a higher number which results in squeezing of the arm. There are wrist BP monitors, but they are not as accurate as the regular BP cuffs. Sometimes you have to hold your arm in a certain position to get an accurate reading.

You might try putting the blood pressure cuff on your Mom's forearm and see if it hurts when you attempt to check her blood pressure. Put stethoscope on inside of wrist over pulse.
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When I complained about the automatic blood pressure monitor in the ICU they brought me a soft knit tube to place on my arm under the cuff. I don't know if it really helped or just satisfied me that they were taking me seriously. This was device left on my arm and automatically squeezed every so-many minutes. I hated it! I asked if someone could just come in and manually take the measurement. No. They didn't have time for that, and they didn't even have a stethoscope in the unit. This was how they did it. Oh well. I lived through it.

I took my new wrist monitor into the doctor's office. After several tries I did not once get a reading remotely close to what the nurse and then the doctor got. Maybe I got a lemon.
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People with Dementia or Alzheimer's often DO NOT LIKE having their blood pressure checked. They tend to get upset if anything is put on their arm that squeezes their arm; so part of your problem might be that your Mom's Dementia/Alzheimer's is causing her to complain that the BP cuff hurts. Many Memory Care Units use the wrist monitors knowing that the BP results that they get will most likely never be accurate, but that it gives them a general idea of what the persons BP might be.

Are you using a electronic BP monitor that automatically takes a blood pressure, do you do it the "old fashion way" with a BP cuff and stethoscope. If you are using an electronic BP monitor, you want to use a monitor that you can change how high the BP cuff is inflated--for example, on some models you can choose "120, 140, 170, or 200" as the highest number that the monitor will inflate to. Choose the number that is slightly higher than your Mom's usual BP results. Some monitors will re-inflate to a higher number if the number that you have chosen is not high enough to "read" your Mom's current BP.

I have had the same problem with wrist BP monitors as Jeanne has. They are not as accurate as a regular BP cuff/monitor and as MargaretMcKen states, they have to be held in a certain position.

Another suggestion, similar to what Jeanne experienced, is that you put a cut off shirt sleeve over your Mom's arm before checking her blood pressure. Use a light weight long shirt sleeve that is cut off at the shoulder (or a light weight long sock with the foot cut off), put it on your Mom's arm, and then place the blood pressure cuff on her arm. Make sure that the shirt sleeve is under the entire cuff and that the cuff is ABOVE the elbow.

Sometimes a person's upper arm is short and when a BP cuff is placed on the upper arm, the bottom of the cuff is either over the elbow or just slightly above the elbow. When the BP cuff is inflated, the pressure from the BP cuff pinches the elbow and it feels like you hit your "funny bone"-- only more painful and the pain lasts as long as the cuff in inflated. Have your Mom rest her arm on the arm of a chair or on the table while you are checking her blood pressure.

I hope that these suggestions help.
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My Mom complained about the cuff too.
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The wrist BP monitors are not accurate, in my experience. When I was a HomeCare RN I used to check mine against the wrist monitor’s reading and the wrist measurement was never correct.
Also I didn’t have a BP machine working home care; I took all my pressures manually the “old fashioned” way. While I wasn’t always sure the patient’s BP machine was accurate I was happy if the family had a BP machine as at least they were trying to monitor BP. 
Many cardiologists take the patient’s blood pressure manually on office visits as well.
Taking a blood pressure correctly is an art.
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