How can I support myself if I have to quit my job to care for my parents in their home without any help?

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I am caring for both parents in their home. They both are cognitively challenged. I am an only child and have no help. I have asked and practically begged their church, friends, neighbors, etc, to just come to visit with minimal results. I have been doing this for two years since my Mom had a stroke. We curreently pay privately for in home care, but funds are low, and we are going to have to cash in life insurance. I have quit my job and relocated to do this, as my dad refuses to leave his home. After all is said and done, I do not eveen know what I am going to do or know how I am going to support myself. I would love to chat and am open to suggestions. Thank you!
~Sharon

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Maine, my first thought was that your story sounded like what happens to a person when they jump in to help someone drowning. The person drowning starts pulling the hero down and in their panic almost drowns the hero. At some point the hero has to let the person go, or punch them in the face to make them stop. I think maybe you're at the 'punch them in the face' place now. If it were me, I'd getting in my parents face and telling them that they either sell their beloved house for the $ to survive, or you're out. As ridiculous as it sounds, they're apparently expecting you to pull money out of your ear to save them. Start taking control of this situation because they obviously can't do what's right.
You are going to have to paint a very scary bleak picture for them to make them understand the gravity of the situation. Sorry.
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MAINE:

Baby, we understand where you're coming from. Many of us have been there, done that. ... Venting relieves stress, please don't do without it. In this forum, we all do it; and it helps.

But you also need to get paid for all the sacrifices you're making and the ones yet to come. Since you quit your job, you can't collect unemployment. If you haven't done it already, apply for food stamps and everything else you can get your hands on. It might not be enough "financial security," but it's a start.

On the AgingCare's homepage there's a "Money & Legal" tab. Click on it and follow the links. Who knows? Perhaps all the help you need is right in front of you. Just let your fingers do the walking.

I'd like to visit Maine this Summer. Can I drop by and say hello so we can vent and scream together? ... It'd be "therapeutic."

Here's a big hug from The Bronx (NYC), and remember: Giving up and giving in are not an option.

-- ED
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On the right side of my post you will see "Recent Community Activity" . Look for the blue subject "Grossed Out? Need to Vent? At the moment I am posting this it is right under your thread "In need of understanding." Glad to see you filled in your profile. I still don't like the winters up there!! LOL
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I looked at a site for Presque Isle. With a pop. of only 9000 your resources may be limited, but you NEED to check out the home health care and social services. I don't know how you can stand the winters, but those Mainiacs are a hardy breed. My MIL lives in Bangor in the summer and we get her to SC in the fall till Apr. Snow was on the ground when she got there this Apr. We will all give as much help as possible, so please stay with us.
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mainelady1949 As you can see we are here to support, guide, offer helpful info, whatever we can do to assist a good person that is trying to do the right thing for a loved one or loved ones. One main thing you should do in your scenerio is try to get as many resources to aide in your caregiving. If your Mom and Dad are low in income and assets they may qualify for assistance. Call your local Senior Services Office. They could help get you finacial assistance if M&D qualify, respite, meds, day care, medicaid, etc., veterans benefits are excellent as well. Our parents have earned the right to use these government benefits by paying throughout thier lives. As we are now and may lose them. They are set up for such circumstances and we as thier advocates should make use of them while available. It may be alot of paperwork and time and a tangled web to overcome and focus thru but all worth it. Do you have POA? Do you know all funds, accounts, assets? These are the questions you need to answer for applications. Here to help! Take Care of yourself, this is very important!! Oh and I always say Music is a Mood changer like magic!!! My Mom gets lost in a paper bag but SHAKES her BOOTY when music is playing. She even won the American Idol at the NH.
P.S. Just make you smile, my sister said "of course she won she's the only one that can read the kareoke words, hear well, dance, and sing all at once."
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mainelady welcome to this sight. As seeme stated there are many on this sight in similar situations and can give you a lot of support. Many of us go to the "grossed out" thread and that is where you will meet more people. It doesn't matter if you aren't sure what the conversations are about, just jump in and tell us about yourself and how we can help.
We are here for you. This sight is a sanity saver for us, we get to vent and not be judged, we get to get gross and everyone understands. And we laugh. Which is so much cheaper than therapy which none of us can afford anyway... You have arrived here, and not by accident.. you will make some great friends... hugs to you and hope we hear from you..
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When parents get to a certain age and start having serious health problems, they often develop tunnel vision and do not understand how their neediness impacts the caregiver's life.
Just because your father wants to stay in his home does not mean that it is the best option. You may have to consider selling the home to provide income for their care. You have enough to do without the upkeep of a home.
They really need to be in a place where they can get the care they need and you need to get back to work to provide for yourself.
Your parents do NOT have the right to jeopardize your future. Caring for your parent sometimes means making tough decisions then following through on them.
Is there anyone in your orbit whom your Dad respects who can intervene for you? someone who could explain the dire financial straits and help you do what needs to be done?
I am afraid if things continue this way you will be left both destitute and suffer health problems yourself.
Are either of your parents veterans? Their are funds available for in-home care and a family member can be paid.
In our town there are RNs who visit at home and provide some care...they can do quite a bit. Medicare covers it.
Also, I hire privately for in-home care. It saves, but you have to be careful who you hire.
I hope this gives you a start. Come by often.
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I would love to give practical advice but don't know enough to help. Could you please tell us more about your situation? In the meantime, please vent with us. There are so many options for you. Don't give up hope. Rebecca
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Also fill in yuor profile so others can see your predicament. It will help us to know you better. You are not alone!!
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Sweetie, just go to Grossed Out? Need to Vent thread on the right side of this page and you will find all the support you need. Many of the people there are or have been in your same position. They will listen to your rants, boost your morale, and make you feel alive in your isolation. Please give them a try. If nothing else, you will laugh and feel at home among friends. Good luck. I am not in your position and can offer no other advice at this time.
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