I'm my father's POA and my brother is trying to go behind my back and make decisions for my father without including me. I'm trying to get a lawyer to help answer some questions I have about my POA what I can and can't do but I can't get any help. It's very stressful and I feel my father is living in a hostel environment with my brother and his boyfriend brainwashing him into doing things and shutting me out. I've talked about this before but I'm getting no where. What can I do? I don't want my father to get mad at me and change things because it would not be in his best interest.
So, you can take your dad into your home and care for him or resign POA. Maybe the problem is your family feels you are acting in your best interest not your dads.
If he does have dementia then he cannot change the POA.
What you mean by having a lawyer who is no help I can't imagine; fire him and get a new lawyer. As POA you can do this with your father's funds.
You say that your father is living with his son and partner. He well may wish to make them his POA. If he wants to and has the mental capacity to do so then he can do so. If that happens step away and consider yourself luck. Remind your brother that a POA has to have meticulous written monthly records to prove every dime in and every dime out of your Dad's estate and that you can draw him into court to answer for his Fiduciary duties any time you suspect he is spending your Dad's money on themselves. If they "take over" and you suspect fraud then report them to the APS. Good luck.
If your father has not been found incompetent, meaning he can no longer make informed decisions, then your POA is not in effect unless its immediate. So, really nothing you can do. Dad is capable to speak for himself. If you feel there is some kind of abuse (financial, physical or mental) then call Adult Protection Services and ask them to investigate.
As long as Dad is competent, you really can do nothing.