My Dad whistles softly and has done that as long as I can remember. It wasn't until my high school grandson commented on how he knew I was happy because I was whistling softly that , indeed, I do and have done the same as my Dad.
I was so surprised to see this thread. My MIL has been sort of humming for over a year now. It started as something that sounded more like whimpering. We thought perhaps she was in some sort of pain upon moving, but she said, 'no.' Over the months it has morphed into something not quite musical, but much more like humming than whimpering. It makes me nuts, and I really try to just tune it out because I'm pretty sure she doesn't realize she's doing it.
Mrsprim, you are not alone. There is no doubt that it is we, the caretakers who get upset. I really believe these sounds are something that makes our loved ones feel better in some way. My mom used to make a sound after eating that would drive me nuts. So that I wouldn't go crazy, I would ask her to brush her teeth. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't. My trigger was when my Mom would start to tap her fingers. I would go from 0 to 100 and feel like I wanted to jump out the window, and run. It got so bad, that I did end up on anti-anxiety meds. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't
Since you did not specify as to the type of humming your mother does it does not help to narrow it down. My mother hums constantly, like a low growl, and claims, most of the time she does not know she is doing it. If pressed to stop she does give an explanation. She has had a problem with her throat tickling for years. Sucking on peppermint candy used to help, but no longer. Now she claims she hums to stop the tickling. The vibration in her larynx causes movement which may temporarily stop the tickling or at least take her mind off of it. Tickling in the throat can be caused by sinus or by some daily medications or even acid reflux. Her Dr. has no clue, at this point and gives no recommendations. Welcome to the frantic world of elderly quirks. Oh, and she shuffles her feet, on all floor surfaces, wearing down the rug fibers, while sitting, repeatedly, rolls food around in her mouth, sometimes for hours and spits in the kitchen sink, to mention a few, all unknown to her. Good luck.
My MIL had this habit. My husband and I lived with her and she would go out to the patio to water her flowers humming away at 11 or 12 PM.. Only problem, our bedroom window opened out onto the patio and if we were "cuddling" , on came the lights and the humming. It always cracked us up.
Look up tardive dyskinesia, a side effect of medications. Especially for lip-smacking, but maybe humming may be a side effect of meds. Meds that can be changed. Apparently, the patient can be suffering more than we know. We can ignore it, tolerate it, or distract them from it after thoroughly checking this out.
My mom went through a period of making noises by blowing or sucking on her tongue. We gave her ring-pops (like pacifier suckers) which calmed her a lot. We have since changed to TootsieRoll Pops. I never have liked nervous tapping, clicking or smacking noises. Maybe I am the one who needs the anti-anxiety meds!
Oh my goodness, I was just thinking of researching the sound my mother makes with mouth after eating anything. Not lip smacking but like she has something in her teeth she's trying to jar loose. Can't accurately describe it but it is driving me nuts. I offer a toothpick but it's an hour later before it stops. Kind of weird how the smallest thing become such an irritate. Trying to enter a meditative state for myself when this happens so I don't blow up over something so silly. Thanks for opening up the conversation so again, I can realize I'm not alone in this journey.
Sandwich42plus (interesting moniker), I'm glad you piped in about singing in the stores because I do it too when they finally play something I recognize from my youth. Sometimes I find myself swaying to it (if I'm alone in the aisle). Once they were running an advertisement in the background and the announcer asked, "Are you ready?" I was just thinking about leaving the store, so I answered out-loud to myself "I guess so" and a man nearby chuckled and smiled at me. Guess he was semi-consciously listening, too. I smiled back; we both got the joke. When I find myself irritated by little things like someone humming or a neighbor who whistles all the time, I remind myself how bad things could really be and I count my blessings.
jtomalley, I always have music in my head, too. Sometimes it drives me batty, because it is anxiety, I'm sure. And yes, I hum and sing. I'm particularly bad when I am cooking dinner. I've tried to listen to music when I'm cooking, but it makes cooking hard for me.
My mother could have written this message. My daughter is always humming. How can I get her to stop? :)
Humming is a sort of stimulation for sensory system, it is soothing to them, some people will tap their foot, rock themselves, walk, or another sort of self stimulation. This is due to their brain no longer making full sense of what is coming in, via their eyes, ears, and body, There are some great ideas here. I think that the key is to do what helps the caregiver not focus on this, be it white noise, music. it will pass.
I hum when I'm happy! I try not to do it when people are around because I know I look nuts when I do it. I found myself singing (very very quietly) in the grocery store because they were playing 80s music that I used to listen to as a teenager and it was just cool! All they needed was fog and some strobe lights. :-D
People hum for all kinds of reasons. Dementia humming or verbalization like humming is a tick or a stim (when autistic kids do it). Sometimes anti-anxiety meds can help with it. It's not musical humming to a tune but just a very repetitive almost monotone noise.
It's not the same thing as humming a song to yourself because you've gotten used to being by yourself or that great showtune is on in the store muzak. :-)
I, myself, you to have a "tic," that would drive others crazy. It developed overva period of time, especially when I would be caring for my elderly mother. I finally was able to stop the little quirks such little ughs, hum, et al.
Sendme2help I think thats good sometimes, but with my mil and with the questioner, when it's constant and you have to run a home for your family as well as caregiver it can be unnerving. I just had an aha! moment with your comment about the anxiety thing. Sometimes I have noticed she starts whistling when she thinks she has said something dumb or has asked a dumb question. I will try to be more patient and kinder when she does. Thanks. :)
Elle52 have NO fear of talking to Yourself, as I do it too. It's what I call thinking out loud. I'm pretty sure many People do as well. I'm certain that I talk to Myself out of loneliness, as I live alone with My Por Mom Who's at stage 6 Alzheimer's, and I'm a full time Carer to Mom. I have not come across humming yet, but isn't that what some People do when They are feeling happy ? My own Mother wears false teeth top, and bottom, and very often rattles them, which churns My stomach and gives My a sick feeling, but I would never draw attension to this, as it's probably just a passing thing.
Take this opportunity to ask her, what is that tune? Can we sing it out loud? Or, Humming, lip smacking, fidegeting can all be signs of anxiety; a side effect of medication that can be changed; or something else the doctor can address.
I don't think humming is that big of an problem... If she has music in her head, consider that a good thing. Maybe play a radio softly in the background so she has something to hum along with. I hum all the time and I'm not even aware of it - I just always have music in my head. Makes me happy. Let your mum be happy.
Oh the negativity is almost always the theme.. How does one turn that into positive. I smile and try to change the subject, that usually doesn't work. I feel I am doing something wrong..
Do you think that constant nonsensical chatter all day may be more stressful than humming? And the fidgeting never stops. You gotta have a tremendous amount of patience.. But you gotta love your mom..
My Mom reads the closed caption in a whisper. But went she does making a smacking sound. Like she isn't opening her lips enough. It drives me nuts.It probably helps her understand what is happening. She is hard of hearing and won't wear her aides. Long story.
I like all these suggestions (the serious ones, anyway...), but the ones I find the kindest are those that suggest you just find a way to tolerate it - for yourself and your mother's friends. When my dad hummed in his last years, it always seemed like a self-comforting behavior to me - and thus not something to be discouraged.
How can someone's humming cause them not to visit? If they are truly friends, they won't stop coming and maybe they can join in with her humming. Humming is a way of soothing oneself. Wolflover451 - it is not GUM, it is hum...
Is humming always dementia, or could it possibly be from being alone too much? My Aunt does this when I take her shopping each week. I've got to confess a terrible habit. I took care of my Mom until she passed. The last few years, she really wasn't mentally there. So I started talking to myself. I didn't know about this forum at the time. She passed about 9 months ago, and I still find myself doing it. I'm just starting to become social again. Hopefully it will pass. I hope.
i would say be careful with the gum that they don't accidentally swallow or choke. and to the "shock collar" person........really? how inconsiderate and rude. i know you meant it sarcastically but really no comment would have been better. good luck.
We thought perhaps she was in some sort of pain upon moving, but she said, 'no.' Over the months it has morphed into something not quite musical, but much more like humming than whimpering. It makes me nuts, and I really try to just tune it out because I'm pretty sure she doesn't realize she's doing it.
I never have liked nervous tapping, clicking or smacking noises. Maybe I am the one who needs the anti-anxiety meds!
My mother could have written this message. My daughter is always humming. How can I get her to stop? :)
I found myself singing (very very quietly) in the grocery store because they were playing 80s music that I used to listen to as a teenager and it was just cool! All they needed was fog and some strobe lights. :-D
People hum for all kinds of reasons. Dementia humming or verbalization like humming is a tick or a stim (when autistic kids do it). Sometimes anti-anxiety meds can help with it. It's not musical humming to a tune but just a very repetitive almost monotone noise.
It's not the same thing as humming a song to yourself because you've gotten used to being by yourself or that great showtune is on in the store muzak. :-)
I have not come across humming yet, but isn't that what some People do when They are feeling happy ?
My own Mother wears false teeth top, and bottom, and very often rattles them, which churns My stomach and gives My a sick feeling, but I would never draw attension to this, as it's probably just a passing thing.
Or,
Humming, lip smacking, fidegeting can all be signs of anxiety; a side effect of medication that can be changed; or something else the doctor can address.
I smile and try to change the subject, that usually doesn't work. I feel I am doing something wrong..
But you gotta love your mom..