How can I protect myself from false elder abuse allegations while caring for family member with dementia?

Just FYI -- this thread is 4 years old.

RUN; PROTECT YOURSELF FIRST! STAY AWAY AS FAR AS YOU CAN!
I VOW NEVER TO TAKE CARE OF THE ELDER; IT IS TOO RISKY!

First help your mom by making sure you did your part in reconciling that extremely important parent-child relationship. Look up Counseling Patrick Doyle on You tube ("how reconciliation works" is one video)and there are many many helpful videos on how to repair any kind of relationship and help people, as well as help on when it is time to help them by avoiding them, if this is the only way to help them. Help any elderly person in whatever way you can without putting yourself in harms way. You can help, maybe when visiting elderly relative wherever they end up staying. And or maybe have someone that you trust, present when taking care of elderly person. Maybe you can also get a 24hr camera on when you are with them so that no one can make false accusations about you when you are with them. Abandoning relatives totally is being just as evil as mentally healthy people falsely accusing you of doing harm when you are innocent. Help in any way you can without opening up an opportunity for false accusations. Evil people will try to provoke you to anger and try and get you to do something sinful so you get yourself in trouble. Keeping your thoughts captive to Christ is only way to be safe from all sorts of evil. You must find a REAL bible believing church (baptist, KJV only, hymns only) and you will find true love, support, forgiveness,self control, hope, etc.. as you all hold each other accountable to honoring God in everything you do. A true church can help lead you to Christ's word which has answers to all dilemmas. Proverbs 9:10,The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Only way to be successful (I don't mean rich or idolized by others-like popular on Facebook) in life is to believe in Christ and rely on Jesus Christ (be extremely careful as there are many counterfeit churches and false Christians and most people are deceived, and many think they are saved and following Gods will when they are not!). The ten commandments include #9 Though shall not bear false witness, but also #4.Honor your father and mother (this means your entire life not just as a child). You have a tough situation as everyone encounters tough situations sometime in their life. Just follow scripture to be safe. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Go to scripture and also get wise honest real Christian counsel if you don't want to be deceived into doing the wrong thing. When you know the entire bible principles by studying and searching for wise counsel you will find all of your answers. For most of my 53years of life I believed what others told me (the bible contradicts itself) and never studied the bible for myself until seven years ago. I got saved and now know how where to go to resolve any type of dilemma. My teenage children are now not making all of the mistakes I had made because I helped teach them to follow scripture and they are save! Most people do very little to take care of their elderly parents emotional, spiritual and financial and physical needs and therefor neglect their elderly relatives and friends which is directly against Gods will. Remember you may need help when you are elderly and what would you want others to do for you if you were them?

First of all, I agree with everyone who said just say no. In general, even with no background, being alone with an elder, child or dependant adult puts ANYONE in that situation. Its a risk that comes with the job. First, can you get your record expunged? Probably good to do that anyway, if possible, in case, for instance, you ever decide to travel anywhere.....second....get a job description written down and signed by all parties of what you will be responsible for and not. Get a household inventory taken (make them do it) prior to you moving in. Have a routine, for the day, and post it and follow it. Keep records of what you do and how he is each day..did they eat? How did they sleep? Did you order meds? Save grocery receipts, etc. Document everything. Everything. Professionals do that for the reason you describe. Its better to have some socializing with others...even if the next door neighbor pops in for coffee or something, so you are not isolated with the person. Anyway, I would not do it if there is that much risk. Maybe have a session or two of family therapy to get someone with some training to have a thourough talk with the entire family and yourself to discuss your fears etc? Good luck....

If you have the time to care for someone, speak to your former probation officer and ask for help to find a job that is satisfying to you. This will help you get grounded to where you can truly be on your own and away from destructive family members and will also make it impossible for you to agree to taking on this task and sabotaging yourself. You write as if you really know what the answer is. Now is the time to step up and do the homework for yourself. I wish you love and success.

If you are determined to put yourself in this dangerous situation, which could result in you going back to prison, the only way I can see to protect yourself is to document everything.
Wear a body camera like police do, and have it on from the time you get to his house in the morning until you leave.
If he bumps something, document it in writing & take pictures of the bumped area.

The best idea is not to be there.
You're already a convicted felon, some of your civil rights have been lost because of your previous crime, so the "justice" system will treat you more harshly.
Avoiding a problem is better than trying to solve it or fight your way out of an abuse charge.

Yes it is unfortunate but you should stay away. And you may want to try to keep from being sucked into any of it from the sidelines. It is difficult but it doesn't mean you don't care. But you are doing both yourself and them a favor by not letting them harm you more. Its hard advice to follow. Some people are just toxic. Good time for a long vacation.

WOW! I hope you 'go with your gut'! If you could document with audio and video EVERYTHING that you do and everything this other person does and says, I would feel you might be safe. I do not see that as a possibility. Not even close enough to reality to protect you. Once the authorities are contacted by the caregivers' 'loving family', life is turned upside down. Some loving and caring people have families that cannot be trusted to be loving or caring or truthful. I do not know you or all the details of the situation, but I think you should listen to your gut and avoid this situation totally.

have you ever asked them why they chose you to look after this person?you know you are a changed person. get out now before the accusations worsens, why should you suffer? you have done youre best, they are ungrateful, tell them you are sick of this, tell them to get on with it. that way nothing can fall back on you, they asked for your"e help in the first place. don't become an easy target for these people, walk away with your"e head held high, you know you have did nothing wrong.if they ask again tell them no. and mean it.

You ask what to do to protect yourself. Say NO and read the book "Boundaries" (Minrith & Meyer) and learn how to enforce that no. It sounds like you have a very dysfunctional family (welcome to the club) so this will be hard. Don't take on this role.

I agree with the others, don't do it. But if you do, follow captains advice!!! Good luck to you.

i think that you plan to do the caregiving job but are paranoid as h*ll . paranoia comes with the package even if youve had no priors . all i can say is if you do it , carry yourself with confidence even if its fake at times and in my mothers own words as i was going thru a rough divorce 15 years ago ( family really was trying to get me in trouble ) " never let em see you sweat " ..
she was right , ive never forgotten her words , never will ..
the caregiver hotseat is real and a prime preventive tool of aps -- but -- theyve seen bad things , i dont think they panic easily . dementia constitutes the bulk of their business .
i called sheriff in advance and asked that a dementia notation be recorded in regard to our household . dont send snipers if you get a call . deputy and i had a good laugh as his MIL was demented and he entirely understood . said the county is full of dementia .
i have a prior d felony for pill possession - that didnt make me a bad caregiver when it was all over , but it did make me a paranoid one ..

If I were you, I would run from that responsibility.

I love my mom with all my heart. She fell on my watch. Broke her hip. Earlier in the year, she bumped her leg on her walker. A simple bump...the walker moved away as she hit it. The "bruise" ended up a terrible hematoma that killed all the skin over the bruise. She had an open wound 5" long by 2" wide for two months letting it heal so she could get a skin graft.

I'm an only child with no arrests for domestic violence. The hospital quizzed and quizzed mom as to what happened to her. Ask yourself if your family would step up and say, "OMG!!!! She would NEVER do anything to hurt XXXX!!!!" if the chips fell that way.

Combine what people will THINK of your past with the FACT of your past with the FACT that you have anger problems and caretaking is a high-stress responsibility...you'd be an absolute idiot to entangle yourself in this situation.

Run, run far away, if you haven't already. People who've never experienced family deceit in a horrible, awful way, like what your gut is telling you, just cannot comprehend the lengths others will go to take a person down, family or not. With any sort of history, no matter how long ago, if something were to happen (not even physical, but any other allegations) you'll get boxed into being guilty and your world will crumble. I'm going through this right now (being falsely accused of abuse by family members serving their own agenda). Blood is not thicker than water. I've been called paranoid so many times it's a joke, but my gut has been spot on the entire time.

I never dreamed I'd be facing what I am now and it just escalates, including trying to get me thrown in jail several times by making false reports to the police. It was a plot carried out over the past 18 months. I do have a few things on my side though -- the truth and the documentation to back it up. One might think then what's the problem? The problem is getting someone to listen because elder abuse isn't really a priority. Those who are supposed to advocate for the elderly and vulnerable have not done their jobs and because of it, I've suffered, but most of all my family member has suffered.

Good luck in whatever you decided. If you did decide to help the family member and your gut is telling you to get out, make sure you do it in a way that your family cannot accuse you of neglect/abandonment because there are many allegations aside from physical abuse.

Someone else already said this, but based on your prior situation and on your fears of what your family might be doing, I'm not sure why you just don't say "no" to this and do the best you can to live your life without this added fear of jail time. I don't really understand why you're taking this chance on going back to jail. This doesn't even sound like a reasonable choice to be making and am not sure why you're asking us. Don't you care enough about yourself to put yourself in the best place to stay out of jail? If so, then take care of yourself, do the best you can to live a good life, and don't let yourself be put into a situation that would send you back to jail. If you can see the possibility of going to jail and you take this chance and you end up back in jail, I'm sure you can see that it will have been your own choices that put you there by putting yourself in the situation.

not buyout, should be in your family.

I would have to ask why you would consider this if you feel you are being set up? If I were in your shoes with the complete lack of trust buyout family, I would not touch it. There are many people on this website that have been falsely accused and investigated by APS many times because they grew up in dysfunctional families. With your history I don't understand why you would even consider it.

If your instincts are correct you need to stay away from that situation. If you are incorrect, then you are a bit paranoid of these people, which is still a food reason to stay away!

It is impossible to protect yourself once you step into the situation.

No is a complete sentence. I think you already know the answer...trust your instincts.

My elderly neighbor gave me some good advice once. When asked to do something that you don't want to do, say "I couldn't POSSIBLY do that." Keep repeating until the person asking, gets the message.

It is hard enough to take care of a parent who you love and loves you. Why take on the burden of caring for someone who you are not close to. Go with your gut instinct and say "NO, thank you."

Say NO and get on with your life. As you've never been close to this person why should you do it?

As you said your gut is telling you not to trust them!!! So don't set yourself up for a fall..

debralee.. i suppose maybe i didnt get into details enough because there is a lot more to whats going on in my life and with my family. so maybe you misunderstood and need to re read my question or you have a great way of manipulating the contents of the post and coming up with your own twisted story.
so let me clear things up for you...

there is no need for a place to live.
i have never been to prison.
i feel my family is lying and deceiving me and there is more to whats going on than they are telling me.
i just want to know what i can do to protect myself while caring for a family member who i am not very close to who has dementia, so that i dont end up in a situation that could put me in prison for a very long time due to my past history of domestic violence?
i dont need to go into personal details about my life, but feel there is more to whats going on than i know and my family is not telling me. by the way i am being treated as well as my family's attitudes and random comments with hidden meanings towards me. my guts tell me that i cant trust them and they have something else planned for me. I WISH I DIDNT FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT MY FAMILY AND IT SUCKS THAT I DO. but there is nothing i can do about it but help my entire family out and go take care of our sibling with dementia. BUT NOT WITHOUT PROTECTING MYSELF FROM ELDER ABUSE ACCUSATIONS!

i hope that sums things up. thanks

Just say no, you can't do it. The reasons to not do it are many-fold. I can't think of a single good reason that you should, given what you wrote.

my parents also take blood thinners and I have seen the bruises from a simple bump - they always look pretty bad. Should something happen, the finger is automatically going to be pointed at you due to your past, unfortunately. I'm not even sure if constant documentation of false accusations etc. on your part would help you. I think you should trust your instincts and concentrate on you. Good luck!

The way I read this you are being asked to care for a family member with dementia so that you can be setup to be accused of abuse so that you can go back to prison and that person is your mother? All this just to get rid of you? If this is the case you must be in dire need of a place to live. Do you really want to take a chance that could possibly cause you to become incarcerated again?