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I am about at the end of my rope. My father passed away on June 20. I haven't been able to sleep or grieve for my dad because I am the sole caretaker to my mother with Alzheimer's disease. I live with her...dad left me POA. My so-called siblings took her not even six hours after dad died. They cleaned out her savings accounts shut down her debit and credit cards . I am the one that cooks, cleans takes mom to her appointments, clean up her potty accidents and the siblings come behind and rob her blind. BUT she wants them. Nothing I do is good enough. I have health issues and am not strong. Even though dad arranged for POA to protect her...the bank wouldn't even look at the paperwork. I went in and tried to warn the bank teller that they had my mom and we're bringing her down to clean out every bit of her money. They told me that my mom was a joint account holder and there was nothing they could do to stop it. Even though I have a general POA. Today is July 4. I have a horrible migraine... I have been dealing with sibling nastiness and cops all day. So much for the holiday plans I had been planning. My siblings are viscious liars....and have turned me into adult protective services, child protective services, social security, food stamp and Medicaid fraud programs. I had to drug test the day Dad lay dying on hospice in my living room... They told CPS and police I had a METH LAB IN MY HOME!!! I Passed.... as I haven't done a drug in my life. I wouldn't even know what meth looks like. I have devoted the last 15 years of my life, lost love relationships,etc. And this is the thanks I get. My mother is the type of person that gets what she wants when she wants it. And when she thinks something g better is on the horizon, she runs for it no matter who she hurts. I have had more stress and trauma than I can handle lately. I always hold the bag. I'm the doormat.. All of the fighting is over the will. It's about money. I am to I herit the home my parents built with their own two hands. The siblings are in financial crisis and need more money ASAP. They are planning on kidnapping her again. They have tried this before...but dad was still alive then. He called the cops to bring her back. BUT she refused to come home. She told them she wanted to visit there. This stress caused the stroke that weakened dad. Now he's gone. And I don't know how to protect my mom. She thinks the evil kids she created actually care about her. It's heartbreaking. I need advice....and fast.

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First, POA is not enough. IF you are not the legal Guardian and Conservator, grab an eldercare lawyer, and have a judge appoint you as such.
Second, be prepared--have documentation for all you have done as well as your ability to manage her affairs. AND a make absolutely sure you have a medical affidavit from a doctor stating mom is no longer competent to care for herself.
When you are G & C no one but YOU can make decision with regard to your mom...including her will, or her house etc. You are legally responsible for all her affairs, and you alone. This will protect you both. (A POA is not powerful enough; however, it puts you in a much better position to be court appointed G&C.)
Darby
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I hadn't thought about the idea that Kpitts' family could certainly change the will--that is scary, and not an unlikely situation.

Kpitts--can you just get away from this family mess? Are you capable of working and supporting yourself? Can you somehow keep apprised of the goings on--b/c if you are planning on inheriting the house, but your sibs can "kidnap" mom and manipulate her, they can most assuredly get her to change the will. You'd be out of luck--a new will, done by an attorney and signed and witnessed could put you completely out of a home. I'd be looking to find a way to live independently and NOT plan on getting an inheritance at all.

I know my mother, over the years has "promised me" that I'd get: her china, her Hummel figurine collection, several expensive cocktail rings that Grandma had, her car when she ceased driving, several pieces of family heirloom furniture--the list goes on. Turns out, I'm only going to "possibly" receive about $10K, but I also evidently OWE the trust $1500. She actually is billing me for something she feels I owe her.

Evidently she has also promised most of this stuff to both my other sisters, and they have already taken some of the things. I have read her will, and she isn't competent to make decisions anymore, but it's sad, that posthumous slap in the face about "owing" the trust money. Plus she's already tagged everything with other people's names.

Leaving me a tad bitter, but at least I know now how it will shake out. Just saying that wills can and are often changed and the inheritors don't know it. You DO need to know if the house is still left to you. That's huge. If that changes, you will be on the streets.

Try to stay on the best terms possible with the sibs. It may not BE possible. I really wish you luck. This is a sad situation.
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Kpitts, how are you to inherit your parents home and not share inheritance of it with siblings? This is written in the will? The will is filed with an attorney?

I'm very sorry about your situation. Sometimes siblings can be envious and manipulative, to be sure.
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Kpitts--

I am SO SORRY about what has transpired. You must be hurting so much..is there someone there with you? I hope you are not alone now.

Families can be so unbearably awful. People you wouldn't spend a minute with, if you weren't related--but you ARE, and always will be and always will be tied to them.

Maybe, just maybe, this is the beginning of a new life for you. I don't know your legal rights over your mom, but if she is competent (even with the Alz.) she will do what she wants. Chances are, once the money is gone, the siblings will bring her back to you. Do you want that? Or should you bow out and let them take care of her from now on?

You have a chance here to stop being the doormat, to stop the phone calls and accusations. You sound like you were a great caregiver for your dad. I'm sure he was grateful to you.

Take a few days to grieve. Think about whether or not you WANT mom back in your life. Maybe, this is a start to a new life for you.

At any rate, you will have to make some changes to your life--starting with a good attorney, if you can afford one.

I'm sorry for your loss and for your pain.
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"I am to inherit the home my parents built with their own two hands." Don't count on it. If it was owned by both mom and dad, mom can leave it to or give it to whomever she wants to, and it sounds like your siblings could influence her to want to give it to them.

You have devoted 15 years of your life to caring for your parents, and this is the thanks you get? I am very, very sorry to say it appears that it is.

They want to kidnap her? Why do you object? She wants to be with them. Let her go. Let them do the cooking and toileting etc. And while she is gone, consult with an elder law attorney to see the best way to extricate yourself from this high-stress mess. If there is any way you can claim the house as payment for 15 years of caregiving, the attorney will know what it is. Perhaps it will be best to give up POA. It sounds like you have responsibility with no authority. Who needs that headache? The attorney can help you quit caregiving for your mother without charges of neglect.

You mention CPS. Is there a child in the household? How old?

I am so very, very sorry that you are in this situation. Let us know how things progress.
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