I'm afraid my cousin and his wife are going to kill my aunt. They aren't feeding her or giving her medicine and are taking her money but not paying her bills. What if he kills her with neglect?

Does your aunt know her son is under investigation by the state for elder abuse? Do the investigators know of all this info you are telling us? If not, you should call them and let them know anything that you are sure is true.

You say your aunt is still living at the private facility? Can you talk to her directly and express your concerns about her safety, or talk to someone at the facility to make them aware of what's going on? Maybe someone there can convince her not to move in with her son.

If she does move in with her son, maybe you could get another relative or friend of hers in the area to go by and check on her frequently.

Other than making sure the local elder abuse authorities are aware of the son's financial abuse of her, there is not a lot you can do legally as long as your aunt is considered of sound mind and gives her son all the power.

My cousin is under investigation for stealing money from my aunt, not for elder abuse (yet anyway). His case is being turned over to the attorney general.

The invesigators know what is going on and have been very helpful but unless she speaks up, they can't prosacute when the time comes.

Yes the lady that runs the home she is in knows what is going on but she is like us, we just have to wait until he either does not provide care or she gets injured.

I don't see how he can look in the mirror, 56 years old and still stealing from his mother. I can not fathom that.
He knows she doesn't have much longer, maybe a few years?, and wants her $3,500.00 a month for as long as he can get it.
He took her out for a few hours the other day, fed her a piece of pie for a meal, didn't give her her meds but did manage to find a Xanax to dope her out on.

Unfortunately we have no other friends or family anywhere near Delaware. I would fly up there but have zero funds to do that.

I want to call my cousin and tell him to watch his back because we will be watching it too. I am so furious I don't even know where to begin talking to him.

When he comes over to see my aunt, they go in her room for 2 hours and I know he is threatening her and scaring her into moving in with him.

I don't know how to help other than call the police or protective services after she moves and we can't reach her....he took her cell phone and has not paid the bill on it.

SUSAN:

In this country, what you say isn't as important as what you can prove. Keep advocating for her and see if this "lady" who runs the house puts it down in black and white in complete sentences. Also, find out exactly whom the so-called investigators are and insist they make random house visits. It's going to be hell, but well worth it.

-- ED

SUSAN:

Go to attorneygeneral.delaware.gov to see if you can revoke your cousin's POA or at least file a complaint.

AgingCare Staff:

This situation requires a personal touch. What can you do?

Thanks Ed. Big help. The woman that runs the home where my aunt lives has taken good care of her and has all the documentation. I spoke with the investigator twice, he knows what is going on. The problem we have is that when she moves it will be a new set of people to work on her case. Different county/district I guess. I'll file all the complaints I can!

Susan, this is one of the most horrible stories I've heard, but there are likely many other similar situations - we just don't hear about them.

Since the son is being investigated for the money issues, I would think Social Services adult protective section could intervene. It's awful that abuse as seemingly obvious as this has to be proven, since financial abuse has been reported and is being investigated. One would think that is enough.

I'd contact an Elder Law attorney in her area (you could try this Web site http://www.naela.org/ or check her location's phone book (most libraries can help with that - give your public library a call).

You are wonderful to be concerned about this horrible situation. Between Social Services and an elder law attorney, you hopefully will get some help.

Please check back in and let us know how you are doing.
Carol

For today God did intervene. The state paid a suprise visit and advised the woman running the home and my aunt that they have issued an order that my cousin can not be alone behind closed doors with my aunt. I think that is where he does his manipulating and tries to scare her.

Another nurse was going to come out and do another evaluation today.

So if you are a praying person, please pray for all of us and if you aren't, please keep your fingers crossed.

Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me!

Well, my cousin just came and picked my aunt up to take her to live with him and his wife. My aunt did not take it well, crying.....

Please help me with one thing, the state sent a nurse out a couple of weeks ago and said she did not qualify for hospice.

My cousin had someone from Seasons Hospice (a private company) come out and evaluate her yesterday and said she does qualify for hospice.

She has Parkinson's but has not been told she is in the final months of her life.

Can someone explain hospice to me?

How about getting in touch with APS where she lives they have to follow up on it and if the lady who owns the place is a nurse she is mandated to report this-I would go to an elder lawyer in your area and ask his advice there may very well be nothing you can do but getting advice for yourself will make you feel better-does she have other relatives -you may have answered that already.

Susan,

Hospice is usually for those with only days or at most a couple of weeks to live. They provide home visits, pain medications if needed, bathing, counseling, etc. You had expressed earlier that your aunt had Parkinson's but no other problems and possibly had a few years left to live.

One thing I'm not understanding is that the state issued an order 3 days ago that your cousin could not be alone with his mother, then apparently was allowed to take her from the home 2 days later. Wouldn't this go against the state's order that he could not be alone with her?

His insistence on hospice for her sounds very ominous. The whole thing stinks. I would be tempted to call Seasons Hospice to ask why they think she is ready for hospice when the state said she wasn't; ask them if they think she is dying.

You had mentioned earlier you didn't have the funds to fly out to check on her, so paying for an elder care lawyer probably would be too expensive, too. You could check to see if there are any pro bono legal advice organizations in your area or your aunt's area that could give you counsel for no cost.

I'd also keep hounding the state and ask the same question I posed earlier -- if he is under an order not to be alone with his mother, why was he allowed to take her out of the facility? And tell them about the hospice situation too -- that she was not "dying" when she left the nursing home, according to the state, but he has since had a private evaluation & qualified.

You can also report him to Social Security for mishandling her funds. He is required by law to submit documentation of how her social security benefits are spent for her care on a quarterly basis. He's 56 and quit his job in an economy like this? That right there paints a vivid picture of what type of a person he truly is. Karma really bites hard when it comes to call.

Susan I would hound the state call twice a week until someone listens also I would report that hospice co. to the state it may be a scam in my state so many scams are going on we share the stories at our senior center this whole sitiation sure stinks our office of the aging has the services of an elder lawyer one day a week also call the Legal Aide Soc, if it still exist make as much noise as you can -how about the D.A. for your state anybody you think can help write down who and when you talk to each person and the results I had to fight a whole union last year and was told if I did not stop calling I would get nuttin that is the word she use well that just got me going even stronger and I won it took 5 months but I came out a winner-let us know what happens I love a good mystery and this is one for the books.

Situation is that the investigator that issued the order that he could not be alone with my aunt behind closed doors is void b/c he took her to his home and is now in another "territory". So new police and adult services to work with.

It is so obviously abuse, he could not handle her 10 years ago, why does he think he can now? I guess that $3,500.00 a month looks real appetizing to him. Yep in this economy he and his wife quit their jobs and moved to a new (renting) house, all courtesy of my aunt.

He called my Mom yesterday all happy....we took Mom to church and out to eat.....
I am waiting until I know for sure they are in school to start calling the authorities. They have a 3 hour period when they will both be in school so will see who is taking care of her.

I hurt so badly I don't know what to do. I am going to send her a care package and pictures.

No one deserves to be treated like this, especially someone that has bent over badkwards for her only child.

Get all the info to the new APS and police ASAP - crossing state or at least county lines is a common, favorite and unfortunately often succesful tactic of abusers of all kinds. He should NOT have been permitted to do it, I really do not understand how the facility could legally have let her go with him!! Maybe they would state he did it without permission and he could be in legal trouble for that. If you can substantiate the Xanax misuse, that is illegal as well as dangerous if it was not prescribed for her at the time. (It is against Federal law to give a controlled substance to someone for whom it was not prescribed.) You DO have my prayers too.


Disclaimer - I am NOT a lawyer and probably need one....but...

This is awful financial abuse and he should have to repay every penny. Failure to pay bills when you have POA is also inappropriate; my POA documents indicate that can be grounds for removal. Creditors might be able to take him to court with a little encouragement if she won't do it. And SSI can step in on a case where a representative payee or the person involved is not managing funds appropriately. This tends to happen mainly if care facility bills are not getting paid - the care facility will initiate the request to become representative payee, which is totaly separate from POA.

This saga just continues to worsen, Latest upate is that my cousin is going to file elder abuse charges against the woman who was caring for my aunt prior to him taking her out to live with him.

I truly don't know who to believe but I lean more towards the person whose home (private care facility in the caretaker's home). I will just call her Ann to simplify things.

If "Ann" was truly abusing my aunt (the allegations are a bed sore and malnutrtion) why didn't my cousin take her out as soon as he suspected these things? If it were my loved one, I would take them the minute I suspected something, not wait til the end of the month since she was "paid up through the end of the month".
My cousin is probablly aware now that he is being investigated by the Attorney General for stealing from my aunt and I don't know if this is a tit for tat thing.
"Ann" calls my Mom and we hear her side of things but don't hear from my cousin. "Ann" called 911 Tuesday and asked for a welfare check on my aunt to make sure she was OK but no one knows the results of that.

My cousin and his wife have not started this school thing they were suppose to be attending and that makes me wonder too. Most schools are in session my now.

All I want to know is if my aunt is being cared for and she is safe and happy and I don't care who does that for her.

The state was out several times to check on my aunt when she was with "Ann" and they did not take her out, I am sure they could spot abuse immediately.

We can't afford an attorney, does anyone know if Delaware has any legal aid that would help?

Misappropriation of funds IS considered elder abuse even if the person doing it has POA or guarianship so if you have not contacted your local office for Elder abuse you should do this. The more state officials you have working on your aunts case the better.