I live with a friend who requires almost around the clock care (not quite). I work a normal full time job and thought it was a good idea to pick up some extra money working a few hours caring for her. She has someone Mon-Fri days and I am scheduled 5:30 to 7:30 pm Mon - Thurs. Off Friday night, Sat and Sun scheduled 7:30am to 3:30pm. I am having a hard time keeping firm boundaries, she seems to think I am available anytime. I enjoy caretaking but I get up at 4:00am during the week for work and really need to be completely done at 7:30 to shower and go to bed. On the weekend, she consistently asks for things to be done well past 3:30 and is very manipulative. We have had a conversation about me needing to attend to household chores etc and try to still have a social life but we are still struggling. When she requests things, would just flat out saying no I cannot, Im off right now be rude or inconsiderate? We have talked about this but since it's not working well I think we need to try a new tactic. Looking for input, advice or experience. Thank you!
I know we all start out with good intentions and then things start to change. Working a full time job and caretaking is very demanding. I think it can cause resentments when we are asked to help beyond what we agreed to.
I wonder if it might be time to move out and find other living accommodations. Or suggest to your friend she needs to hire an additional person to work the overnights. Or she might have to consider moving into assisted living. Needed to be changed as an adult is very humbling.
I hope you can find an option that works better.
You might also re-negotiate your contract and ask for overtime pay at certain hours. If she can't afford your services, perhaps, she will seek alternate care.
The folks at the ALS center mentioned to me that their patients had so little control over their lives that they often tried to control anything they could! I imagine that MS would be the same! I had to put my foot down quite a few times .
BUT one big difference -- I was never there 'off duty' and not bringing her water, or doing a clean up. It may be time for additional night time assistance, since I do think it is NOT RIGHT for you to give up sleep etc to meet her needs. Her needs should be met-- but not by you,
Also, someone who lives in your house may seem available, even when they are NOT technically on the clock. It's a tough one.
If she's mentally okay, I'd work on ways to establish the boundaries. Do you have a written contract to refer her to?