I'm the daughter of my father, who has acute dementia.
We put him into a nursing home last year after he fell and broke his hip at home while my mother was at work.
My mother has always been in denial about my dad's memory loss. She left him at home alone for two or three years while he was going through serious mental degeneration. He wanted to stay at home, but it was clear he was not safe. He once got into a car accident because he tried to drive to his old house about 45 minutes away. And yet, she left him home alone for two more years.
I eventually convinced her to get him a day nurse to come in and help him with things - apparently he got to the point where he would forget to eat.
She cannot deal with it, she is in total denial. I have had to convince her and guide her hand for every health decision he has needed. I had to convince her that a nursing home was his best option and find the home with her.
I am 24. I just graduated school. I'm trying to start my life. I moved away from our hometown for my career. I just want to be successful. But I feel like my mother can't take care of herself or make good decisions for my father.
I feel so guilty now for being away from home. And I feel like every time my career doesn't go well it makes me wonder why I"m not back at home. This is tearing me apart and hurting me.
Why were my parents so selfish to have me so old? Where can I find other people my age going through anything remotely similar? Why has all of the responsibility fallen on my shoulders, and yet no one in my family even recognizes it or thanks me and treats me with gratitude?
Why can't my mom overcome her denial? Is it my duty to keep making things right, silently? I am afraid if I don't guide things, the end of my father's life will be unpleasant.
This whole thing has made me think of my mom as weak and that makes me very sad. I'm all torn up.