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I live with my mom due to being on disability for the last 8 years. I don’t look or act disabled but I can’t keep a job because I miss a lot of days due to illness. My mom is 97 and has always been healthy until 5 years ago, my brother who has mistreated me my whole life, comes to visit about 3 times a year( and at Christmas for 2 was) and his girlfriend has been extremely condescending, rude and just awful to me and does it when no one is looking. It has been going on for 10 years. My mom and sister have always known but have never helped me because they tell me if I say anything to her that would upset my brother, my mom and sister would be furious with me and Mom would kick me out. It’s ridiculous. So last Christmas I finally told my brother, who did not fully believe me. But recently he talked with her and she admitted to having no respect for me, and that she is not going to treat me any different. So I told my mom and sister and my sister just rented a hotel room for the girlfriend to stay at instead of here at the house thinking it would help me so the girlfriend is not around. $1500 for the hotel room. They don’t understand that they are rewarding her for terrible behavior. And I am not allowed to talk about it or the way the girlfriend treats me. I told my mom that SHE is the one that needs to tell the girlfriend that she can’t stay at the house because of her behavior towards me. I have never done anything towards this girlfriend. I have always been extremely polite and kind. I have done so much for my mother. My whole life. I know she doesn’t want to say anything to the girlfriend for fear my brother will get mad and never come again. It’s humiliating that this girl gets to stay here at our modest but pretty house and continue to harass me. When the girlfriend first visited, my mom told her to make herself at home, and that she could eat our food and use our stuff. She doesn’t like me because she thinks I am lying about my health problems because I look like the most healthy person. She doesn’t understand my situation. I was never allowed to stand up to her because of the situation I described above. She apparently gets off treating me bad. It’s not my house so o can’t tell her to stay out, but I must have some rights since I have lived here my whole life. I am a caretaker for my mom and do EVERYTHING to keep the house clean and running efficiently and driving my mom everywhere, etc. so please, is there anyone out there that can give me some informative advice? I’m desperate and on the verge of ending my life. I am a good girl, intelligent, funny, pretty, and never was in trouble with drinking. Drugs, or the law. I don’t deserve this but I don’t have enough money to live somewhere else. I just don’t know what do to. It has stressed me to the point that I’m ready to end it all or go to the psych ward.

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I agree with Shane. I think it might be best to make a plan and possibly meet with counselor to let off some of your stressors about this woman. Maybe you need a break. Can you talk with your family (sister & mother) about scheduling a break for yourself? Take care.
If there is another visit.  I'd plan to be away or have someone present when she is interacting with you.
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I agree with Surprise; you may have dodged a bullet this time but the GF isn’t going away I assume & you are going to be in the same situation. It sounds like she makes you feel insecure about yourself for whatever reason. Getting a restraining order is not an option. She hasn’t physically threatened you. It seems like you feel you have to justify your disability to her. You don’t. Does she make you feel guilty or something? If I were you I would just ignore her and not give her any power over you. She seems to really rattle your chain. Dont allow her to do so.
When she comes to visit, steel yourself or you take the hotel room.
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Sugarboo, if you are able to do all these things for your mom, you could do them for someone else on a limited basis. How about looking into getting your own place? Seriously - you are not in a psychologically safe situation.
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Thank you cdnreader... your kind words help in ways no one can imagine.God blesses me in a huge way.. the brother and his girlfriend couldn’t come at the last minute due to her grandma going into the hospital and possible not making it through the holidays. So I get a break this Xmas. But every year I’m thinking about them coming and so I am going to do everything I can to find out what laws there are to keep her out, and also o need to look into getting housing help. Thank you so much for all the great advice and please keep posting if you think of anything else.
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Dear Sugarboo,

I hear you. I'm so sorry to hear how stressful this situation is. You have taken on a lot and I know families are so tough. Growing up I was desperate to please everyone around me and I had no idea what boundaries even were. I too wanted to be the good girl but as you know its almost impossible to make everyone happy. And in this whole process sometimes we lose ourselves.

Please know we are all here for you. And there are always options. I know I didn't feel that way in the moment but in hindsight I could have done more. I should have talked to a social worker, family therapist, joined a support or even looked for more support online. There is a different path. I hope you will find a better balance.

Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.
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I'd tell her to hit the road and don't let the door hit her on the backside on the way out! 😉 She is not blood related so you do not owe her courtesy because she wants to butt in where she was not invited. You can plainly see I have had it with my own dysfunctional family and past the point of playing games with any of them.
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Thank you for the reply’s. I’m so sorry that I wrote I was going to end it all. I don’t really think that, I’m just so incredibly stressed out and tired and overworked. I am not on disability for any mental disorders. Just physical ailments. I’ve just come to the end of my rope and I wanted to see what others have to say about this situation. I dont take drugs other than plavix for my heart condition. I’ve always had an extremely healthy lifestyle, no drugs, drinking or sugar and I eat an ALL organic diet and make all my own foods. So mental issues are not the problem. It’s the inconceivable amount of stress from never getting a break and when I do, my mother always does something to sabotage a plan I have like going to the movies for 2 hours with a friend. My friend has a security camera in her house to check in her dogs while she is away, so I’m going to look into buying that so that when I leave, I can check in on Mom to see if she is ok. My biggest problem is the brothers girlfriend. I don’t think she should be allowed to stay at the house because of her behavior towards me. My mom just isn’t able to  tell her to stay somewhere else, she’s afraid of her. She is afraid of bad consequences. I need to check into the rights of someone that has lived in the same home for 53 years, with serious health problems. She treats me and looks at me like a lion that is maimed  and that I Dont contribute in any way. It is humiliating to me that my family allows this and won’t support me fully. I’m going to look into getting a restrainting order against her. You would think if my sister told her she has to stay at the hotel and my brother said he spoke to her and she still won’t admit to wrong doing and won’t applogoze, you would think she would get the hint and not come here anymore. She makes a lot of money and I think that is why my mom and sister are still nice to her. It just hurts me so deeply and I do 99% of caregiving to Mom and do everything to maintain the house. If something breaks, I have to go to YouTube and see if there’s a video where I could learn to fix it, I’m a taxi, handyman, financial assistant, chef, physchologist, geriractric doctor , holistic doctor, maid, servant, yard guy, decorator , window washer, errand boy and so many others you can not imagine! 
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I think that after the holidays you need to talk to your caseworker about finding disabled housing for yourself. You might consider the idea that moving out might be for the best.

Are your issues mental health related?  Are you on meds? It sounds as though they may need adjusting.  Are you under the care of a psychiatrist? Can you be in touch with her/him tomorrow?
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My reaction is the same as Pam's -- YOU use the hotel room. Let the rest of the family get along as well as they can.
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Hi Sugarboo,
Caregiving is a long difficult road, and we're happy you have found the support of others here on this site.
However, there are limits to what untrained members on our site can provide for you.
Please reach out to experts for additional support and the help you need 24 hours a day at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Call 1-800-273-8255
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Ask sister to put YOU up at the hotel and get yourself a little break!! Relax, watch TV, and go visit home for meals and such if YOU want to! I know I'd love that!! Good luck!
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