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As Garden said, there always are choices. What we don't often know before we embark on our caregiving journeys is how hard those choices become. I hope that you have POA for both your father and aunt. If so, talk to an elder law or trusts and estates attorney about selling one of their homes and consolidating them into one home where services can be brought in using the proceeds from the sale of one of their homes. If selling either home is not feasible, get them placed in a facility together and sell both of their homes to pay for their care.
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I applaud your honestly and recognizing what is reasonable. I'm sure your father and aunt would be so grateful that you explore options that work for you all. I'd explore what options there are. If finances are not available, there are benefits they may qualify for.
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Dear Emma,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. Sending you love and hugs during this difficult time.

I know you love your father and aunt very much but like GardenArtist said there is always choices. I know you don't feel like that right now, but when you are ready try to talk to a social worker. Look at all your options. Do not let yourself get burned out, angry and resentful. This is even tougher when you are grieving your beloved mother. Us women try and try to be everything to everyone but sometimes its just not possible.

Be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself the best you can. Thinking of you.
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Emma, there are always choices, although not all of them are good ones. If you're caring for 2 people with dementia, living in separate homes, that's just too much of a demand for you.

If you want relief, you're the only person who can create it. Accepting it as fate or "not much choice" is only going to make you feel more oppressed and trapped, and eventually that will become such a negative force that it could affect your ability to function and just care for yourself.

You have to think creatively, as a manager, not a doer. Tell us what some of the tasks are and we can offer suggestions on how to get help. Otherwise, I'm not sure that anyone can offer anything except consolation.

And know that you're not alone, not by any means.
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The other person is my aunt. Both my father and my aunt live in their homes. We have paid help for my Dad 3 days a week. I just feel like having already lost my Mom to dementia, I can't go through this two more times as the primary caregiver. But there is not much choice.
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Emma, your profile states that you're caring for your father. Who is the other person involved?

Depending on their medical conditions, you probably will have to make some tough decisions, one of them being consideration of caring only for your father.

Do you get any family or paid help in the home? Explaining more about the situation will help in providing targeted answers to your specific situation.

But you've taken the first step by recognizing that the situation is more than you can handle. The next step is to assess it, determine what can be done by others (family or paid) and start on that process.
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