My aunt has been dealing with some caretakers who are emotionally abusive. They tell her they wish she would move somewhere else, that they hope she asks management to refuse them as caretakers, etc. While management says they don't permit retaliation when she reports someone, the aides are poisoning each other against her and the attitude shows. My aunt has an overactive bladder and is wheelchair-bound and one aide actually took away her bedside potty out of spite until mother showed up and intervened. They've done that before with her wheelchair too. The new tactic is to paint my aunt as paranoid and delusional, that these things aren't happening or said to her. It's gaslighting. But she still has her faculties, and we've witnessed too much personally to discount her claims. This is a county run nursing home in PA. We've tried to communicate with management via meetings but the breakdown always happens when it comes to implementation of changes promised. We want to go outside the nursing home now. Who can we turn to? And is my aunt protected from "eviction" it we take this next step? We don't have the resources for better facilities or in-home care.
I would say put her somewhere else but that doesn’t sound like an option, I’m sorry you’re in this predicament. I will tell you this...
i took a nice bouquet of flowers to the nurses station at the second facility and a card with his name and room number and always stopped and chatted and was friendly (reminding any new faces of the flowers) “oh did so and so take them home?” I know it’s tough but a kind gesture goes a long way with those nurses! It’s going to be hard because you know damn well they don’t deserve them but try it, next week maybe a box of candy... they already deal with a lot of mean elderly but your aunty can talk and comprehend so she can tell you if they are being nicer to her. She is unfortunately in a helpless physical condition and if you make sure to shake their hand and “oh what’s your name? Well we appreciate your help Patty” then you know their name so it creates a relationship and then there is accountability in real life, even though you’re intentions are to figure out which ones. I even bought a matching bouquet for his room so they KNEW whose LO brought them. I shmoozed them for lack of better terms.
They were helpful, let me know how he was progressing BECAUSE I STOPPED EVERY VISIT!
Your aunty needs an advocate and the more rude or insistent you are the more backlash she’ll get when no one is around to witness their cruelty.
I always said “ you all put up with so much and we just really appreciate you and your kindness, you don’t hear Thank You nearly enough!” Yep I laid it on thick!!
“Oh goodness my Aunty’s wheelchair must’ve been borrowed?” You get my point. I’d even throw out a “ I’m not sure which nurse helped aunty last night but we thank you, she’s been having a rough time”
Given your options, it’s the best odds you can give her to make her their favorite patient.
Best of luck!