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My mum is going through a living hell. For over a year now, my single parent sister and her child have lived with her. My mother cannot cope with her but my sister will not leave as she claims she cannot afford to live on her own (she could). My mother keeps having outbursts because she is so frustrated with my sister's behaviour towards her. Almost every day my sister winds my mother up and and then my mother says she cannot stop herself from flying off the handle and screaming at her.

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Sad. She’s causing a lot of chaos for you and your mom. She needs to go!
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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We all have stress but somehow manage. Your mom has done her share.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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How old is she? Has she ever looked into therapy? She is responsible for a young child.

She torments your mom. That is upsetting to you. The child is wittinessing the mayhem. Not healthy for him. Does she feel entitled or is she not capable of being responsible due to mental illness?
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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I hope you can work it out. Sad for your mom, you and your nephew.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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How old is your nephew? Working part time, that could take a long time to get $20 k. That is ridiculous. She overspends. That is also ridiculous. Let her fend for herself and get a taste of the real world!

If she can’t manage at home, how will she manage out of your mom’s home? She can do better. She just doesn’t want to.
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Countrymouse Mar 19, 2019
She's not necessarily in a low-paid job, mind.
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*don't* be scared of the consequences for your nephew.

Could you send me a private message and tell me which local authority your mother's house comes under? Would you mind doing that? You just click on the avatar and it'll take you to my profile page.
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There are many full time working moms who don’t sponge off of their parents. You do what you have to do to support yourself and children. How old is your nephew?

Your sister needs to work full time. This should not be your mom’s problem, nor your problem. She can get out. Four times going back home is a bit much. Does she overspend foolishly? Is she saving enough money?
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Oh crumbs. Again.

How can you help..?

Right. Not very easily.

Have you *considered* - just considered, I'm not saying rush in there - contacting Social Services?

Does your mother have any support from/contact with health or social care teams? having lived alone before, it wouldn't be unusual.

The thing is. Somebody with some clout needs to spell out to your sister that it is not acceptable or sustainable for an 80 year old lady with an uncomfortable chronic health problem to be subjected to the stress of daily conflict; and that there is a question mark over whether this might even constitute abuse of a vulnerable person.

At the same time, it is not ideal - I wouldn't say not acceptable - for a child to be living with that much uncertainty and conflict around, and with that many changes of primary carer from day to day.

So that when you add it all up, what you want is a good social worker with plenty of wide-ranging experience of working with families to look at the whole picture.

Everybody involved deserves support (especially your mum, but I do feel for your sister and your nephew too). At the moment, although you and your brother are trying to move mountains, nobody is getting quite what they need.

Threats are really not going to help, obviously; but social services might have ideas other people wouldn't know about. So - what are they like round your area? Have you ever had anything to do with them?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Oh crumbs.

Sounds like this has always been a bit of a volatile relationship, if I may say so without giving offence?

Does your mother take on any childcare duties?
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this sounds like a far from simple situation.

How did your sister come to move in with your mother? Was there a divorce or something?

What kind of home are they living in?

Do you mind if I ask roughly where they are? - city, rural, what kind of environment with what kind of services and what kind of housing availability?

Does your sister work?

Does your mother have any health or social care needs of her own?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Maybe she needs to have her child taken away from her, she is abusive to mom that creates abuse to the child. Having to go to counseling at 5 says it all.

Sister needs a wake up call and having some one say your behavior is detrimental to your child and you are unfit sounds like a good alarm.

You have to protect these 2 vulnerable individuals from your sisters hateful provocation.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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You have not shared if your Mum has any type of dementia. If that is so, you can get a Power of Attorney for her and have the legal right to help her out in anything she needs, including making sure your sister is not making matters worse for her illness.
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Reply to balancedCaring
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Since you call her Mum I am assuming your in the UK?

As said, in Moms court. She needs to go to your local Police station and ask what she can do to evict sister.

Your sister needs to understand that what she is doing is not good for her five year old. Its not good for the 80 yr old either. Is she paying Mom for the utilities she is using, rent, food. If not she is taking advantage of an elderly person. If you don't care if sister gets mad at you, call whatever your adult protection services is where you are and run the situation by them. Your Mom owes your sister nothing.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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The ball is in mom’s court. She needs to have the courage to kick sister out
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Is your mother willing to formally evict your sister? If she is, then do it; eviction is a very easy process for the home owner, particularly when there is no formal lease.
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Reply to TNtechie
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My brother (now deceased) did this to my mom. Impossible, isn’t it? My heart aches for your mom.

Have you asked your your sister to leave? Does she have options?
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