My mom fell and broke her hip / thigh joint. She was operated on. Normally she was active and joyful. She would forgot some recent events but otherwise her brain was good.
After the hospital she has become very stubborn to us or the nurse we hired helping her. She also sent the therapist away. Now my sister and I alternate moving her. The nurse just sits there and is not allowed to come anywhere near her. Both my sister and I have back pains now from carrying her because she struggles back a lot every time we approach her to help her.
Anyone has any suggestions? Please we are desperate. Thank you
Another reason could be that she's not comfortable around strangers. I had the same problem with my husband. He would not allow any of the home health care workers, or even the hospice nurse touch him. Towards the end he didn't even want me to touch him and that created a huge frustration and problem. Looking back on it now though, I can see that he just wanted to be left alone. Even though personal grooming was a necessity it meant giving up part of his dignity. If I was in that situation I probably would feel the same way. These are all challenges that are so difficult to handle and may eventually be out of our control completely. I wished you well.
Truthfully, if she's still living in her own home at her age, with dementia and all these other issues going on, it's time to get her placed ANYWAY. Dementia issues tend to worsen after general anesthesia and they don't always get better with time, either. Not to mention dementia is progressive...........so things WILL go downhill from here. Stubborn behavior and argumentativeness only get worse with time too, as it has with my 94 y/o mother who suffers from moderate dementia.
When my 90 y/o father fell & broke his hip, he was never the same again & had to be moved into Assisted Living after becoming wheelchair bound. He did not have dementia but his mobility was forever compromised.
Wishing you the best of luck
Then Don't do a thing that will put any weight on your back
Keep in mind that pain meds are probably being given to her and they can change her personality. If her behavior changed suddenly, ask them to check her for UTI. Very common problem in facility settings and after surgeries. You'd be surprised how quickly one can return to normal after getting a UTI under control.
Edit: It looks like you have her at home, not rehab. Talk to dr about getting her in rehab. Even if it means taking her to ER (with uncontrolled pain, or whatever reason) and then telling dr to discharge her to rehab. Usually easier to go from hosp to rehab than from home to rehab
If mom refuses to go to rehab, she will be depend on others for her mobility. There is equipment you can rent or buy to make that easier for yourself. Ask doctor for PT referral for a home visit. PT can show you how to safely move mom to save your backs. PT can also give the best recommendations for assistive devices and instructions on using whatever you rent/buy.
It is either accept help from the caregiver that you have hired or she goes to a rehab or assisted living facility. Those are her only choices.
The important thing is DO NOT BACK DOWN. If you are there and she has to get up for lunch say I will get Nurse Susan to help you. Then you go get Susan. If mom says "no I want you to help me" all you should do is leave the room.
She probably should have gone to a rehab facility but during these times I understand the concern of being in any facility. the doctor should order Physical and Occupational therapists and mom should comply. Tell mom that if she does not comply with the Therapy you and sister may have no option but to find an Assisted Living facility or hire a live in caregiver. It is just to dangerous for you both to help her. Worst case is mom will get injured as well as both of you.
She should be working with a therapist to teach her to get up and walk; or else she will be in wheelchair forever. If she did not go to rehab for therapy, she should qualify for therapy at home at least initially. My MIL had severe dementia when she broke her hip and she could never figure out how to use walker so she had to be in wheelchair.
Personality change is common after something like this type of fracture, but also, you might consider having her checked for UTI. In the elderly, they often don't have symptoms of burning or urgency but they have personality changes.
and “hold up.”
i have had to relinquish much of my “cave” due to family members aging and/or having health problems.
I dread the day when strangers potentially come for me.
Can you give your mother a real or imaginary “safe place” of some kind?
I read about a mother of many kids who was able to make a safe place by pulling her apron over her head. Every one knew to leave her alone.
Maybe something like that would help your mom tolerate the nurses and therapists etc for a period of time . Her code to be left alone when the “ help” overwhelms her ?
Did Mom go to rehab? If not, why not? Does Mom live with you?
If you Mom currently will not allow the participation of the nurse sit with Mom, Sis, Nurse and yourself and tell her "Mom, we can't do this anymore. Our backs are going out. If that happens you will be in care in one second. And Mom, do understand, if you cannot cooperate with a nurse sent to help you, then you will need to go to rehab, snf or other placement to get care, because we can't do it anymore. We understand you are hurting, exhausted and in fear over all this, likely depressed as well. We are sorry about that. And if you have to move into care we will grieve that, but there is honestly nothing we can do about these facts."
Protect yourselves. No one will do it for you.
Visit, but don't help. If mom needs re-positioning, you step away and tell her that your doctor has ordered you to not do any more lifting.
Why would you and your sister risk life-altering injury to care for your mother when there is a nurse at her bedside?
Her wants do not outweigh your NEEDS.