My Mom had a stroke a year ago and has been in Assisted Living since April. Due to COVID it has been a difficult transition. We were not allowed to visit her until this fall.
Her stroke has caused left side weakness so she is very unsteady when using a walker and she has very little use of her left hand.
The recommendation was for assisted living and that seemed to be the best fit for her. Home care was considered but her home was not handicap assessable and because it was a manufactured home necessary modifications would be costly and difficult.
She moved into a brand new facility that was minutes from our home.
I speak with her daily and am allowed to go in now as a “compassionate caregiver”. My husband and I and her friends can make a scheduled visit on three days a week.
I am at wits end. Her list of complaints gets longer by the day. They range from cold food to caregivers not being prompt enough when she calls. I have received calls from her asking me to call and find out why she is being ignored. I try to advocate for her but I feel at this point her understanding of how the facility operates should be familiar to her. I hoped to see some acceptance by now. She has staff members that are very good to her but still she complains.
My mother wants her food served to her "red hot". She wants her coffee served boiling hot, literally. At home, she'd put the red hot percolated coffee in the MICROWAVE for 1.30 minutes so it'd come out BOILING. One time, her pet cockatiel Romeo flew into her cup of lava hot coffee and burned all the skin off of his leg and foot. My father, God rest his soul, had to give Romeo injections of antibiotics 2x a day every day for a month to save that poor birds life.
Even so, she STILL does not comprehend why the caregivers won't put her coffee in the microwave and serve it to her blisteringly hot. They already have 911 on speed dial, folks. My mother is 94 and has no gripping ability left in her hands as it IS, never mind lava hot food and beverages. Not happening.
The call buttons are never, ever, under ANY circumstances answered As Fast As They SHOULD Be by the staff who have enough call buttons going off to deafen them. It's The Law.
The Law of Assisted Living is To Complain. Loudly and frequently and preferably to the daughter who does the most for the complainer.
It's The Law.
They sit around the dining room and complain. Why did Mildred get MORE ice cream for dessert and why did Bob get extra whipped cream? Oh, because HE'S THE WAITRESSES FAVORITE. Why can Ann order 7 items from the menu and I only get 3? And on and on. It's The Law.
They sit around the activity room complaining. Why is John such a SORE LOSER at bingo every time? And why is Joann always winning so many quarters?????? She must be CHEATING, that's why!!!
Complaining is The Law of Assisted Living. Get used to it. Let it all go in one ear and out the other unless it's something to truly WORRY about that's the basis of the complaint. Like no heat. Or no hot water. Or no electricity. Then you listen and intervene. Otherwise, you cluck your tongue and say That's Unfortunate and Gee I'm Sorry To Hear That and then you either leave or hang up and say goodnight.
Welcome to the ranks of those suffering thru the Complaints of Assisted Living. You're not alone and never will be! 😁
It is wonderful that you are all visiting, but make sure you are leaving time for her to get acclimated to the facility and the other guests.
It’s possible you’re being a little too sympathetic. We’re all hoping for things to get back to normal soon and there will be a much different routine, more structured activities and entertainment, more chance to make friends and enjoy more freedom.
Could you try calling at different times every other day and see what happens? Let a day go by, and maybe she’ll forget what she would have griped about the day before.
Are her staff caregivers concerned about her complaints? If she isn’t complaining to them, she’s probably starting to adjust, maybe more than you think.
Some adjust relatively quickly, some take more time, some take a LOT MORE time. If she’s safe, and doing some things for herself, she’s probably doing fine.