Very sad, I think it is the responsibility of state if laws are made immediately. I also have view, it is drawback of family system, in the situation if the caregiver have family they might share some burden of services or expenses with her. For example if she gets marry her husband can provide some kind of assistance to her. If she had family system like in Asia certainly she might never feel lonely, there some a close family relative they come to rescue her in provision of services or finance. It is still recommended for her that she should try to marry and get a partner who will help her in kinds of services, finance and healing through personal support and love.
lost.....I do have an older sibling....no help there....also all the aunts/uncles whom my parents helped all those years.....nope.......I have learned to resign myself a long time ago to expecting nothing from folks...I think I kind of went into this knowing there was going to be no help from anyone, including the sibling. I am, at present, about to have my house foreclosed on now...so have had to come to peace with that as well. But it's all on me. I am not going to hold grudges...I am letting go of the anger and even hate I have to admit I have here and there...all that is going to do is make me even angrier...just letting it go....for if I had it all to do over again and knew then what I know now...I would change nothing...
I thimk if you expect to be compensated you might as well put her inti an assisted living home. I could and would not take money from a parent. And yes I took care of my Dad who my post name is for.
I think, for me, it wasn't about getting paid by my Mom, it was more about the fact that it would have been helpful had my sibling contributed to things along the way that would have helped remove a lot of stress from me....I made sure Mama got what she needed...no matter how tight it got, I found a way to make it...but sadly, as much as I love him, my brother was not there financially for me.....I don't understand that, as this is his mother too, but he just did not feel compelled to help financially other than a few minor items along the way. It has been hurtful but it has been hurtful to me more from the perspective that it felt like my sibling could have cared less how hard it has been on me. Even now that I will be losing my home to foreclosure, all he said was, gee I hate that....I have had to let it go. none of this has been about me getting reimbursed or paid by my Mama, it just would have been helpful if the support had been there mentally ....all I can say is we are making it, and God is good...I have to let the anger and resentment go if I am going to keep being strong and present for Mama....I just will never understand some people....and how they see no responsibility towards others...
If your parents can qualify for Medicaid, Medicaid will pay for you to bathe, dress, administer health aid, clean and cook for them. Get information from you state's dept. of human services.
I never thought I would have these thoughts until I read this thread. First of all I feel some of these elders are making life very difficult for you. That would be the ones mentally intact that refuse to cooperate with you when you have found facilities for them to live in. You have a life too. No one has said, " I need to go party more." You need to maintain your job and pay your bills. You want to maintain your mental health. I feel the caregiver must make that final call despite protests from loved ones. Reassure them you will visit. You can even take them out for a meal if they are medically able and tbey can attend family functions They are also allowed to go home for several days at a time. You must do what is best for all concerned.If you are not taking care of yourself you will wind up unable to take care of anyone properly.
If you go to a homecare agency they will help you plug into programs your loved one might benefit from. I am going to tell you that you made a mistake by quitting your job. The amount of hours you get is determined by looking at who the able bodied adults are in the home that have availability. Insurance will not pay to send out someone and you are home everyday. The best way to start seeking services is while you are most active outside your home. Gives you relief and many more. hours. Also as thr elder will most likely need more care as time goes on , saves you from a lot of caregiver burnout while giving you a chance to better carry on your life.
Just came across this in my e-mails today and decided to check in. I know these posts are really old, but I am horrified by some of the responses. "Just ask your parent to pay you," haha!!! Don't you think if the parent had money this question would even be asked? The people that think you should do it out of the goodness of your heart obviously have money, and have no clue what it is to have none. I just needed to vent this out because this is a serious issue. The state I live in does not pay for family caregivers. I have to sign up for medicaid and risk losing the house in order to get any help. The house was suppose to be my inheritance for all the work I have done. I feel screwed. Has anyone formed a petition to get the laws changed, or do I need to start one?
Please start one. I will be the first to sign. My sibs have informed me that asking to be reimbursed for my work is social security fraud. I called an attorney - they are wrong - just another threat to keep me in line. I am making an appointment with a family mediator who specializes in these cases.
I rather say you that be patient, she is your mother, she gave you birth, she did not ask anybody to pay money for her feeding to you when you were totally dependent. yes your sibling must share expenses and care services, if they not, even you have to carry on, God will support you here in this world and a great reward will be waiting for you in haven. Very sad children are asking to their mom that we cant take care of you and they forget it was she who had been taking care when they were totally dependent of her mother.
I wonder if people truly realize that not all circumstances are the same?! I have been taking care of my mom for 8 years. I don't go the movies, out to dinner, or buy new clothes. I have not seen a dentist in years, or a regular doctor. My mom can not go to the bathroom with out my help. I do what I do out of the goodness of my heart. The people on this thread that make it sound like we are trying to get something out of our parents that we don't deserve are infuriating!!! How dare you! I sometimes think prisoners might have it better off. I feel like an animal with one of those traps on my foot. I am not the one who forgot my mother took care of me. My 2 brothers, and 2 sisters who do nothing monetarily or physically to help are the ones who forgot their mother. I am a worthy human being who deserves a little bit of the currency that it takes to make the world go around, anyone who doesn't believe that does not have a clue.
Dear VivianMM, I am very sorry if my opinion hearts you. I see and everybody know you and many more like you are suffering from similar conditions. At present there is no legal cover in all over the world to deal such kinds of cases. Even your vice is listen in an appropriate stage it will also take time to implement. But i fear every body will support the option that the senior citizen may be shifted in senior citizen homes that will not be acceptable to many people.
Vivvian...I understand your frustration. Similar circumstances here....and like you, I certainly love my Mama and would not be here, doing this if it were not so...even so, it is so exasperating to have a sibling who, while he comes once a week, contributes nothing towards medical bills, etc. and the only time he offers to do something around the house it is always something he knows I do not want him to do (because his way of doing it always causes even MORE work for me in the end) I was talking to a friend about something one day not too long ago...about a neighbor situation, not my Mama, but they told me, oh you know you dont' want to do that ...you might end up in jail....I laughed and then I told them, you know what? at least then I MIGHT get a little rest....It totally understand...and it is very sad.... prayers and blessings to you.
Sadly, by the time most of us reach this situation, enormous medical bills and other care have already eaten up the savings of the family member or loved one being cared for. I knew coming in I would be living meager...and I was right...My parents planned well, were always giving and doing for everyone, BUT could never have planned for unforeseen, and totally out of the blue accidents...ie LIFE...that just happens..and the way healthcare costs have skyrocketed...and all the mistakes in medical billing on top of that, no wonder even seniors who worked hard, planned well and saved ...like Mama and Daddy...can end up living very meager at the end. I am just thankful that Mama does have excellent health insurance, dental etc....we are blessed to have hospice now, but I am pretty much sunk....I guess I just try to think that perhaps...perhaps....God seeing me and knowing what I am doing He will give me what I need to make it...and please don't scream at me anyone for saying this...because I am a believer...but I am getting so tired of people telling me my crown awaits me in heaven...sometimes I find myself wondering if I even believe anymore..deep inside I know I do , but it is a struggle...and the emotional toll this has taken on me, having been abandoned by everyone, is what is going to do the most damage...but then I also know that one day, hopefully a long way down the road, when the time comes I do not have my Mama with me anymore, I will know I did all I could do...I wonder what all the other folks she knew and loved will say....
Vivian you are actually right people don't understand if they haven't walk in these shoes. You lay down your life but after a while you have realize when enough is enough because we a human. Only you are going to be the one that comes to the point that you have given your all and you can't go any further. That's when you have peace within yourself knowing you tried and you have come to the point that you need more help than you can give your love one. You must do what best for them and yourself if you don't you will go down yourself then the choice will be made anyway. I didn't want to either but God knows what best and you have to make sure you have a life now and later too. Look at this way you sibling who didn't do anything will have to live with after your love one has gone and you will have nothing but peace because of the love you gave. Now mother is in a NH but I learn it doesn't mean you gave up it just comes a time for other to watch and do what you can do anymore. I still call and visited my mother 2 and 3 times a week and talk on the phone daily. And she has adjusted well now life is better for her and me. Love yourself and take care of your self you only have one life.
I am just starting to look into this. I am starting with Senior Services - Area Agency on Aging. Different states and counties and cities have different programs. I never thought I would be inquiring about something like this but I have lost my employment and my mom needs constant care. I am willing to take any certifications necessary to ensure that I give her proper care. If there is or was another way, I would check out options. So, PirateGal don't judge until you walk in another person's shoes. If I was working and able to pay and could ensure that I would find decent care I would. If my mom could pay for senior care, she would. I love my mother dearly and really don't feel comfortable seeking pay but no amount of money can cover the heartache of a parent who falls and hurts themselves and has medical problems such as side affects from brutal cancer treatment and is on blood thinners. I just want my mom to have the best care possible and right now, that is me. However, unemployment doesn't begin to cover my bills. I didn't ask to be unemployed, the grant money ran out. Whatever the reason, if you need help with an aging parent who needs you, look into the Office on Aging.
my husband is 81 yrs old and so am I. We have been paying for a long term care policy for years and I was wondering if this policy would help pay my son who is helping take care of me. I am the disabled person but my husband still works. Should I call my long term care insurer or is this jus a waste of time? My son has applied for disability but still takes me for dr appts and does all the grocery shopping and cooking and clothes washing and keeping up the house plus helping me with my oxygen and medicine.
I agree, People that have never cared for an elderly parent does not know how hard it is. My partner stays home to take care of my mom while I continue to work. He would be a long haul truck driver but she can no longer afford private sitters, we have used most of our savings to help her along with paying for groceries, some of her meds etc. to the point we couldn't do it anymore so him staying home with her was our only option at this time. It would be nice if he could receive something for the job he is doing rather than costing the government thousands a month for her to be in a nursing home.
Doesn't your mom get social security or a pension (her work or her husbands social security or pension)? She lives with you she should pay you. If she lived alone she would use her social security to pay for things, so I guess I do not understand why you are paying for her food, meds etc. if mom is on Medicare, she should have a supplemental insurance that pays for meds. Take a salary from her.
One question, where will all this money come from to pay for everyone to take care of their parent(s)?
We need to stop and think the money is taken from our taxes. To fund every single household where there is an elder would cost trillions of dollars... that would mean our payroll taxes, income taxes, sales taxes, property taxes, etc. would go sky high. I couldn't imagine half of one's salary for those who are employed outside of the home going back to the government in the form of taxes.
What is ironic is that various govt programs do pay for NH care, which is certainly more than assisting a family to keep their loved ones at home would be. Here in California, there is assistance--SSI (I think it was) paid for a day worker for my MIL, which made it possible for my husband and I to continue operating our business, and I have a friend who was getting assistance for the care of an in-law in poor health. (The widowed sister-in-law had no place to go after her husband passed away and was almost bedridden herself with a variety of disabling things; my friend took her to doctors as needed and encouraged her to be active and eat properly, and she is now doing much better, even though she still has a lot of pain and other issues.) This assistance was a program of the local Dept of Aging, and was being reorganized recently so I don't know the current status.
I think it varies from state to state. I researched it for my grandmother and the process was murky to say the least. I was told by a couple of nurses and social workers that i could get paid 15 bucks a day here in South Carolina. Here you have to go through signing them up for medicaid. They said that you usually have to wait a year after applying though to get it started. My grandmother was on hospice at the time and they said she could not be on hospice while I was getting paid. My grandma is 100 so I said to h*ll with it and figured she would be gone by the time I figured out how to get the money or had to place her in a home. Search for "Cash and Counseling programs" i think it is called different things in different states.
There are a few things that may help....aid and assistance through medicaid will pay a family member or friend designated as a care giver but not a spouse, of course this is based off the patients income/SSI etc.... Check for any benefits available for your loved one from the VA or VA spouse is avail to anyone who was in the active military and costs are more than their income aid and assistance or housebound are 2 programs.I agree with "give a hug", people who have never done this don't understand it or they have so much money they have no need to work. I gave up a fantastic job to care for mom when dad died. She could not live alone. She finally got so bad I could not do it alone anymore and I also have a chronic illness.I have no family, siblings or children to help. My savings in completely gone...goes fast at $6,000 a month for care over several years!People PLEASE get long term care insurance for your parents and as young as possible while you can still get the policy, it is only going to get worse as all us baby boomers hit the system. Forget about life insurance or get a LTC policy that will convert if you don't use it. I wish I had known about it years ago though my parents would not have paid for it I would have.Mom's first stroke was 20 years ago so you can imagine the astronomical costs for caring for someone that long. I agree our goverment should help defray these costs. You're ok if you are poverty level or extremely wealthy but if you are middle class forget it!Hope one of these programs will work for you!
Here is one thing to think about if one is trying to decide whether to quit work to care for an aging parent.... on average if a working woman quits work she will lose $325,000 [salary, health insurance, pension, other benefits], and a working man quits work he will lose $285,000.
Would any of us write our parent a check for $325,000 or $285,000 so that parent can remain in their own home? That gives all of us a lot of food for thought, doesn't it.
If any of us stop by a Caregiver's Agency, how many of us would be hired? I remember telling my parents if an Agency sent out a person who couldn't lift you if you fell... couldn't take your blood pressure... doesn't know CPR... doesn't know how to listen to your heart for irregular beats, etc... doesn't like household chores, especially cooking.... gets panicky when driving... and is pushing 70 years old, would you accept this person in your home as your Caregiver. My parents said *no*. Well, Mom and Dad, THAT person would be me. That was an eye opening conversation for my parents.
My name has been on my mothers account for 20+ years and I have taken care of her part time for 6 1/2 years and then she moved in with us for almost 2 years now and we charge her accordingly as she was paying in an Independent Apartment complex. Since I have been on the account longer than 5 years, will I have go give money back that I have used to cover our expenses in caring for her? (Mortgage, insurance, food, utilities, gas, etc...) We used our own money to assist her at times and do not keep track of it. It should be done for "LOVE", but no amount of money can cover the loss of privacy. How is it ok to pay for her to be in an Independent Living to the amount of $1500.00 a month, but not be able to have her pay for her to live in our home and cause our expenses to double in some case? The grocery bill has more than doubled because of all her "special need items".
first of all to the people that don't think people should get paid to care for the parents are ignorant. try being single and having to work two jobs, but your parent can.t be alone most of the time because she falls and thats only part of the problem, she has two bad knees and a bad rotary cup, but at 80 surgery is a risk. how do I care for her if I have to work two jobs just so I can have a car and a home of my own? If there was some sort of income for this situation, I could at least drop my part time job and be with her more. I spend a lot of time with her when I can but I worry about her falling and laying on the floor for 6 hours like the last time she fell because she didnt want to bother me at work! I need some sort of resource for what it is I can do in order to take proper care of my mother, I feel guilty because I am a caregiver at my job and here I am taking care of others more than I am for my own mother! any ideas?
For those of you wondering if there is money for you to take care of your parents, the answer is no, unless your parent has those funds. This is not judgment, just fact.
If you have been using your parents funds, you need to keep all receipts, and if possible, get caregiver contracts between you and them. Again, this isn't judgment, just discussing from my personal experiences. One sibling can and will turn on another, and the law will be on the seniors side without proof of what you used the funds for.
The fact is, there is some money available if the parent served in the military in a war. See your local veterans affairs office or their website. That money can be used for a deceased veterans spouse if the marriage did not end in divorce.
There is also some Medicaid for those who qualify, and social security for those who qualify. But there isn't a government fund to pay for elderly infirmed. This is a relatively new problem. In the past, whole families took care of this. Now we have so many nuclear families, and people living much longer in poor health than before.
For those of you trying to care for your parents, I urge caution before giving up your own job. You also have to figure out how to care for you, too. And if you didn't earn enough for social security benefits then even that sum won't be there for you.
Some helpful ideas: if you can prove you are supporting your parent at least 50% of costs, then you can claim them on taxes, and may be able to file as head of household and may get earned income credits.
If your parent is living with you and is over 67, and you have earned social security benefits, then the parent may be able to get social security off of your benefits. But this needs to be filed before May 1 2016. The laws are changing then.
I am going to tell you that you made a mistake by quitting your job. The amount of hours you get is determined by looking at who the able bodied adults are in the home that have availability. Insurance will not pay to send out someone and you are home everyday. The best way to start seeking services is while you are most active outside your home. Gives you relief and many more. hours. Also as thr elder will most likely need more care as time goes on , saves you from a lot of caregiver burnout while giving you a chance to better carry on your life.
We need to stop and think the money is taken from our taxes. To fund every single household where there is an elder would cost trillions of dollars... that would mean our payroll taxes, income taxes, sales taxes, property taxes, etc. would go sky high. I couldn't imagine half of one's salary for those who are employed outside of the home going back to the government in the form of taxes.
Would any of us write our parent a check for $325,000 or $285,000 so that parent can remain in their own home? That gives all of us a lot of food for thought, doesn't it.
If any of us stop by a Caregiver's Agency, how many of us would be hired? I remember telling my parents if an Agency sent out a person who couldn't lift you if you fell... couldn't take your blood pressure... doesn't know CPR... doesn't know how to listen to your heart for irregular beats, etc... doesn't like household chores, especially cooking.... gets panicky when driving... and is pushing 70 years old, would you accept this person in your home as your Caregiver. My parents said *no*. Well, Mom and Dad, THAT person would be me. That was an eye opening conversation for my parents.
If you have been using your parents funds, you need to keep all receipts, and if possible, get caregiver contracts between you and them. Again, this isn't judgment, just discussing from my personal experiences. One sibling can and will turn on another, and the law will be on the seniors side without proof of what you used the funds for.
The fact is, there is some money available if the parent served in the military in a war. See your local veterans affairs office or their website. That money can be used for a deceased veterans spouse if the marriage did not end in divorce.
There is also some Medicaid for those who qualify, and social security for those who qualify. But there isn't a government fund to pay for elderly infirmed. This is a relatively new problem. In the past, whole families took care of this. Now we have so many nuclear families, and people living much longer in poor health than before.
Some helpful ideas: if you can prove you are supporting your parent at least 50% of costs, then you can claim them on taxes, and may be able to file as head of household and may get earned income credits.
If your parent is living with you and is over 67, and you have earned social security benefits, then the parent may be able to get social security off of your benefits. But this needs to be filed before May 1 2016. The laws are changing then.