How can I get paid to care for my elderly mom?

I think most of us just don't want to end up losing everything in our lives because we have to be responsible for the care of our parents. It is a very thankless job because by the time we get to this point our parents are angry at everything including us. In my situation I get to hear how I owe it to her even though I married at seventeen, moved away and have never asked her for anything. She has never had to help me financially, never helped care for my children or give me emotional support, yet I owe it to her. I would also like to add to this question. My mother has the money to help pick up on the extra expenses that we have because of having to care for her but I am terrified of using her money because when I get to the point of needing medicaid help I will be accused of taking her money. Something has to change in this nation to help those of us who are trying to do the right thing.

I think the problem for most of us, we feel guilty. I always find it amazing that siblings can walk away, or not change there lives in any way, and they have no guilt. But, when we step in and take care of a parent, the siblings or other family members go crazy if we want to get paid. So you, or the ones of us that take care of a parent, we should be given help and be given pay. When our parents were raising there children, they had no problem with working and letting us go to school or daycare, other, because they had to make money to live. So why should we not be able to work outside from our parents, or be caregivers for our parents and earn money, and have our families. Because we feel guilty, that is why. So if a parent has the finances to pay you, THEY SHOULD. They paid a babysitter, daycare, other for you, now they need to pay for your work. I do not understand fremont25 comment about medicaid, how can they accuse you if a parent wants to pay you for your work, if they do not pay you, they pay someone else. You do know that by law, up to $13,000 cash gift can be given a year, so instead of paying you one cash gift a year, you take monthly payments. (Check with an accountant) on that in your state. Or if they pay you, it might be necessary to get a bookkeeper for the tax issue.

Thanks lostfamily for your input. What I meant on the medicaid is they question every check paid to the family member or the person responsible for the care of the person applying for assistance. If they determined that it was an unnecessary expense or an attempt to hide money they will deny you coverage and demand that you pay it back. When my mother was in assisted living I had to help pay on her rent for a couple of months. We were waiting for a back payment and when that came in I paid myself back and I was told that my mother could be disqualified for doing that. They are looking for something that may indicate you are trying to shelter money. When filing for medicaid in our state you are not allowed to gift any money during the five year look back period, this even involves to charities and churches. They will demand that it is paid back before you can qualify. They don't care who it went to just that it comes back. I have learned the same rules for the IRS do not even come close to the same rules for medicaid.

Okay, I understand now, I thought I read that she was financial okay, yes, being on medicaid they do not want any money spent. My brother was on medicaid, they even wanted to know if his funeral and burial was already paid. I am sorry that I do not have anymore suggestions for you to earn money, I wish that our parents would have thought more about there elder years and there children. My best wishes are with you, because you are a good daughter, keep us all updated, I hope something can happen for you to get some relief.

If you have POA you should be able to reimburse yourselves for your parents' expenses at least. Check with a lawyer. Even if all the money gets used up, it shouldn't interfere with getting Medicaid because any type of care is eligible for payment.

rite now im lucky im a caregiver not my parents but a friend, ive worked in a nursinghome i wouldnt put my dog in one.you do have some good staff,but for the most part ,most are there for a check and thats all.they dont and are not going to take care or our elderly as well as the adult child

If you read the above posts, if your mother is on Medicaid, there is not a lot of help for you to get paid. If your mother has the money and is not on government assistance, you should be paid by her. If you have POA, check with an attorney, and if you have siblings, then set a scale of pay. I do not know the legal side in your state, so please contact an attorney. I have POA, as well as, my sister, my father has the finances to pay us a small amount, I have a CPA and this has been done legal.

I know there is a way but it varies by state. I'd call the Medicare/Medicaid people and ask. Most states also have am ombudsman, and they know this stuff really well. Don't give up, though, because I know it is possible. Please let me know what you find out for your state. I will do some investigating for you, too. Best wishes! Susan (gr8fulnurse)

There is a rumor in my area (Chicago, IL) that one can go to the local offices for Elder Care and ask that they evaluate your loved one, and then they can provide some type of documentation for you to receive compensation for caregiving.
I wish I knew more than this. This is clearly a state-level program, and not all states may offer it, and they may have different criteria. Pursue more info through your local Elder Care and Welfare offices. Good luck.

There is help available in most all states: First...as to Medicaid, they offer a Home Based Waiver Program. The Va: Aid and Attendance......even if the surviving spouse was not in the military, but the other was....it can pay up to 1700 a month for the veteran and 1400 for spouse. You can find all of this out on the internet.....START the process asap, as the veterans benefits are retro active from the day of filing...there is also alot of Elder Care agencies that offer temporary respite care to give you a break. There are adult day care centers that start at 40.00 a day on up and you typically can get reimbursed for some or all....they are usually open from 7 to 6, so this allows you to work. I can't stress enough that DO NOT accept.....no....or you don't qualify.....even when it comes to some social workers that are uninformed.....keep researching !

I did not read a single answer that named an organization that would "pay" a family member or friend to care for an elderly person. The most helpful answer is not whether a caregiver "should be paid" but a list of resources that would provide financial relief for the caregiver who still provides for the daily expenses of living for themselves and their family/friend but who has relinquished the benefits of receiving a regular pay check themselves in order to provide the necessary care and help. Does such a list actually exist? How would one qualify for this type of assistance? There is a whole network (if you can navigate it!) of organizations that can provide financial support in various ways but I haven't found one that will pay the caregiver a salary outside of actually working for an agency as an employee. If anyone can provide the name, address and phone number of such a group, please share it with the rest of us.

Deborah - my take on the question was whether one should be paid by the person you are caring for. If your parents have a large bank account, and you give up your job to care for them, are you entitled to payment from their money? I believe you are, but the big question is, is it legal, and is it respected. There are guidelines as to how much money should/could be paid and under what circumstances. These would be government guidelines because you want to not be accused of stealing their funds, and you want to know how the IRS would treat the funds.... as gifts, or income? With 97 answers, I bet there are some good resources here. To answer your request for a group that would pay you, none could. Any non-prof or prof organization would be bound by insurance etc and you would need to be hired by them and they would be 'vouching' for you and liable for any misconduct on the part of an employee. So you could do it, if you wanted to meet their employment guidelines. What you want is to be paid in kind for the service you provide. You give up a little freedom (your job), they give up a little of theirs (their money). It's a win-win. Plus if you define it, no one can come back later with hurt feelings cause they misunderstood what was expected or what was to be paid.

Thanks SO MUCH to whoever it was that forwarded to me links to sites that help caregivers (maybe?) get paid. I'm printing off a large batch of answers which will then be placed on the coffee table in the living room where Dad will surely see them. And he'll read them too. And as with anything monetary, he'll not mention a word. Sad but true. But hey, who am I to give up? All I can do is try. To get some sort of compensation that is. It's been 2 years now and 2 months. I'm sure I need to get paid - am certain: and then I'll re-visit my psychiatrist. Seriously - I am grateful to you and for all the comments I've been reading since I joined yesterday. I've been writing although that has really become a back burner issue. I am trying to find a way to make all of this somehow be purposeful - give this whole situation some attention. It's difficult to put into words but 2 years ago, I felt good about myself. I now talk to myself far too much.. Anyone out there want to help me with a screenplay on taking care of a parent? As though we really have time.

I do know that if your loved one is former military or was married to a former military or enlisted person, there is a Veterans benefit that is available to pay for a caregiver. That caregiver can from what I know be a family member or a facility. Just call your local VA branch/office and inquire about the "Aid and Attendance" program. I hope this helps.

I agree that family caregivers should be paid. After all, you cannot get an outside caregiver to work for free, so why should you? As many of us have lost jobs or given up jobs, lost health insurance, used up retirement funds, had to go on early social security, etc. and we still have to pay all the same bills as usual for ourselves. As Riptide mentioned that other countries do recognize the value of family caregivers, and have a compensation system for them, why not the USA??

Most people would agree that is better to pay a family member to care for an elderly relative than a stranger or have the elderly end up in a nursing home for thier care. If the elderly have the assets, it should be used for their care no matter who or where it is. If they don't have the financial means, medicaid will help absorb the cost of their care. Caregiving is a job that sometimes requires 24/7 nonstop care. Who in their right mind would volunteer for such an insurmountable job without some type of compensation!

This doesn't answer the question but PLAN AHEAD! When possible have compensation written into the POA (or DPOA). I learned this lesson the bad way with my Mother in law. So when my Father in law redid his paperwork He added a paragraph giving "pay" to his primary caregiver even if it wasn't his POA.
If there is money in the estate talk to an attorney about an employment contract that Medicare will accept paying you for care.

my mother draws diability and g
has medicare and Medicaid. b
can I get paid for caring for her 24-7

I have a similar situation in that I have been caregiving for over 2 years, left my job to move in with my parents so they could remain in their home after my mother had 3 strokes and my father had a car accident and broke his hip. I relied on my savings although my father and mother's elder attorney suggested a contract be drawn up for me to receive compensation for my 24/7 caregiving. He said that is the best way to show this is a legitame t

The elder lawyer advise a contract because otherwise it would appear as a gift and if my parents were to run out of income, and need to go on medicade, then that money would have to be returned . The medical insurance I am paying for is the biggest expense out of pocket and whatever income I earn will be primarily to help me maintain my health.. My parents are not rich or poor and I am struggling because I don't want to "charge" them however what I am trying to come to terms with is that I still have a responsibility to take care of my bills. My parents are grateful for my being here (stressful for all at times) however were they to hire someone (low end) 24/7 it is 115.00 daily. Average SNF private pay we visited was 280. a day. This is what I know to be true for my situation. I currently thank God both of them are with me and so for 2014 i am going to probably make certain I am getting a small compensation , much smaller than what I would be earning in a employment situation as I was working when health insurance cost me less than 30.00 a month for great coverage and now i am paying 556.00 a month just in medical premium...

They do HAVE PROGRAMS TO PAY PEOPLE TO TAKE CARE OF THE ELDERLY, it is called Age waiver caregiver, through Medicaid. All you need to do is contact the Senior Citizens Center in your area or check with Social Services & they can direct you to who you'll need to speak with. It is not easy physically or financially when someone is required to quit their job to take care of their parents or a relative. As a matter of fact they have these programs just for that reason. It is less costly for the state to pay a family member to take care of one of the fore mentioned than it is to place them in a rest home, or assisted living. And don't you think they will be getting way better care at home???? Until they actually need to be place in a nursing home.
God bless you all with your situation, Dave

I cared for both mom and dad for two yrs and now mom for 3 more yrs. Never been paid a dime. My brothers who do nothing to help me, send her money in the mail. She is not willing to offer me a dime. She thinks it is my obligation to care for her, says it is in the bible. I must have missed that verse, especially since I have four brothers. We have drastically reduced her cost of living because she now leaves off of us. No gas bills, no grocery bill. It kinda bothers me because I feel like it they want to help, they would help me financially. She needs a lot of thing we can't afford and she won't pay for. (Handicap ramp, handicap tub) Then she brags to me about how much money they sent her, as in you don't do anything for me. They are trying to buy her love and she is letting them. Meantime, my hubby and I are going downhill financially and physically. Grrr, yes, we should be compensated by SOMEBODY.

Dave is correct, but there are income limits to qualify for the waiver services. Each state is different. In Massachusetts it is called, The Home and Community-Based Services Waiver (HCBS). Your countable income must be no greater than $2130 per month in 2013. You do not need to be on Medicaid to be eligible.

Try the website. It has good information on both public and private resources to help pay for caregiving. It also links to specific state programs

My mom is unable to live by herself. She has many mserious medical problems and does not want to stay in a nursing home. There are three of us who has been caring for her. For the last year I have not been able to care for her in her home because I have been down with SI joint and herniated disk problems. My husband is my caretaker at this point. Another sister just had back surgery she is also recovering. The third sister is tired and no longer wants to care for my mom it will be a year in May. I need info about how to care for mom when I cannot do it myself. There are 3 of us but everyone has a personal problem. I cannot blame my third sister because she is tired. We need advice.

Just because your mom does not want to stay at a nursing home, does not mean that is not the best option. If you give me the choice to stay at home with my children taking care of me, or a facility, I would choose staying with my children. You need to talk to her, your family needs to do research, and find out the best facility, care level, cost and who would be closest. You and your siblings need to visit the facility and remember they are not all the same. My dad has been in two different facilities - the first one, did not handle his needs and we were still doing everything for him, the one he is in now, we all love. He has made friends, all of his medical issues are being addressed, his meals, my dad has always been a loner, but the other day, he went on a field trip to the Olive Garden with the facility, we just could not believe it. I do not know your mom's financial situation, but you and your siblings need to start looking into a Assistant Living or Nursing Home, you need to know the level your mom needs, and you all need to pull together on finding a good place for your mom, it is so wonderful to be able to just visit dad, we still take him to his doctor, and out to eat once in a while, but he usually turns us down, because he wants to eat with (his) new friends. DO NOT let quilt or obligations keep you from finding her the best place, and, by the way, do not let those people that say, you should keep your mom at your home, make you feel wrong about having your mom move into a ALF. Sure, ALF may not be for everyone, but when taking care of a parent is effecting your health, or your family life, that is not fair to you, remember, you deserve to have a life, why do you thing there are so MANY ALF and nursing homes?

I knew going into this that I was not going to get paid for caring for my Mama. I did it anyway and would not change that for one minute. While I get frustrated, exhausted, worn out, emotionally drained, the moments when she has moments of clarity (she has dementia / alzheimers) are priceless to me.

What has been shocking however is the callousness with which I have been met by creditors and others who talk to me as it I am some sort of deadbeat for not working and caring for my Mama. I know everyone cannot do it. I know that even more would not do it...But for me there was no other choice. I chose to be here, so am not complaining about that, but it is truly heartbreaking to know that our society seems to view caregiving with such disdain to those who are, truly, trying to do right by their parents or other family members...

People that you owe money do not care if your taking care of your mom or working as a sales clerk or anything else, they just want there money. Your choice to be a full time caregiver is the greatest gift you can give your mom, it is also one of the hardest jobs you can do. It is harder than raising children, because you are not teaching your mom like you are a child. With just going through this whole care giving with my father, and fighting with siblings, I know how hard it is from personal experience. As much as you are drained from your mom, you can feel so great about yourself, because you, even if your mom does not recognize it, are giving her a wonderful gift. With that being said, there is a time that you are going to have to put yourself and your family first. That does not mean you do not love your mom, it just means, you may have to move her into a Assistant Living Facility or a nursing home, and let professionals take care of her daily needs, and you go back to being the daughter not the caregiver. Even during a airplane crash, they say to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then you can be able to save the children, in your case, mom. I do not mean to sound uncaring, because taking care of a parent is hard and rewarding at the same time, but, remember, our parents did not prepare for there old age, it was not your responsibility to prepare them. They worked there adult life, they should have put away money so they could afford to pay for the cost of a caregiver. Yes, they gave us money, and paid for us, but why should we give up our life's during our wage earning years. If you are worried about money NOW, how are you going to pay for someone to take care of you, when you can not take care of yourself. JUST A THOUGHT.

Oh absolutely...I know people to whom you owe money do not care one iota about your financial situation..or mine...they just want their money. Actually my parents did prepare for their care...they also paid off their parents mortgages when they were younger, they also put their younger siblings through school and gave several of them money to help them start their new homes....they worked hard, paid all their debts and were able to save a LOT of money over the years as they were believers in being as prepared as possible...BUT...no amount of planning can prepare us for many of life's curves...and for me, I am going to continue caring for my Mom as long as God gives me strength to do it. I am not naive, I know the future could be bleak but then again, THIS may be my future and I learned through all of this to keep my nose to the grindstone, do the best I can...honor my parents and keep trying...God has brought us through too many trials over the course of the past two years to not trust and believe Him now....

Funny thing is, for me, I do not worry about who is going to take care of me...I can already tell anyone who asks...NO ONE...just as my parents took care of everyone all their lives, as with most folks who do that kind of thing, when they could use some help, you will hear nothing but crickets for the most part...so I am not counting on anyone to help me.. I will help myself as best I can and when I can't I won't worry either...His eye is on the sparrow...and I know He watches me.....

You have a good outlook on life, and your mom is so lucky to have you as her daughter. Is it possible that your mom could pay you for your caregiver work. Of course you would need to find that line of doing things because she is your mom and work that would have to be paid a salary to an outside service. Is it possible for you to work part time, I did not see that you have any siblings, or maybe some of the family they helped, like your Aunt/Uncle that your parents helped pay for school or helped with money to start there new homes, help your mom now that she needs the help. It sounds like both of your parents helped a lot of family, it is time for those family members to help your mom. Maybe, not just financially, maybe, they could help you get a break from time to time. You should not be doing this all by yourself, if you get burned out, who will help your mom then?