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Hi I am new to the forum. It makes me feel better to know I am not the only one going through this. My mother came home on hospice with dementia 3 weeks ago. They gave her less than a month. Health wise she has gotten really strong but her mind is all mixed up. She talks all night long. Stays up for 3 days and nights. I am not ready to give morphine because I don't feel she is ready. The Ativan helps a lot. I won't give her any more of that habdol after I read the side effects. I guess I just want to know others go through the same thing

Ask hospice nurse. But why deny her meds if she has a month left?
Maybe pain keeps her awake?
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Reply to Evamar
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You could be right it may be me that isn't ready I am going to talk to the nurse tomorrow
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JuliaH Aug 22, 2025
Maybe mom isn't ready either? Have you told her it was OK to go? Have you told her that loved ones are waiting for her? Has she received last rites so her soul can be at peace? She's probably trying to sort this out and can't rest? She needs to know that everything and everyone will be OK. Do this for her and you.
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I am a nurse anh have worked with dementia patients and dementia patients on hospice since 1994. please listen, if your mother has less than one month to live DO NOT worry about side effects of medications. She most likely can't tell you she is in pain. When you are in severe pain can you sleep? You dont say her diagnosis but many times they have a breathing problem as well. Breathing problems cause a lot of anxiety. Many families do not want to give morphine because they believe this is the end, it is the one drug that really slaps you in the face and says my loved one is dying. I went through this with my own mother as well. You can give low dose morphine, just enough for the pain, I am sure your hospice nurses devised a plan and the difference when regulated is like night and day. Please give the morphine for your moms sake. My last days with my mom were much better and less stressed when she could sleep six to eight hours at night and I could sleep. Her pain was better and her behaviors improved and we had better quality time
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Reply to Agingathome
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jemfleming Aug 30, 2025
Thank you for this answer and explanation. It helps make clear for people like me what I am beginning to see with my mother.
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Don’t be afraid to give her meds. How do you she isn’t ready for morphine?

Maybe… YOU aren’t ready for these meds, because it’s more confirmation that her end is nigh?

This is not the time to keep any med from her that could calm or ease pain. EVERYTHING we ingest has potential side effects. Air, water, any food, any drinks.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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The side effects of staying awake for 3 days talking are much worse than any side effects that may happen from comfort meds prescribed for end of life care! Please allow mom to get the rest and comfort she so desperately needs by giving her the meds she so desperately needs. That's why you hired hospice: to keep mom comfortable.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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I am sorry your mom is in such a state. This is not a time to worry about the side effects of a drug unless you see them affecting her. Pease let the hospice staff guide you in helping your mom at this very difficult stage of her life.
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Reply to golden23
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Follow the guidance of the hospice nurse, who is there to help mom and you. This might be the time to ask for grief counseling for yourself so you can accept your coming loss.

Hospice wouldn't be recommending these meds unless mom needed them. Giving them now would be the kindest course, in my opinion.

FYI, my husband, who has dementia, is in hospice care, and what I'm recommending to you is what I would do for him. I've also made hospice decisions for my parents in the past.

I'm so very sorry this is happening, and I wish your mom a peaceful transition.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Inability to sleep is a symptom of late stage dementia. I recognize this symptom as similar to pain and she is surely suffering. If she was not on hospice I would have suggested to get her to a neurologist ASAP because of the suffering. And surely she would receive meds. If you have not read about people detained with lights on all day and night, this is a form of torture. Please follow the direction of the hospice provider, you are allowing her to suffer. GIVE HER THE MEDS SHE WAS ORDERED FOR.
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Reply to MACinCT
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Ativan and Depakote helps to calm my husband, and sometimes will get him to sleep. His sleep patterns are way off, too, He will be awake for 30 hours, then sleep for 20. He has the most trouble sleeping at night.
Lately, I have been leaving the light on overnight. It seems to help calm his anxiety.
I think the darkness feels so lonely and isolating, and with dementia, not being able to see your surroundings can be a bit scary. The light is bright and cheery, and feels like daytime.

Can you get an aide in to sit with her overnights? Just someone she can talk to and feel not alone. You need to get your rest so you can stay strong for her.

If the hospice nurse recommends Morphine, go with the Morphine.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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So many here have said the exact thing I will say. Hospice knows what they are doing. Do not let your feelings get in the way of their expertise. Let hospice make the decisions. We had hospice with my dad six years ago. He was in his right mind, he knew that his body was not going to recover, and he had great Faith, so he was not afraid. There was no dementia with him, and hospice did a wonderful job of helping him on his journey without pain or anxiety. However, my mother suffered from dementia, and for 6 years we cared for her. It was hard, it was something that is impossible to plan for, let alone prepare a logical, sensible, sane way of handling. It is like trying to stop a fire from happening in a constant smoldering building and then running around putting out the fires that do start. It is unpredictable, and different for everyone. It is not fun for the person going through it and not fun for the family trying to help their LO. Hospice knows what they are doing, what to expect, and how to handle it. If one is a religious person, and my mom and dad were, then we can look at hospice as angels on earth helping our LOs on what has become a difficult journey. Even if one is not religious, then hospice is there to do the job of easing the pain, the worry, the heavier load so we can rest easier knowing that our LO is having the best of care. My mother suffered from day and night delusions which intensified during her last months. She was in good physical condition for her age of 96, but her mind was making her life miserable, losing weight, not eating, refusing medication, crying and moaning and acting out in fear. When her doctor advised hospice, we met some very caring and professional people who helped her and honestly wanted to help her through this last inevitable stage. You have been told your LO is not going to get better, so now is the time to let her have the time she has left as peacefully, as painlessly, and as easily as possible. Hospice knows how to help her do this.
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