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This thread reads so much like the actors in The Bold and Beautiful.
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[I am sorry let me clear something up I am Scott but I made a so I could let my Aunt Jakquline use it...i am sorry it sounded li that.
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Need to know MUCH more before I can answer this. Are his children also YOUR children, or is this a second marriage. Are you mentally and physically well able to care for your husband at home? What are the problems with home care by you for your husband that the children mention? Who has the POA to make this decision. Normally it would be the spouse if the spouse is well and able in a long term marriage.
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FloridaDD Feb 14, 2020
They have been married 6 months, and need his kids to drive them anywhere.  Not certain if her kids help (she has not indicated as such).  She says no POA.
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The fact that it's only natural for this 84 year old diabetic veteran to have started to show "some memory issues" does not make those issues any less significant, nor make it any more reasonable to expect him to continue as he was doing.

If he were my Dad, would I think it in his best interests to return to his spouse of less than a year so that he can continue to provide care services, either directly or through his VA entitlements, while I win a part-time transportation job? Would I heck.

But in this as in everything: we need to know the gentleman's own wishes first and foremost. What does he want to happen? Scottc420, are you able to visit him or are the children trying to cut you out altogether?

Isthisreallyreal's idea of investigating whether you can continue to live together in this (or perhaps a similar facility) seems best to me, I must say. If it isn't a rude question, how old are you?
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FloridaDD Feb 14, 2020
Agree with all of this, and additionally, 84YO will only get worse.  All of caregivers know that.   Many adult children have LO on a wait list for a NH spot, and if the right spot opens want to take it, and not hope the spot will be available when (and I do say when, not if) the  LO deteriorates.   And the adult children may not be too happy that they now have to drive not dad, but new stepmom to places.
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Someone had POA or got even temporary guardianship. Can't put someone in a NH against their will unless that person is found incompetent. And why would anyone get married at 84 to end up taking care of someone. I am 70 and wouldn't remarry if I had to care for the other person. More to the story.
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FloridaDD Feb 14, 2020
We have no idea if the DH is not happy there.  If he is competent and wants to go home, why hasn't he just called a cab, spoken to social worker at the NH, whatever.  I get it that neither one of them drives, but don't they have any money to call an uber?   It seems like OP is not happy with him there (maybe because some of his financial resources go to NH), but we don't know what he wants.
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Great many red flags here. First the OP's name refers to Cannabis (420). Second, they have been married lass than a year. His kids are not going to be concerned about Scott, only their dad. Third, Scott is expecting the husband who is currently in a nursing home to provide care, not the other way around. Lastly Op expects the kids to provide rides. It seems like OP married to be looked after.
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Isthisrealyreal Feb 14, 2020
So it could be someone that doesn't have a life and is getting stoned out of their gourd and making up stories to garner sympathy. I keep saying legalizing that stuff is the dumbing down of our world.
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He was taking care of you?

Do you rely on him and need care?

I think I would be finding out if you can get a shared room with him.

If you are quite a bit younger than him you will have a fight on your hands. His children are doing what they believe is in his best interest. How would him being home taking care of himself and you benefit his wellbeing, that is what is important.
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I know that the V.A. Will pay for everything he neefs to be comfortable in his own home. Such as hospice, or hometown health care or even a nurse that comes directly to his home.
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FloridaDD Feb 13, 2020
They may pay for what he needs now, but as someone with an aged VA parent, they will not pay for constant care.   You either pay part yourself, or put LO in a home.
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No I donr have poa and neither do they. he is a retired airforce 84 diabetic he was taking care of himself and me befor they addmited him. He has some memory problems starteing to show but heck he is 84 years old. They went behind my back. See we was relying on them for transpertaion. And we are newly weds for six and a half mounths now.
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FloridaDD Feb 13, 2020
The more stuff  you guys rely on them for, the more they may think the nursing home is the best answer.  If he is getting any type of aid for the home, I doubt they would admit him unless doctors recommended it.

I can understand his kids thinking that taking care of you will drive him to an early grave. 
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We need more info to answer this question.

First, your ages. Makes a difference in our answers.

To be in a NH your husband must need 24/7 care. What is his illness?

Do his children have his financial and medical POAs. Do they have guardianship? If they have POA, ur husband gave them the responsibility to carry out his wishes. Guardianship can't be over ridden.

Are u having money problems because the kids have taken over?
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It seems your only proactive action will be to seek guardianship through court. You will need some sort of plan to safely take care of him. Are you able to set up a 24 hour care plan? You need some time for yourself.
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A couple of clarifying questions...

1. What level of care does your husband require?

2. Who was caring for him before he entered the NH?

3. What is your plan for getting his care needs met?

4. What was the reason that his children placed him in his current facility?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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By demonstrating that it is in his best interests for him to live somewhere else.

IS it in his best interests? What's your better plan for him?

As you weren't able to prevent your husband's children having your husband admitted to a nursing home, or haven't been able anyway to have him discharged since, I assume you don't have any kind of power of attorney for your husband but his children do. Is that correct?

Why was he admitted? - what are his care needs?
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