My mother has been living with me for eight and a half years. Almost three years ago I had to quit work because she could no longer stay alone while I worked. Work was my break from her. She won't listen to me about what she needs to do to stay safe (cane, walker). She has fallen several times. She has beginning dementia. I'm exhausted and seriously depressed, even with antidepressants. I have researched AL and there is not enough money to afford one and too much money for Medicaid. One of us has to go, I have hit the wall. There are no other family members.
8.5 years is a long time. Find a place that take Medicaid and get it going. If she only has beginning dementia, I guess you need her to agree to this. Does she ever have bouts of hospitalization? People often use this as the stepping stone for getting them placed somewhere, letting staff know that she is not coming back to your home and that it would be an unsafe placement. You work with them to get her put in a proper facility. Since they are already out of the house and often listen to doctors and staff much better than they do to us, it can work well.
Do you have any paid help to give you a break? If not, get that going, with mom paying, until you figure out where and when she's going to get placed.
Good luck.
From your profile, "I am caring for my mother Elinor, who is 99 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, hearing loss, heart disease, incontinence, and vision problems."
I give you a lot of credit for caring for your mother for 8.5 years now, that's a LONG time and she's 99 years old, my God. I don't blame you for being burned out now, enough is enough!
I suggest you go sit down with a certified Elder Care Attorney for guidance on how to proceed with either Assisted Living or spending mom's money down so she'd qualify for Medicaid to pay for long term care. If you mean that she has too much monthly income coming in to qualify, some states have Miller Trusts you can set up: here's what Google says about Florida:
What is a Miller trust in Florida?
As a brief overview, Miller Trusts (also known as Qualified Income Trusts / QITs, Medicaid Income Trust, d4B Trusts, or Irrevocable Income Only Trusts) are a necessity when a Florida Medicaid applicant's gross monthly income exceeds the income threshold after adding up all sources of income.
What expenses can be paid from a Miller trust in Florida?
Miller Trusts can be used to pay for a small monthly allowance, Medicare premiums and medical expenses that are not covered by Medicaid. Unlike other types of trusts, there are very few restrictions on who can establish a Miller Trust to qualify for government benefits.
How much money can be in a Miller trust?
While this figure varies by state and by circumstances, in most cases, the maximum payout (in 2022) is $3,435 / month. Money in Miller Trusts also goes towards paying “share of cost”, or in other words, goes towards paying for the cost of the Medicaid recipient's long-term care.
While this information is not complete, that's where a CEC attorney can come in handy for you.
Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate.