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Mom won't give up her duties but is too warn out to continue her housekeeping at age 87, with heart fluttering.

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Reddog, the common denominator in the postings above is a certain age group. My Mom was in her 90's and I tried to give her as a gift a cleaning service.... no way, no how, nope, nada, never !!

Now that I think back, probably one reason she didn't want any help was because her sight had become so limited, but her mind knew where everything was in the house. If someone came in to clean they might move something, Mom probably couldn't find it.

Honestly, there isn't anything anyone can do except wait it out.

As for the heart fluttering, have Mom see a cardiologist, as this is extremely important. Depending on what is causing the fluttering, like a leaking heart valve, some can be controlled with blood pressure pills.
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"About the compulsive cleaning mom, I see that as a positive. She is doing things her way. Going to be hard to find anyone that will do it as well. I would leave her alone until an event happens and then bring in someone when she is in hospital and rehab. Get HH started and an aid. All elders like to be waited on is what I notice. Some just don't know it yet." I think I'm the one with the compulsive cleaning mom. I have resigned myself (and my brothers, who are all out of town) that things will probably only change for my mom when a crisis/event happens.

And at that point I will make my brothers strong-arm her into getting some help, as she tends to minimize me and my involvement.
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Reddog
Call your moms cardiologist and ask for an Inhome PT evaluation.
Mom can show the therapist what she does. Exercise is good for us. Don't discourage it but find out why she is worn out.
You can pick up an O2:pulse meter at the drugstore. Her O2 should be over 95 and her pulse between 60 and 100. (some are ok lower but generally speaking that's considered normal). Also get a good blood pressure device so she can check her bp before and after and even during her cleaning. Keep a daily log. This can be as simple as a desk calendar she jots her numbers down on each day. If she has a problem she will see and if she doesn't you will be assured. Also the therapy will build her strength.
Next consider getting her a roomba or one of the auto floor cleaners. Evaluate her cleaners for weight etc. Some of the steam cleaners are really easy to use.
I am ashamed to say I was one who upset my mom with throwing things away. When I noticed how upset it made her, I started straightening and rearranging and placing things she used daily where they were easier to use and got the things she didn't use to the background. She appreciated that. After awhile I could no longer hold up to the weekly cleaning and I hired a cleaning lady to meet me at her house. She was very upset. But I insisted. She would never acknowledge that she wanted the cleaning lady but she started asking her to do personal things and I knew she was accepting it. It was the same when we started with home health and the bathing aid. Hated it in the beginning but loved her baths and the idea that she didn't have to go to a dr to have routine things done she could do at home.
With my aunt I started out slow as well. When I started with her things were a mess. She had a very old chihuahua. Puppy papers and newspapers on the floor and plywood makeshift partitions were all over the house. Artificial flowers for every season were all over the place. She didn't keep clutter otherwise. Paper plates were used to feed the dog, restacked and reused. Foil was under many objects as a way to keep the object from touching the counter top or the floor. I COULD NOT HANDLE IT. So I started slow and removed things and she saw that she liked it. I remember sneaking in one night and removing her living room drapes and replacing them. It made such a difference. Her house wasn't dirty but it had so many ugly and worn things in it.
Now she enjoys the fresh flowers I bring her every week. She likes to match her blouses to her flowers. Nothing's on the floor that shouldn't be. All the plastic flowers are gone. She does have a year round Christmas tree with clear lights only but I can handle that.
About the compulsive cleaning mom, I see that as a positive. She is doing things her way. Going to be hard to find anyone that will do it as well. I would leave her alone until an event happens and then bring in someone when she is in hospital and rehab. Get HH started and an aid. All elders like to be waited on is what I notice. Some just don't know it yet.
My overall rule is if I am involved my opinion gets equal weight but I'm not going to argue or be a bully. If someone wants my help I will manage their care but not do hands on except when I have to.
I constantly tweak and adjust things. As changes occur I have to adjust just like she does.
And I do agree with the point the cleaning service made about getting help in the home helping the elder be able to stay home longer. Also they can train the helper the way they want things done if they are lucky enough to find a private person they can work with and keep over the years.
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Good Afternoon,

I work with a Home Care Agency and we have many elderly clients. I can help suggest ways to get your loved ones to understand they do need help. One of the best ways I have found is have a sit down with your parents and let them know you understand they want to remain independent and living in their home but sometimes a little extra help is what they need to continue to do this. The hardest part is letting them know that should somebody else such as their doctor alert the Office of the Aging or call the State to express their concern, this could lead to an investigation and create issues which can be avoided if they would only accept some help a few days a week for a select few hours. I would also try to encourage them just to try out an agency.
The best part about agencies is that they do extensive criminal background checks and are fully insured. I hope this helps and please let me know should you have any questions. Good luck to you and your loved ones.
Brenda
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Good Afternoon,

I work with a Home Care Agency and we have many elderly clients. I can help suggest ways to get your loved ones to understand they do need help. One of the best ways I have found is have a sit down with your parents and let them know you understand they want to remain independent and living in their home but sometimes a little extra help is what they need to continue to do this. The hardest part is letting them know that should somebody else such as their doctor alert the Office of the Aging or call the State to express their concern, this could lead to an investigation and create issues which can be avoided if they would only accept some help a few days a week for a select few hours. I would also try to encourage them just to try out an agency.
The best part about agencies is that they do extensive criminal background checks and are fully insured. I hope this helps and please let me know should you have any questions. Good luck to you and your loved ones.
Brenda
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My mother is 91 and always makes excuses about hiring a cleaning service. She is obsessively neat and all that would really be needed is someone to come every couple of weeks to vacuum, dust, mop the kitchen floor and clean the bathrooms.

I have not been asked to do any cleaning for her, which is just as well because I would refuse to do it. She would stand behind me micromanaging with orders. She has the money to afford someone to come in, and she flat out refuses.
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I will also wait for answers on this. My mom is also 87 and cannot clean nor really care for herself beyond a shower and dressing each day. She won't allow anyone in her place and balks if I try to clean for her. She says I throw away too many of her treasures. (Has some dementia). I TRIED to get help for her and she said she was still independent. PLEASE--I hope someone has some answers. I can't even sneak in and clean when she's gone for 2 hours to the grocery store any more. Reddog is probably in the same boat.
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