My Mom (82) suffers from depression. All she wants to do is lie on the sofa. How can I get her active?

Not sure about website or your location but if your mom is able to be active then maybe she could "volunteer" at a nursing home with the activities director or volunteer at a hospital. Older people love children and if she is still able she could maybe volunteer at a library reading to children during story hour. Find out what she would like to do or what she did in the past to entertain herself and go from there if you can't find an adult center. When my mom first walked into her facility that she didn't know was going to be her permanent home, she immediately went over to someone in a wheelchair and tried to help them. Came back over to me and said "I think I found my calling". Then she "helped" in the office by helping wetting the envelopes and getting them ready for mailing out. She had worked all her life and thought she was there to work. Hoped this helped. Good luck and God Bless

I'm having the same problem with my mom, only tHing is that she wants to be active, but I can't find an adult day care in my area. Is there a web site with adult day care locations and information?

Socialization with others. I wouldn't accept meds to treat unless dr couples with therapy or group therapy....if elder want participate in talk therapy or socialization, then no refill on the meds. Socialization outside the home or with visits from others other than caregiver is critical. See if hired help will take her out to lunch or out to local senior center or library, etc....make it a request as part of her duties...this may improve her mood and get her mind back in the game.
I know it's maddening to know she lies around all day, but there is only so much you can do. If she isn't complaining then let it go...if she is complaining, then tell her you'll help but she has to meet you halfway...which means getting on the senior center bus and spending the afternoon there.

This topic happened to hit Deb's knuckles, that's all, Pam - I thought her post was jolly funny. There's room for flippancy too :)

Try to Find a Really Good Adult Daycare program that is structured to keep her Mentally and Physical active

An adult "day stay" might be more use than the home care person coming in; they usually can do many of those things (meals, etc) plus activities that provide some exercise and transportation could be provided.

If her current meds aren't working, let her doctor know. He can prescribe something else. What about an adult medical day care, they have trained professionals on staff, your mom can socialize, keep active and eat a meal there. It can be a great place and usually they will allow you to attend with her for a few hours so she can see what it is like. What activities does she like/enjoy? try to provide her those opportunities. Is her in home person allowed to take her out? Maybe they can go to the library, bowling or out for lunch.

Deb0452 - Where did that comment come from? Rarely do I chastise another comment on here, but that was so insensitive and callus, perhaps you could do with a visit to a psychiatrist as well...

@countrymouse - totally agree. It's nice to just do nothing.

To the person who wrote drugs are not the answer -- Thank GOD for drugs. I know depression (you can't just snap out of it). Drugs were the answer for people in my family. My mother, age 89, was put on her first course of anti depressants during her stay at a facility. She was placed on three, one of which is called a 'black box drug' (ooooooo......'scary stuff') Not.

The reason I asked if this person's mom showed depression throughout her life (in retrospect) was to find out if this was 'normal' for her mother. In retrospect, my mother was depressed her entire life....once she was on the drugs for six weeks, she improved TREMENDOUSLY! I repeat TREMENDOUSLY...

My mother didn't fall because she was dizzy...she fell because she was focused on getting on the examining table at the doctor's office and chose to step up on a step, falling backwards.

Not all drugs cause dizziness.

Now, I'm into aromatherapy, I'm into 'good' food, but I'm also open to DRUGS.

For the most part, drugs are herbs.

Once again, Thank GOD for drugs. Without them, many people would have died years ago. Sure, 'wholesome food' may be the answer, but the people we're talking about do NOT and probably never did eat wholesome food.

Apparently, the original poster has left us...haven't really read through all the posts) BUT I'm going to ask the question again....

1. Has your mother (in retrospect) always been depressed?

2. Have you taken her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation?

Some people are just quiet. Some people are just introverts.

There is nothing wrong with that. However, if something can be fixed through therapy and/or drugs, I say go for it. At this age, there is nothing left to lose.

Can I just put in a plea for idleness? - "how wonderful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards…"

It isn't that I disagree with other posters - depression is worth treating and does need to be looked out for, but inertia on its own isn't definitively diagnostic. If your mother has kidney disease, that in itself causes significant fatigue. All I mean to say is, do make adequate allowance for her being plain tired, too.

I might add, are you or her aide keeping a daily log regarding your Moms blood pressure, pulse ox and tempurature readings for the Doctor to review when he/she sees your Mom? An individual with kidney problems are highly suseptable to UTIs and bacterial colonies in the bladder which leads to sepsis in the bloodstream if left untreated.

Personally, I would make another appointment with her Doctor and discuss these concerns with him/her. If your Mom is having monthly visits with her PCP then what is the Doctors explanation as to why your Mom is so lethargic and depressed? There are a variety of reasons that your Mom is feeling the way that she does, but it is possible that she is unable to explain it in a clear manner. Before adding another medication to her list as an easy fix, make certain that there is not an underlying cause that is left untreated. Trying to force a more active lifestyle on an elderly person that may be suffering from an undetermined health problem could ultimately land both of you in a much worse situation.

My mother (also 82) only moves when there is food involved. The moment she hears me in the kitchen she is right there staring at me. Otherwise she lays in bed and watches TV or sleeps. She admits she is "lazy" (her words) and doesn't want to do anything but lay around and eat. My daughter is a nurse and she said something that has really helped me. She told me "Mom, it is not your responsibility to make her want to live a more active life. You already do more than enough for her." She is on an anti-depressant which helps with the anxiety but she was the same before the medication. Just likes to lay around.

All of the above are really good ideas. Low vitamin D, B-12, and other medications that she is on can wreak havoc with chemical make up/depression. After she is evaluated-tested to be sure and that all pans out, try to find out what she DID like to do when she was younger. Did she work, did she garden? ANything to get her involved in something. Start asking different questions to see what you can get her started doing. Even if you hate to garden you can get her to show you the best way to plant a pot of flowers or make that recipe (just examples). Heck, i know if I sit around too long, I fall asleep or want to but if I get up and just start to do something.....ANYthing I feel better. Being a caregiver is hard and easy to start to get depressed so it would be very easy to get in bed and never get out. I can only imagine being 82 and not knowing that my day means doing nothing. I would be depressed too. Good Luck.

We had a similar problem with Mom. I agree with all the above - B Vitamins, sunshine, nutrition - but, depression needs to be treated. A psychiatrist prescribed Mirtazapine (sp?) for her and the turn-around was astounding. Of course, it's a delicate balance with the elderly, considering they usually take other meds. Good luck.

I will tell you (from experience with my husband) that a person suffering from the illness called Depression will not and cannot "just snap out of it." Medications are needed.

1. Has your mother always been depressed?

2. Has your mother been diagnosed by a psychiatrist?

Yes, I did seek a second opinion, and the doctor I asked agreed. If she were not mobile (in a wheelchair) this would not be as much of an issue. No easy solution here.

I agree that antidepressants can be tricky for elderly people and drug interactions can be a problem. That being said, a visit to a psychiatrist may not hurt.

Low B12 can be an issue with elders since it's hard to absorb even when the diet is good, so B12, too, should be checked.

Finding a balance for her is what you want since she may not be the type to enjoy a big social life. Yet, what she's doing isn't good, either.

There are some excellent suggestions and opinions on this thread so I'd read through them and then make an appointment with both her own doctor for a B12 check and other blood work plus a psychiatrist who works with elderly people so he or she knows that medications may or may not be the issues.

Another thing about medications - have a doctor review what she's now taking since some drugs can cause depression. It's a huge puzzle for many - this interplay between health issues and the good/bad of medications. Please keep us tuned in.
Carol

Rascal, i am not a doctor but i would seek a second opinion about antidepressants not being prescribed due to fall risk.

My mom's docs wouldn't prescribe anti depressants due to her being a fall risk. And I do think my mom enjoys, in a kind of perverse "martyr-like" way, the attention she receives when she complains. Hopefully you can get your mom out and about with others her own age. Good luck!

My mom never mentions depression, but when her doc asked if she was depressed, she said, "Always!" She resisted going to the Sr. Center, so he wrote her an Rx to go there 1 day a week. She is now willing to go. This can be a tricky road, so good luck!

I agree with the suggestions so far with minor additions. Ask her kidney doctor who they work with for depression. They will have folks they trust to be sure that the depression meds don't adversly affect her kidney function. One of the doctors, needs to be "in charge" of her medication regiment or at least review it regularly. Sometimes even a low vitamin D level can cause this. Winter is notorious for increasing symptoms due to lack of sunshine to out body and psyche.
Second- I agree to get her out of the home. Sounds like you have a caregiver who you've hired to help her. If you live in a warm state, get your mom outside.
Even going to the mall for a walk is good therapy and its out of the house. Have your CG include activities and "exercise" as part of her daily routine. This does not mean barbells and weights, just staying active. Start w walking around house or marching in place. 5 mins is all you need to start. 5 minutes for 5 days is 25 mins. Then next week try 8-10. Obviously nothing strenuous or dangerous for her abilities. Mix up the activies so it's not boring. Do you have zoos, parks, malls, grocery stores the CG could take her. Find things your mom used to enjoy and perhaps some happiness will come from breaking up the routine.

Good luck and keep a positive smile on when you talk with her.
Sell this not as exercise, she does not need to know u are even doing this. Just trying to find stuff outside the home she might enjoy.
Written on my phone and I can't review it. Sorry for any typos or silly sentences.

If you can get her to try a senior gathering place, that'd be ideal. Wherever they gather you know they're going to understand each other better than we do! Also, among doctors and ourselves, we rarely speak of nutrition. Disease and treatments take a lot out of our bodies. I have always had anxiety, and I started with a micronutrient shake, and it's all but eradicated. Shakes are so easy to get anyone to take, too. Check out something called raw meal on amazon. I'm not saying in place of any medicine she should be prescribed, but we ARE all chemical so why we overlook nutrition is beyond me. I got my mother to drink this stuff for a while, and she was sunny beyond belief... then she stopped using it, I think she likes being blue, she always has. They can get pretty defensive about their sadness, they own it.

Before you take her to the doctors, start giving her 2-3,000 IU of vitamin D and sublingual B-12. Sometimes this helps tremendously. Giving older people "antidepressants" cause more issues than what they already have. Be sure she's getting a good diet, with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. Limit or cut out all sugar. Get her outside in the sunshine if possible and keep her physically and mentally active. Good luck!

Well hell bring her over to my mother's house where they can both switch laying on the sofa or sitting in rocker all day long. Oh I forgot also can have lots of conversation with the dog while thinking of ways to harrass me.

If she is mobile, one of the best things you can do is get her out of the home for a few hours a day or at least two or three days a week. If there is an adult day care in your area, get her involved in the activities there. Most day care centers have a varied schedule of daily activities. Even if your mother is not into some of the activities at least she will be around other people which is always a positive thing. The statistics are very revealing in that it is a proven fact that elders who are involved in activities outside the home are typically healthier, happier and generally live longer than those who stay confined to the home. If you have trouble convincing her she needs to be getting out of the home and involved in some other activities then a get a doctors appointment and have the Dr. tell her how important it is that she get involved in outside the home activities.

If one has a clinical depression, discuss with her doctor she is seeing every month her emotional/mental state. Depression can lead to heart disease if left unchecked. Being depressed is (in most cases) a chemical imbalance in the brain which an antidepressant can help. There is an art to finding the right "key" med to unlock that depression, but with patience one can find the right medication. Thinking she is just going to get active all of a sudden is naïve. Get her to a psychiatrist because most primary care doctors do not have the expertise to deal with depression. It is no fun to have depression, and it is a serious medical condition which needs treatment. I hope you get her some.

So has her depression been treated? If not, that's the first place to start. If she won't want to talk about it, send a note to her doctor ahead of time, so he/she knows to ask her some questions that will get it out into the open.

Is this a new thing, or has it been going on for a while? Has anything changed in her immediate world recently? Tell us more so we can give you better answers.