How can I get my daughter to back off and let me enjoy my life?


Am about to be 75. Still work part time, am very active, volunteer at a dog rescue, live alone. Oldest daughter tries to "mother" me. Help! Thinks I am too "elderly" to drive 600 miles to visit my sister, no tickets or accidents in years. Co-workers believe I am 12 yrs. younger and I have a high energy level.

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Daughter's can see things you normally can't. My mother gave up her keys to the car at about you age (voluntarily), but still insists she can drive today.... She Definitely can not)!... Fast forward the next 10 years as she has progressively lost depth perception (vision problems), equilibrium, mobility in she neck, sensible decision-making... All while the only child/daughter who cared stood beside her to try and help!... Oh joy, today had to scrub the bathroom after an 'accident', but won't imbarass her this time by telling her... All the while I hear her tel my brother on the phone (who doesn't do Anything) that "everything is just fine". I can hard,y think some times because of my help for her... (That's the very short story!)... Be kind to your daughter...she loves you and it doesn't sound like she's being unreasonable... Compromise...
Helpful Answer (2)

Good for you, Poppy :)

There could be any number of reasons why your daughter wants to meddle. Who knows why she gets it out of proportion? Could be she has a coworker with a much less able mother of the same age, or even younger than you. Could be some sense of dissatisfaction she has that you're not sitting in a rocking chair and knitting shawls. Could be *anything.* But they all come down to she loves you and doesn't want anything bad to happen to you - and especially not something she might feel guilty about for not having prevented.

All the same, she is presuming and you don't have to like it. So...

Smile sweetly and say "I love you too."

If that doesn't work, say "I love you dearly. Now stop stereotyping, bog off and leave me alone."

PS, my mother took a trip to Antarctica when she was a bit older than you. Well, okay, but it was the tour group photo of her bobbing about in an open boat among ice floes that made me have to take a moment. All I'd say is, don't do what she did and start concealing problems, that's all. The franker you can be with your daughter on all subjects, the more able she will be to get the balance right between helping you and not getting in your way.
Helpful Answer (1)

I guess I might say something like, "Look, darling beautiful daughter that I love with all my heart and soul, when you get to be 75, manage THAT. In the meantime, I'm good."

And then silently thank your lucky stars that you have a daughter who gives a d*mn.;)

Have a good trip!!
Helpful Answer (4)

Is there any reason why your daughter tries to "mother" you? Usually if there was a medical issue or driving issue is when a grown child starts helicoptering over a parent.

If there is nothing health wise. memory wise, vision wise, and you wrote no tickets or accidents, then just keep on driving :)

My Dad drove up until he was 88 and he had to stop mainly for vision reasons. He did have a couple of accidents but none were of his doing, and couple times he hit deer.
Helpful Answer (1)

Turn the issue around and ask her WHY she thinks you need to be mothered.

On the other hand, it's good that she's so concerned.
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