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Her son is doing his best. He is living with her, but he is disabled and can't help her with personal care. It breaks my heart to hear how bad it's gotten. I don't know why he isn't getting help. Whether there's none available, or if he is afraid of what will happen if an agency comes in. I am in another state, also disabled, but could possibly go there to help him get help. I don't know where to start. There are other relatives there, but he may not be confiding in them or reaching out to them. I think she probably needs long term care, but the nursing homes are awful. They live in New York State. If anyone can direct me to any resources or services I would be grateful.

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Call their county office of the aging and ask them to check their welfare. In life threatening emergency, call their local police department. Be sure you have that number handy.
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I'm a long distance caregiver for my parents. There's only so much you can do by phone. If at all possible you should go visit and acess the situation. Who knows what's really going on with the son. If things are really bad you may have to get power of attorney or guardianship to get proper care for her.
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Have you asked him why he isn't getting access to help? I'd start there. Though maybe do your homework online first, and find out what options are available if he asks for them.
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