My mother is 87 years old and she is living with me. When my father passed away 24 year ago in another country, I brought her to America for a better life with me. My brother was not going to be taking care of her since he had his family and she fought with my sister, so she was going to be alone. She came very happy. She got married when she was 19 and never had to work, my father always took care of the family, he had a business and we had a pleasant life. I came to this country when I was 30 years old, I got married and I got divorced after 17 years. Then I was on my own for 6 years and my mother always with me. I became a nurse and she had everything. I bought a house, I took her on plenty vacation trips and cruises. I got married 4 years ago to a wonderful man. He likes her and it's good he doesn't speak Spanish lol. We have a nice house and we both just retired at 62. My husband and me try to make small trips to enjoy ourselves now and we are never gone more than a week or 10 days so she is not alone. She is independent, she takes care of herself and the dog, and she enjoys having the house for herself. She has been always negative about everything and I'm just the opposite. Now that she is old is even worse. Everyday complains about the weather, her bones, her age spots, etc. Im taking her to all the doctors appointments, buy everything she needs and wants, she has a side of the house with a beautiful room and own bathroom. I told the doctor to get for her a psychologist referral thinking that talking to someone may help. I just got an anxiety attack myself yesterday when I read his reports and she is saying that my husband doesn't do anything all day, she doesn't have any friends, she feels lonely, she would like to go to her born country...etc. I must clarify that she talks to friends over the phone..and everytime I take her to meet new people she doesn't like them..or she needs to take her nap when events happen, there.is.always an excuse. She complains she doesn't go out much but when I offer or she has a headache or she doesn't feel good. It's frustrating I wanted to talk to this psychologist who just listens to her, to teach her to be thankful! I do tell her all the time to be thankful for what she has! She doesn't have any serious disease, she can walk, she lives like a queen but never satisfied. I like going to the gym to take my stress out and I'm trying to do meditation but it still gets to me because I've been the only one in the family taking care of her, paying for everything, no help from my siblings and I didn't have an easy life and I always worked very hard. I just want to enjoy life and be happy. I need to find the way because I love her and I would never put her in a nursing home.
No Mom cannot get Medicare or Social Security because its based on work history. Unless, your married to a man who has work history for over 10 years in the US. But Mom can get Medicaid if she has a greencard and has had it for over 5 years. She also can receive Social Supplimental Income (SSI). You can go to Social Services and see what she qualifies for.
When she complains to you, point out how she can solve the problem herself, and then be done. If she complains she doesn't go out much, tell her you'll put the uber app on her phone and she can go wherever she wants, on her own.
If she says she's lonely or doesn't have friends, point at the door and tell her she can use uber or the bus to go somewhere and meet people.
If she says she wants to move back to her country, say, okay! Where would you like to go, and who will you live with? Let's call them and work it out with them. What's their phone number?
Since you and your husband are newly-retired, and she likes having the house to herself, think of her as a built-in house-sitter and dog-sitter, and go about whatever you want to do and wherever you want to go, for as long as you'd like and have fun without worries.
As long as you will never consider a facility as a solution I don't think there is a solution for YOU.
She never worked so she doesn't qualify for Medicare or SSI or Medicaid. If she doesn't have the funds to pay for Adult Day Care or a facility, then maybe going back to her country of origin is a solution... but care needs to be set up for here there and someone has to be willing and legally able to manage it.
Contact social services for your county to see if she qualifies for any in-home services.