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I'm so sick of my mom having me run errands for her who is very able to do things on her own. She just turned 50 and she pays for my grandparents cable & phone bill, my brother's car loan, and others. Every month when the bill is due, she waits til the end of the freaking month like today to ask me to call them for her money and then go to their houses (all live in different towns) to pick it up. She doesn't care about my job or school. I feel like she thinks I owe her something, but I don't. And the reason I moved back home with her anyways was not because I was in need, I was doing well on my own thousands miles away, but she got sick so I decided to come home to get her well and make sure she takes her medicine etc. I work a midshift from 9 to almost 8 pm 45 minutes away and she thinks I'm suppose to drive and extra 30 to pick up her money that she wants to pay their bills. Every time I say to her, you can go get it or I'll tell them to call or text you about it or tell them to bring it by your house, she always comes up with some sorry a** excuse. I hate to sound mean, but that irks me. Her response is "I cant deal with the stress of hunting them down for their money." Okay, so I guess I'm supposed to take up the slack?--No.. I really can't wait until I move and this time I won't come back unless it's a real life dam near death situation. Like its suffocating and annoying. I thought about ignoring her when she asks me to call them for her money and let her do it, but since I do live with her for the remaining months I was going to wait until I move away and then let her know that I'm 27 and I have my own life to live, giving it up to be your maid and servant isn't an option. I just want to find a respectful way to do it. Still I think I should stop her now. I just don't know what to do, but she acts like I have nothing going on but to be her assistant.

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Finish your education - that will be important to your future. And 5 months will go very fast when you keep those job offers in mind. Worth it.
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@CarlaB Thank you. I know it seems hard to understand. I feel the same when explaining it. I'm not sure if it was you or another user that said the reason I'm feeling this way is because of my emotions and feeling like she's treating me like kid among other things. I agree wit that. I guess I sort of harbor grudges and resentment already because growing up I was everything but a Child of God when she spoke to me and always made sure to tell me I wouldn't be nothing and that I would be sorry like my dad. She even told me in front of her boyfriend that "you need polishing and no real man will ever want or marry you." So our relationship was always a kodak moment, never a close one. I guess I haven't step up to that "forgiveness plate" yet because everything she asks me to do irritates me and I sometimes want to say, "go get your favorite child to do it." In a sense, I guess I really hate that she got sick and that my family thought it was best that I come home to take care of her when her "Favorite child" lives 30 mins away. I don't see why I have to be by her side because she was sick. Maybe everything she does irritates me and I buy the groceries/ pay cable bill because it's what I use most. Since she's gotten healthy she has been so nice(except for her demands)almost like a person I never knew and I guess after marinating on it, I'm not at that forgive and forget stage. I think deep down I harbor a lot of anger towards her. Still her errands isn't my responsibility. She's well and able. I'm just ready to leave. This person minus the demands she has become isn't welcome to me because she should have been this way growing up. You can't raise a child you hated and expect forgiveness in their adult age. She just needs to remarry already and get her own life so I won't have to be a large portion of it. No use of crowding my life when she didn't want to be apart of it before now. I can't wait to leave. It's interesting that before she told me to leave her house at age 19, she said I will need her before she needs me and look at it now. She needs me. Sick of it here. I almost don't want to wait for 5 months.
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Just a thought - your grandparents might be too old to learn internet banking, but your mother and your brother are not. (I play music with some other musicians, who are scattered around the region.  They are all older than me - approaching 60 - but they all figured out how to use internet banking when I decided it was faster and easier to distribute our gig payments through e-transfer.)

Your grandparents are probably likely to be regular with the pre-addressed, stamped envelopes as suggested above.
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Setting aside the emotional dynamics and checkered history between you and your mother (because I'm not sure I'd understand it no matter how hard I try), I'll share what I do with my mother. I don't live with her but for a while I did, and it was quite difficult. When I had trouble with something she wanted me to do, I said "I really don't feel comfortable doing that." She actually said "Well, can you not feel comfortable and do it anyway?" Answer: Sorry, no. In your case, living with your Mom and assume you're not paying room and board, I would add "I'm happy to help you keep up the house, and take on the laundry/food shopping/whatever, but collecting the money is not something I'm comfortable with." It's respectful, not defiant or argumentative, but it makes your point. Good luck!
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Thank you all for your comments. I agree and disagree with some. And just so we're clear, my reasons for moving in with her wasn't because I was in need. I had my own life and career several states ahead. I only flew here to be with her when my family members call to tell me that she was in the hospital in and out and the Dr. couldn't seem to find an issue. So my coming here was to get her back well. I know plenty of children that wouldn't have done that. Heck, my other sibling stay 30 mins from her and didn't try 1 time to check on her. This was her favorite child btw so I'm sure she wasn't expecting that. The fact that I even bothered to temporarily drop my life for her should be enough. I don't owe her anything. If anyone owes anything it's her to me. She never liked me, we are just now getting a mother daughter relationship. I was the child who she always put down but put my other sibling on the pedestal. When I did leave the area and moved far away I vowed to never come back, but in spite of her health concerns I chose to do what I thought was right. Had she not gotten sick, she would still be the same and we would still have a distance relationship. I'm trying to hold out for another 5 months because that is when I finish a program in college. I considered to do something useful for myself while here. I'm trying not to get too emotional and pissed off where I forge my opportunity to graduate from this program and leave early. However, 5 months seems so far away, but if I persist it will be great for me and my job offers are already looking great. This time, thought it may sound me, I plan to leave and never come back except for holidays (to see all of my family) and even then I won't come to every holiday. Maybe Christmas 1 year and Thanksgiving another, but from this point on I will not let my mom get in the way of me living my life. I am not a kid. I'll be so happy when these 5 months come. I've prepacked and she doesn't know yet. I will tell her before I get on the plane.
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It's always a difficult and confusing situation when an adult child moves back in with a parent. I had to move back home while I was getting a divorce and the moment I stepped over the threshold I was a kid again. That's how I felt and that's how I was treated. My parents were warm and wonderful people whom I loved very much but boundaries became fuzzy when I moved back in. I agree that you should sit down with your mom and discuss this. Don't let the resentment fester, that's not good for you or your mother. And when you sit down with your mom you will be an adult woman from that moment forward.

If you aren't paying your mom room and board, if you're staying there for free, then helping your mom out with some tasks is reasonable but I think its also reasonable to have some sense of organization as you go about these tasks.
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Why does your mom pay everybody's bills ? your mom is sick .I understand if her parents are elderly and need assistance but tell the rest of those to leave your Mom alone and Grow up! Maybe mom can work out a deal with her parents to have the money mailed to her like give grandparents envelopes with address stamp and the same return address grandparents can just put a check or money order in it &drop it in the mail they can even mail cash just wrap it in foil...there now nobody has to run around .
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Why does your mom pay everybody's bills ? your mom is sick .I understand if her parents are elderly and need assistance .But tell the rest of those ,to leave your Mom alone ,and Grow up! Maybe mom can work out a deal with her parents ,to have the money mailed to her ,like give grandparents envelopes with address ,stamp, and the same return address .Grandparents can just put a check or money order in the envelope & drop it in the mail, they can even mail cash just wrap it in foil...there now nobody has to run around .
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I admire your desire to be respectful, but, I'd also try not to become too tolerant of the way you're being treated. I think I'm pretty respectful of my elders, but, I'd have to tell my mom that all that running around to pick up their payment money makes NO SENSE and I won't be doing it anymore. I would likely print out about 24 envelopes with your mom's address on them and put stamps on them. I'd give to those who owe her money and say, mail the money early to mom by check or money order. If you don't, it won't get paid, because, I'm not coming by to get it. AND, I'd tell mom the same thing. Explain that it makes no sense, waste time and gas and is disrespectful of your time.

I might also suggest to mom that they set up automatic drafts from their bank accounts. I'd let her figure out how to get her money reimbursed. It would make more sense if those who owe the bill, pay the bill. If mom does it voluntarily, then she can figure out how to get it. She's only 50 years old. She should be able to do it.
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Her expecting you to do some things in exchange for room and board does not seem unreasonable to me (or are you paying for that?). She doesn't need a caregiver, right?

It is her attitude that makes you feel like a maid that is the real problem, as I read your post. And, yes, I think you should address that now, before you move. You need an adult-to-adult relationship with her and now is the time to establish it. She will be part of your life for another 40 years or so.

Have a calm conversation with her about what your tasks should be as part of the household. She apparently has picked errand-running (something I'd love to have done for me). But you don't seem to have bought into that. What would you rather do? With the hours you are out of the house you probably can't prepare meals. Do you clean house? Laundry? Would you rather pay for you stay there? Mom has made some assumptions about your role, and you naturally resent that. So clarify the roles. You are not her maid and servant. But you are an able-bodied adult living in her house. Get expectations spelled out.

Why does your mother pay bills for other family members? Are they disabled in some way? Are they unable to handle their own bank accounts? No matter. This is something Mom wants help with. Can you negotiate the terms? She waits until the last minute, but you don't have to, do you? How many times of the month does this happen? Could you set up a schedule that is more convenient for you? Tell your family members that you will pick up their cash the Sunday before the 1st of the month, and the Sunday before the 15th (for example.) Perhaps you can combine the trip with some pleasant visiting, and run your own errands, if you can schedule in advance and have more time.

I suspect there is more to your frustration than just picking up money. Are there other tasks you find unreasonable? Does she ask where you are going when you go out? Are there other ways she treats you like a teenager?

Here is what I suggest: Pretend that it is not your mother you are dealing with, but some room-and-board situation. She is your landlord. You are paying for your stay or at least a portion of it by doing various tasks for her. How would you handle it if there was scope creep and she is now overstepping the agreement you have with her? How would you handle it if you felt she was overly-interested in your personal life.

Strive for an adult-to-adult relationship.
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