I live with my "faather" who has been diagnosed with dementia. I no longer wish to be related to him since two attempts at my life. Just now (less than 30 minutes ago) I came home from a long day of work and entered the kitchen, he must have heard me and he came running from the living room where he sleeps, with a sharp umbrella, and stabs me with it.
I fended him off and pushed him away, yelling at him to back off. Part of the umbrella he used to stab me was still stuck in my shirt.
This woke the whole household. My "mother" and her helper came down. I immediately screamed for help but instead of helping me, she pushed me aside and coddled him. She was asking if he was alright.
I told her what happened, she didn't believe that be even had the strength to walk to the kitchen unassisted much less stab me with an umbrella. I asked her how he got here then? I certainly didn't help him here. She ignored me. I showed her the bent out of shape umbrella. She ignored me. I plucked out a piece of the umbrella still stuck in my shirt. She ignored me and told me not to touch him.
Meanwhile, he acted feeble and used the table to "support his weight".
I am at my wit's end, no one believes he is capable of violence (even though he hit her and us when he was younger, many times).
I really need advice from people who have dealt with people with dementia but are still capable of scheming and violence. How do you guys deal with them? How can you prove that they are a danger? How do you stop them?
This is not the first time, he has tried to push me into the table before. But when he couldn't and I just kept walking past him, he purposely act like he fell and said I came to push him! He is clearly abusing his dementia as an excuse to ...do what he has done in the past, he has abused us when we were young and I suspect he wants to relieve those "glory days" when he felt in control.
But he's fooling everyone around him. No one believes me when I say he can walk/run without needing support, that he is still as violent as before, everyone thinks he is INCAPABLE of it because he is old and frail.
Every time he attacks me, people think I'm the aggressor because "there is no way a handicapped old man would do it" even if I am injured, even if the weapon he used is right there with bits of it in my shirt, even if he is so far from the bed where he is supposed to be.
How? Why? What can I do!?
In terms of a long-term solution... what does that look like in your mind? If he truly has a diagnosis of dementia (and not some form of mental illness), this is progressive and there is no cure. There is only medication (if he takes it). And none of this will work if your Mom goes to bail him out and bring him home.
According to your profile info, you are 23 years old. Since I've raised 3 sons and my youngest will turn 25 shortly, I understand it is expensive to live on your own. My overarching advice is for you to daily, actively figure out how to get out of that house permanently. Also, seek counseling so that you can identify and defend healthy boundaries for yourself. You should not be in that house. It's not your responsibility or obligation to be his caregiver even for 1 second. It may be better to be in a shelter than to endure that abuse and degradation.
You can contact local churches to see if someone can put you up temporarily. You don't need to be a member or even a believer. My church does this for people. We once had a woman live in our church office because she had nowhere else to go and we didn't have an appropriate accommodation for her. Get creative and ask for help.
You can't choose your family members but you can choose how much or little you interact with them. You do have control, it will just be bumpy for a while. It can't possibly be worse than what you're living through now.
May you gain clarity and wisdom, and peace in your heart as you work to save yourself.
You tell the dispatcher that you are afraid for your personal safety
Tell the dispatcher that the person has dementia.
If at all possible find another place to live.
If you are not POA you can not make any decisions as to his care or where he lives.
So the only change you can make is to move out and or keep yourself as safe as possible.
If I am correct, it is now time for you to move out on your own.
Let your mother and father handle their own lives.
Leave the number for your mother to call Adult Protective Services and/or EMS to get your father transported to hospital for diagnosis and treatment if needed.
I had an old lady block me on her basement step with her walker and threatened to call the police if I tried to move her. I left that case that evening and never went back. Later on, I was able to get the truth out of the staffing coordinators. This lady had a habit of threatening the aides. She pushed an aide and called the office and lied that the aide pushed her. The aide was frantic and was crying. No one wants to deal with feeling unsafe.
I was kind of messed up about this for months since I never dealt with someone with that level of dementia and I was never told the truth from the agency.
Yes, they are dangerous especially if sharp objects are around. I believe you, and yes, they will revert to a helpless person when someone else is around. Your father has targeted you as a target.
Move out even if it is just a room for now. Even if it is a hot pillow joint for a couple of days to get some rest. (Just kidding) But on a more serious note, it doesn't seem like your mother is going to be much help since she is a victim herself and covering for your father's abusive behavior.
I agree you should leave. Now.
Get to a friend's or other relative until you can find something more permanent - or your Father is removed from the home.
I understand you are worried to leave your Mother. Speak to EMS about this. They may be able to speak or council your Mother as to her options & risk.
This happened to a man I met. Father had FTL dementia but still a physically strong man. Saw a strange man in his house (didn't recognise his own son) & attempted to stab him.
Doctor was called. Meds given.
It happened again. This time the son arrived home to find his Mother being attacked with a knife. Luckily he was able to save her from more harm.
EMS were called. I don't know if Police or Paramedic were dispatched or both.
The end result was the Father was taken into hospital for psych eval in the geriatric pysch ward. After Ax, medications trialled, transfered to a locked memory care ward for permanent care.
This was done for everyone's safety.
The son was in danger. His Mother was in danger. Any other visiting relative was in danger. Any support worker or tradesperson arriving ar the home was in danger.
Dementia is awul. And yes people with dementia can do awful things, especially when afraid.
You must take action.
See All Answers