I am the caregiver for my mom. I have 2 siblings who I spoke with and asked for help because my mom needs a double lung transplant and it seems too much for me to handle alone. I never wanted to be her caregiver, she has never been a good mother. Not the kind that says mean things but the kind that is self involved, depressed all her life and always saying things like "If I could I would help you" and she expects me to say "oh well, you weren't there for me but at least you wanted to be" No, I don't buy that lazy parenting and I really dislike her for hiding behind words.
I would actually rather her be nasty to me so I would not feel any guilt for not liking her. She's the victim always and never takes responsibility for how she makes me feel. She doesn't help herself, I have to care for everything for her. I have to see her eat unhealthy even though I've asked her not to. I have to see her watch tv all day and not even try to learn english so she eventually becomes independent. Her getting new lungs feels like so much more work for me and it's all for her to just sit on her @ss and say I am not able. She'll be a burden on me for the rest of her life, why would I care to prolong that?
I am pregnant now and all this resentment is preventing me from being happy and I take it out on my husband. I am willing to say now that she has to leave my house and ask my siblings to help pay for another place for her to live. They might not have the money but I can't just tell the doctors I am no longer helping her with the transplant and continue to have her in my home dying. That is too much for me to see happen in my home. I have to care for my sanity and my baby on the way and I feel crazy and angry all the time.
I don't really need for people to reassure I am not a bad person because I know I'm not. I just want to know what to do when thoughts of regret start to come because I hear her coughing and I start feeling guilty and I can actually go through with enforcing my boundaries. I know the consequences will be her dying. I feel like that's her choice in the end but it's hard to do because she hides behind a helpless poor sick woman unable to care for herself. Maybe now she is actually helpless but before when she wasn't she did nothing to not be a burden to me so I am so sick of it.