How can I cope with elderly mother with dementia who wakes me up 3 or 4 times in the night?

My mother is 90 and lives by herself next door to me. She has some minor decline in mental capacity but can be by herself. She had a period where she was calling me in the middle of the night around 2 or 3 days each week. She thought she heard someone calling for help and thought she was in a nursing home and that no one was coming to help the person. I would tell her she was ok and at home and to go back to bed and that it was a dream. I started on a routine schedule. I make her get out of bed before I go to work and give her a good breakfast and her morning meds. I have her do exercises everyday. She's been going to an adult day care two days a week for social activities and they just started to do physical therapy that her doctor approved. I wanted to be proactive when she had fallen recently to keep her moving. A girl stops in twice a week for a couple of hours to visit with her and they sometimes do crafts, etc. I started giving her vitamin D and B12 as well as fish oil daily. I make sure she eats a well rounded dinner and takes her evening meds. I also switched her to decafe coffee. She's been taking the B12, fish oil and decafe coffee daily for about six weeks. I've only had one call in the middle of the night in the past four weeks and those were the only changes I have made recently. I believe exercise, nutrition, socialization and routine are really helping in my mother's case. I've noticed a real difference this past year after starting all of the above.

Have you ever tried melatonin? Works wonders for my mom and son. Ask her doctor. Its natural bc we produce it. But if levels r low, makes it harder to sleep. I get the 5 mg gummies. Maybe give her 2 but look online if an adult can take more mg. Good luck. Sleep deprived affects everything in your life..

My husband has been doing the same thing. He gets dressed and comes down the hall. I started giving him Melatonin and it is helping most nights. I have thought of Xanax....I got a few pills from my doctor to calm me down. Actually, I have wondered about giving it to him in the day time as he just sits and repeats over and over "I want to go out" even though I have taken him for a drive 30 minutes before. It is driving me crazy. Good luck!

You are a saint and it doesn’t get any better. Try melatonin for her if you haven’t already. Maybe keep her up as late as possible. I share staying over nite with my sister but she does 3 weeks to my one. Our mother is 97 and very healthy.

Oh Adriana, I’m so sorry but well done for being there for your Mom.

i went through the same thing with my Mother. I consulted with her primary care Dr & Neurologist. They prescribed a low dose Xanax to be taken at night.

It was just enough to calm the agitation and let us all get some sleep which helped keeping everything calm.

Check that it wouldn’t be a problem with anything else she is taking, but it may help you both.

Best wishes.

When Mom got worse it was time for the assisted living with memory care,,,, she wore me out and nearly escaped twice-- waiting out front for the bus back to her home town in knee deep snow... even my door alarms and baby cam did not make a difference. There comes a time for a positive change. Go for it ! They have a night charge nurse who will gladly put her right back to bed. Eventually she will succumb to the routine at the place in order to be up for breakfast. Or not...
But do not even think anyone will help--- especially family. Most family has no concept of the great responsibility of caring for a Mom with dementia.

There are some very good suggestions on this site. If you cannot afford a group home or senior care home, having overnight caretakers is an excellent option. The average cost a month for senior care at a facility is about a low of $5,000.00 a month in Michigan. Many are $6,000.00 to $7,500.00 a month. If you could pay overnight caregivers at your home you might have to pay $1,500.00 to $2,000.00 if you can find reliable people. I liked the idea of baby gates,

Everyone needs rest. Even God almighty rested on the 7th day! That’s proof enough how important rest is and how we all need and deserve rest.

I can relate. Before you take it out on her,look up the Berberine Enhanced. Give her one capsule in yogurt or apple sauce. She will sleep all night. It is a healthy supplement. Or you can give her a 4 tablespoons of tart cherry juice (organic), It will help her rest. I been in your shoes. My mom would get up go to the restroom about 6 times and really didn't have to go and go downstairs and sit in a chair. You have to do something to help her and save yourself. My mom still lives with me but it is a lot better in that way.

Oh my goodness, I have the exact situation and problems with my mother and family members. I can't wait to get some good solutions also.

Your uninterrupted sleep is crucial for your physical as well as mental health, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!  With that said (and I know what I'm talking about here) your mother's dementia will get worse and you are not equipped to take care of her 24/7, which is going to happen soon.  She definitely needs specialized care in a good Memory Care Community.  Please take the advise of someone who knows (father passed with Alzheimer's Dementia/Parkinsons).  Please do so sooner than later.

Hi Adriana
i know your plight well. I don’t know if THC or CBD is legal in your state but you might try giving her an edible of THC. Worked wonderful for my mom and she sleeps through the night now. It takes anywhere from 1 to 3 hours after its ingested to take effect.

Now i only give her about twice twice a week and she still sleeps through.

Dementia is so hard to deal with. I now video her doctor appts so when she argues about what said I show her the video.

Good luck and do try to find some respite or you will start resenting her. I think hospice will come stay for a couple of days.

Sounds like Malky lived with her mother forever and never left home.

Malky come stay and live with my mother since you have all this ambition and live on no sleep!!!

Sleep deprivation is brutal especially when you can't go back to sleep. I'd look for some guidance from her MD...maybe a med or non-med that might help HER sleep through the night. Definitely a lock on your door! With us mom has her own interpretation of sundowning which happened before the time change and seems less of a confusion to more of a "I'll do whatever I want!" desire/attitude. So she is going to bed earlier. I work till 5 and on the nights I make dinner, sometimes she will go up (typically between 6 and 7 PM ) to bed. Then dad goes up to fetch her, she comes down with her "oh, so much food" comment, will stand beside the chair sampling like a chef and whether it deems her worthy enough to sit her ass down...Then she will go back up after Wheel of Fortune. Too many nights she will be up between 2 and 3. She does not wander...but she wanders in the house turning on lights, looking outside to see if the newspaper has arrived, set the table for their breakfast and UNlock our patio door which she thinks is locking it. When she goes down and passes our locked door, she makes my pup WOOF. When she comes back up it is the same. ANd then I go to myself...oh s__*...because I have to go lock the door again and turn the lights out. We're getting a secondary sliding type lock put on soon, hopefully placed high enough for her not to reach or figure out so that I can know the door is still locked. Even if you were able to partake of the family caregiver support program, I can't see what help it might be...but you never know. Wishing you luck...

You need respite badly, though you'll keep needing it unless you try to change this dynamic.

You will never get used to it.. you are going to feel burn out
I have been there and I got sick, now I have anxiety and.sometimes panic attack. You need help,.time.out for yourself. I hope you can get social.services to help.you navigate and get you some assistant

Needstowash- easy does it, you are so amazing you’ll soon be hired as an overnight nurse to finish your “education”. 🤣

I have been giving my husband Melatonin every evening and it has helped with the nighttime getting up and calling for me to get him out to someplace. It is over the counter and is something our bodies make. Hospice nurse said it was fine to give it to him.

I would recommend getting a caregiver, but I'm having so much trouble getting them to come to work that I'm under more stress from them and not my mother.

Sorry, I had not read the other comments. I had asked for sleeping meds for my mom. Our doctor refused. In the elderly, that sets them up for falls, and broken bones. We did use a melatonin supplement but the medical profession, I felt had a very sound reason for not offering a prescription sleep aid.

I'm not one for adding meds to an elderly person's usually already burdened liver load, but I think a long acting sleep aid might be in order for your mother. Sleep deprivation can literally drive people to the point of wanting to end it all. Been there, done that. Please don't wait until it reaches that point. Just make sure it's not a black box warning drug.

Sounds like mom is having sundowners. Is she on meds? I switched my mom to my primary care after hers took early retirement and never once offer meds for her. Just said it was age, Mom would get up and be in another place and time. EVERY night. AFter the switch in doctors, my primary immediately detected her dementia/alz. Started her slowly on meds and we increased to the full dose over time. The night time waking up STOPPED. I was able to get a full night's sleep most every night. She would occasionally wake up to go to bathroom, but she was no longer trying to escape. Might want to ask her DR.

Milky,

Babies grow up and become independent children that sleep through the night. Older adults regress and need more attention.

You are certainly entitled to your opinion and deserve to live life as a martyr but most people would definitely disagree with you.

Our health is equally important to the elder. Some caregivers drop dead! Is that a viable option? Don’t think so.

You NEED to have some peace and quiet. AND sleep!!

I agree with idea of seeing if she can take something to help her sleep a bit and keep her from bothering you so often.

Have someone stay overnight at least a few times a week so you can sleep.

If all else fails, you may have to consider putting her somewhere. It could be better for both of you.

Sorry you are dealing with this.

omg, my mom did that too. I finally had to move out. I told my sisters who are both retired that I couldn't do it anymore. I still work a full time job and being woken up all night long was too much for me. My mom would turn on my light and say hello? or stand outside my door and cough so that I would wake up. It was two or three times a night. I feel so bad that I moved out but I take her now on the weekends. Good luck to you and God bless you!

How did she cope.when you.were a.baby? Same.way, now it's your turn to tend to.her! My mom.lived with me most of her life, died 2 months ago at 101, had.alzheimers for 15 years. Had someone help me half a day but I cooked and fed her until the day before her death. Love her and take care of.her no matter what!!!

CBD Gummies helped my mom for a while - one at bedtime. They seemed to both relax her and help with some chronic pain she has. But things change constantly, and she has good nights and bad, it's hard to predict.

Sounds like you need to "fix" this immediately. Here are a few suggestions:
1 - Make sure she only gets short cat naps during the day - 30 minutes or less. Then, she will be tired at night.

2 - Additional exercise for mom will also help to tire her out.

3 - Ask doctor for some sleeping medications. Try Benadryl 25 mg by mouth at bedtime.

4 - If all else fails, hire a sitter to be with her at night so you can get 7 hours of good sleep.

This is why I will never have my mother live with me. I have stayed at her little apartment overnight, and she's up and down all night, talking loudly to the cat or herself, going to the bathroom, grunting, moaning, etc. She takes a nighttime sleep aid, but it doesn't keep her asleep. No sleep makes for a cranky daughter the next day. It's just like having a sleepless toddler all over again, and I won't put myself through that. I'd rather hire an overnight caregiver to stay at her place when that time comes.