You will just need to wait until something happens. IMO, once the doctor said she had Dementia, he should have reported her to DMV who would have requested her license be handed in. There should be laws to this effect. Its not her rights but the rights of other drivers to be safe on the roads.
Someone needs POA. If she understands what that means, someone may be still able to get it. Tell her its a tool not a control. Just there to be able to help her legally. If she ends up in a hospital, and better rehab, then you have her evaluated for 24/7 care. If needed, then transfer her right from Rehab to assisted living or LTC whatever she can afford. Do not enable her or disable her. She needs to see she can't do it anymore.
APS stands for Adult Protection Agency. LTC Longterm care
No-one can force someone to move.. but there are ways to prepare.
As told to me by a Councillor: Have the chats about various living options. Listen out for Fears. Listen out for Values. Ask what she wants - what is important to her. Add in some flexibility eg if the statement "I want to stay home" is used, add *as long as possible* to it.
Use her values to make a plan.
A social loving person may decline the idea of AL but actually thrive with all the new company. A quieter person may do better with a few trusted aides in rotation as home help. Just ideas.
As told to me by a Social Worker: "Be ready to roll".
- Have legal documents in place (if able). - Advice Doctor of concerns. - Do your own research. Tour places yourself, make a shortlist (or look into an agency service to make a shortlist for you). - Think about your own boundaries. How long will you support living at home? What will the end of 'as long as possible' look like.
Sorry I didn’t see your answer to Alva. Thanks for the additional info. I will leave my post in case it helps with your brainstorming.
Consider leading by example. Ask her to join you in getting your finances and legal work done for now and ask sis to get hers done along with you. It sounds like you are an involved brother. Tell sis that you are concerned for yourself because IF the neurologist sees something coming then you feel you might be vulnerable as well and the two of you have to look after one another. The meds are believed to slow things down and while they can’t turn the clock back it is believed they may help the patient not become incontinent as early. And perhaps not become bed bound. This makes life easier on the caregivers. You need her to do everything she can to think about how this will hit you should those things happen. Tell her you understand she may be frightened. Ask her to look at ALFs with you so that the two of can make plans for the future. ‘If you have been supporting her in everyday ADLs then you may have to pull back a little so that she can realize she isn’t quite as self sufficient as she believes. Let us know what works.
If you enable her by taking over more and more of the things she should be doing for herself, why would she consider assisted living? She'll already have assisting living provided by you. Plus she's going to need memory care soon based on what you describe.
The best way to convince her is to stop doing for her. You're right to be concerned, but the answer to all her problems shouldn't be you.
Can you tell us a bit more about your sister? Who does she live with currently? Does she have a POA? Has she been seen by doctors who have diagnosed her Dementia? What type of dementia does she have? What things are you observing that makes you believe your sister is currently unsafe? Have you tried any remedies so far such as notifying her doctor she is unsafe? Notifying APS that she is unsafe and at risk?
The more you tell us the more we may be able to suggest things to you.
She still lives by herself and drives. She has been diagnosed by a neurologist with moderate cognitive impairment. She gets no exercise and has very little social interaction with other people. She eats poorly and has lost 30 pounds in the last 6months. She frequently forgets to take her medications properly. We have notified her doctor of this with no solution offered. There is a power of attorney with her son as the designee I don't know what APS is.
She is very bad at managing bills and money. We have taken over most of this for her. Her symptoms have been escalating rapidly in the last several months and we are concerned with her continued safety.
If no one is your sisters POA and she's not been deemed incompetent, there really is nothing you can do. Most people have to wait for an "event" to happen before any action can be taken. So hang tight. Guaranteed an event will happen soon enough.
I don't think you can. I had been trying to convince my aunt to go to one and she refuses. She's still home and she got rid of the home care I provided for her. You can keep suggesting, but they never agree to go. I gave up and am just waiting.
Someone needs POA. If she understands what that means, someone may be still able to get it. Tell her its a tool not a control. Just there to be able to help her legally. If she ends up in a hospital, and better rehab, then you have her evaluated for 24/7 care. If needed, then transfer her right from Rehab to assisted living or LTC whatever she can afford. Do not enable her or disable her. She needs to see she can't do it anymore.
APS stands for Adult Protection Agency.
LTC Longterm care
As told to me by a Councillor:
Have the chats about various living options.
Listen out for Fears.
Listen out for Values.
Ask what she wants - what is important to her.
Add in some flexibility eg if the statement "I want to stay home" is used, add *as long as possible* to it.
Use her values to make a plan.
A social loving person may decline the idea of AL but actually thrive with all the new company.
A quieter person may do better with a few trusted aides in rotation as home help. Just ideas.
As told to me by a Social Worker:
"Be ready to roll".
- Have legal documents in place (if able).
- Advice Doctor of concerns.
- Do your own research. Tour places yourself, make a shortlist (or look into an agency service to make a shortlist for you).
- Think about your own boundaries. How long will you support living at home? What will the end of 'as long as possible' look like.
PS I am in this 'awaiting a crises' club too.
I hope this situation ends as best as it possibly can.
Caregiving presents many challenges. Wishing you peace as you navigate through this trying time.
I didn’t see your answer to Alva. Thanks for the additional info. I will leave my post in case it helps with your brainstorming.
Consider leading by example. Ask her to join you in getting your finances and legal work done for now and ask sis to get hers done along with you. It sounds like you are an involved brother. Tell sis that you are concerned for yourself because IF the neurologist sees something coming then you feel you might be vulnerable as well and the two of you have to look after one another. The meds are believed to slow things down and while they can’t turn the clock back it is believed they may help the patient not become incontinent as early. And perhaps not become bed bound. This makes life easier on the caregivers. You need her to do everything she can to think about how this will hit you should those things happen. Tell her you understand she may be frightened. Ask her to look at ALFs with you so that the two of can make plans for the future. ‘If you have been supporting her in everyday ADLs then you may have to pull back a little so that she can realize she isn’t quite as self sufficient as she believes. Let us know what works.
The best way to convince her is to stop doing for her. You're right to be concerned, but the answer to all her problems shouldn't be you.
Can you tell us a bit more about your sister?
Who does she live with currently?
Does she have a POA?
Has she been seen by doctors who have diagnosed her Dementia?
What type of dementia does she have?
What things are you observing that makes you believe your sister is currently unsafe?
Have you tried any remedies so far such as notifying her doctor she is unsafe? Notifying APS that she is unsafe and at risk?
The more you tell us the more we may be able to suggest things to you.
She has been diagnosed by a neurologist with moderate cognitive
impairment.
She gets no exercise and has very little social interaction with other people.
She eats poorly and has lost 30 pounds in the last 6months.
She frequently forgets to take her medications properly.
We have notified her doctor of this with no solution offered.
There is a power of attorney with her son as the designee
I don't know what APS is.
She is very bad at managing bills and money. We have taken over most of this for her.
Her symptoms have been escalating rapidly in the last several months and we are concerned with her continued safety.
Most people have to wait for an "event" to happen before any action can be taken.
So hang tight. Guaranteed an event will happen soon enough.
You can keep suggesting, but they never agree to go. I gave up and am just waiting.