IrishColeen, This was a huge sign to me that my mother needed placement in a memory care facility. I was doing her laundry at the non assisted senior apartment. In the beginning, the "clothing count" seemed right. In the end, however, only one pair of panties and one pair of socks and a few shirts were in a 2 week wash basket. When I confronted her, her first reaction was she didn't know. Then, after I explained that she must not have bathed or changed clothes, she got mad and insulted. I'd noticed the body wash and shampoo weren't being used up either. Along with many other issues, I had to place my mom in a memory facility. Hubby and I were both working and I'm her only child.
After lunch on the first day she was there, she was sleepy, so I took her shoes off so she could lie on the bed. Whew! She must have had the socks on for those 2 weeks!!! I took off her socks and her toenails had grown over the top of her toes and were curling down the back!!! I was mortified. How could I have missed that? But she was still dressing herself.
It's so sad to see the decline in our LO's. I agree with the posters above. Don't try to take the clothes she has on-off her. Wait til she's asleep and take them out of her room. Avoid confrontation if you can. Nobody wins.
IrishColleen, I see from your profile that your Mom lives with you. If you do most of the laundry, just go into her room and get yesterday's clothes while she is still sleeping. Or while she is still in her pj's having breakfast.
With Alzheimer's/Dementia, a person isn't going to remember what they wore the day before. Best not to say anything at all. It's not worth the disagreement.
If Mom can't find her clothes from yesterday, just act surprise and say you will look for the clothes, but in the mean time lets find another outfit you can wear.
I agree with FreqFlyer. The person with dementia is just not able to recall things, nor to reason things out. It's about their lack of capacity. Not that they want to be dirty or disagreeable.
I'd try different approaches to see what works best for her. Even though they may seem to be okay, their minds are just not able to function in ways that keep them clean sometimes. I'd see if she would be open to you laying out her clothes for the next day or set up a time to help her with her changing. You might agree that her clothes are clean, but that you want her in the new ones so you can take her picture or that you are expecting company.
Just leaving it up to her, begging, insisting, etc. usually doesn't work. I'd also be prepared that she may start having other issues too, like not bathing, not wiping, etc. Eventually, they need constant supervision and help. Do you have someone to help you with her care?
It is sad to see. My LO would cry like a child when I explained that she had to bathe, put on clean clothes or wear a bra. I discovered a bandaid that she had left on her toe for many months. She did allow me to remove it. I asked her why she did it. She said she was sorry, but, she didn't know why and that it was not the right thing to do, but, she had no answer for it. So sad.
Since your mother lives with you, it should be relatively easy for you to manage her clothing. If that is the worst issue going on, I don't think she is ready for memory care. Certainly keep that possibility in mind as her decline progresses in the future.
For now, just keep ensuring she has only clean clothes to choose from.
Boy, does this bring back memories! I agree that it's not worth it to fight and try and get them to change. It's one of the first things I noticed with mom. She would wear the same thing everyday. It was either she felt very secure in the clothes or she just couldn't make a decision on what to wear (and she had plenty to choose from believe me!). I think it was the first. It was something she felt comfortable in and she just didn't know what to do with the others. Then it was the bathing. Something she would never had gone without. She was of the generation that got their hair done every week. Boy, not any more. She started letting it grow since she said she had JUST been to the beauty shop which she hadn't in mos. The one time I got her to go (had to tell her she had made an appt and she sure didn't want her hairdresser to think she was a no show even though it was a completely different prson). Anyway, the hairdresser took me aside and said I can't get all the hairspray out of her hair with washing. I told her to do the best she could then cut it out. It looked so good when we left and my mother never even remembered she had had the long hair and it was quite a bit shorter. Long story how or when I got her to a facility but this is the beginning for you. So my suggestion also is to wash her clothes when she is not looking and also and this really helped me......don't have a lot of clothes. The fewer the better on her and YOU since you are doing the laundry now. Good luck and God Bless
IrishColleen, Started out with underclothing with my mom. Since I usually wake up before my mom. I would replace her underclothing before she got up, with fresh underclothing. Soon after it became all her clothing. After I remove her underclothing from the room, I will simply ask her if she has any dirty clothes she needs washed, as I am trying to fill the washer with light colors. So far so good. Funny thing this morning she said, oh no you grabbed my shirt, I had my underpants in it, with a pad. I told its ok. I found the pad and through it in the garbage, it was dirty. The underpants are in the wash machine. To her relief, I didn't wash the pad. On a daily basis she doesn't notice, her clothes, or her underclothing missing. Today, reading this question. I had to laugh. You got this! If she isn't remembering to change them. Chances are she won't remember what she wore the day before. One more tip... Have the same color underwear, or clothing to swap. Hope this helps. Praying all goes smoothly.
Some elders have lost their olfactory sense, aka, sense of smell. That said, they cannot tell that they have an odor about them. I had to pull my mother aside and say "would you rather hear it from me that you have an odor about you or from your best friend, Evelyn?" So you may want to tell your mother this in a gentle way, naturally.
Would she remember if you divert her attention to something else and then start all over by saying she's been wearing the same clothes for too long. Would she remember that you just asked her. Try to make it fun. Mother and I coordinate clothes with each other every day. Pick out the color from her wardrobe that you are wearing so you can dress like Mother/ Daughter.
Consider yourself blessed that your loved one will change her clothes at all. My FIL refuses to shower or change his clothes for any reason even to put on pajamas for sleeping. He states he wants to be “ready for anything that should come up”. He is an angry, mean individual and as his dementia progresses his aggression is only getting worse. Fortunately we were lucky enough to find a CNA to come every two days to bathe and put clean clothes on him afterward. It’s still a struggle as he stalls for lengths of times and uses language that would make your ears melt but for some reason, he will allow this guy to talk him into it most days he comes. Arguing with someone that has dementia/ Alzheimer’s is pointless so you have to be one step ahead and come up with “work arounds”. Tell your loved one whatever you need to to make the situation a nonissue. Other posters came up with some creative ideas. Try any and all of them to see what can work for your situation. Good luck
This was a huge sign to me that my mother needed placement in a memory care facility.
I was doing her laundry at the non assisted senior apartment. In the beginning, the "clothing count" seemed right. In the end, however, only one pair of panties and one pair of socks and a few shirts were in a 2 week wash basket. When I confronted her, her first reaction was she didn't know. Then, after I explained that she must not have bathed or changed clothes, she got mad and insulted. I'd noticed the body wash and shampoo weren't being used up either.
Along with many other issues, I had to place my mom in a memory facility. Hubby and I were both working and I'm her only child.
After lunch on the first day she was there, she was sleepy, so I took her shoes off so she could lie on the bed. Whew! She must have had the socks on for those 2 weeks!!! I took off her socks and her toenails had grown over the top of her toes and were curling down the back!!! I was mortified. How could I have missed that? But she was still dressing herself.
It's so sad to see the decline in our LO's. I agree with the posters above. Don't try to take the clothes she has on-off her. Wait til she's asleep and take them out of her room. Avoid confrontation if you can. Nobody wins.
With Alzheimer's/Dementia, a person isn't going to remember what they wore the day before. Best not to say anything at all. It's not worth the disagreement.
If Mom can't find her clothes from yesterday, just act surprise and say you will look for the clothes, but in the mean time lets find another outfit you can wear.
I'd try different approaches to see what works best for her. Even though they may seem to be okay, their minds are just not able to function in ways that keep them clean sometimes. I'd see if she would be open to you laying out her clothes for the next day or set up a time to help her with her changing. You might agree that her clothes are clean, but that you want her in the new ones so you can take her picture or that you are expecting company.
Just leaving it up to her, begging, insisting, etc. usually doesn't work. I'd also be prepared that she may start having other issues too, like not bathing, not wiping, etc. Eventually, they need constant supervision and help. Do you have someone to help you with her care?
For now, just keep ensuring she has only clean clothes to choose from.
After I remove her underclothing from the room, I will simply ask her if she has any dirty clothes she needs washed, as I am trying to fill the washer with light colors. So far so good.
Funny thing this morning she said, oh no you grabbed my shirt, I had my underpants in it, with a pad. I told its ok. I found the pad and through it in the garbage, it was dirty. The underpants are in the wash machine. To her relief, I didn't wash the pad. On a daily basis she doesn't notice, her clothes, or her underclothing missing.
Today, reading this question. I had to laugh. You got this!
If she isn't remembering to change them. Chances are she won't remember what she wore the day before. One more tip... Have the same color underwear, or clothing to swap. Hope this helps. Praying all goes smoothly.
My FIL refuses to shower or change his clothes for any reason even to put on pajamas for sleeping. He states he wants to be “ready for anything that should come up”.
He is an angry, mean individual and as his dementia progresses his aggression is only getting worse.
Fortunately we were lucky enough to find a CNA to come every two days to bathe and put clean clothes on him afterward. It’s still a struggle as he stalls for lengths of times and uses language that would make your ears melt but for some reason, he will allow this guy to talk him into it most days he comes.
Arguing with someone that has dementia/ Alzheimer’s is pointless so you have to be one step ahead and come up with “work arounds”.
Tell your loved one whatever you need to to make the situation a nonissue.
Other posters came up with some creative ideas. Try any and all of them to see what can work for your situation.
Good luck
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