I live with my 72 year old mother and daughter but recently got remarried. My husband is building a brand new, one level apartment addition with his own money for my mother on the back of his house and I chose not to move with my husband until it is completed. He is very understanding that I don't want to leave my mother alone. She has some joint replacements and cannot walk too well. My mother hates me now and tells me I chose my husband over her because I am forcing her to move somewhere she doesn't want to into a smaller space. She doesn't want to move out of the home we have for 42 years in a failing neighborhood without even a downstairs bedroom or bathroom. She is so negative, everything I do is wrong. She makes terrible comments constantly and I feel so drained, guilty and unable to start my life. I am waiting to move and not even living with my husband for her and he is taking every last cent of his money for this addition for her! I dont know how to act anymore at home. I feel so drained and just feel like crying all the time. If I try to stand up to her she says its my husband's fault and he ruined our relationship and that I would never have talked to her in the past that way. I feel hopeless!
You say your husband is building a Mother-in-law suite - how generous of him! He must love you very much. Now, you need to tell your Mother that you love her and you are doing all you can to care for her. Furthermore, if she doesn't change her attitude, you will have to make choices that are best for your daughter and husband. You don't mention any siblings, so I assume you don't have anyone to help you.
Dear precious young lady - you love your Mother and that's obvious, but she is robbing you of your happiness and if you don't take a stand, she will continue to make you miserable. I personally, would look into a nursing home for her. God give you strength.
I agree with the other poster in that a nursing home might be a better alternative for your mom. Not to punish her but so you can have your life back without her negativity and meanness. It will only get worse and regardless of how nice the addition to the house will be your mom will not be satisfied. Ever.