How can I carry on?
My mother has narcissistic personality disorder all her life and as children we had a truly horrible childhood, devalued, mocked and forbidden to love our father under pain of her wrath. I left home at 17 and made my own way in life. Later in life I have tried to forgive her and understand her mental health problem and have been a conscientious and loving distance carer for her. Mild dementia has made her condition worse but I have tried to negotiate this kindly and calmly. However emotional abuse has continued and earlier this week she said she hated my husband for being ill as it got in the way of my visiting her. Today after abusive phone calls asking why I didn't answer her calls I told her I was at the hospital with my husband who is having treatment for cancer. She said she hoped he died of it soon as then I would be more available to her. I am so shocked and upset but have to be controlled as I don't want to upset my husband who also has Parkinson's. I really don't think I can face my mother again. All my childhood has returned to me in a rush like a nightmare. Really don't know what to do.
I'm glad you were smart enough to leave home when you did. Your only priorities should be your husband, yourself and your children(if you have any). PERIOD!!!
Please don't let the woman who birthed you guilt you into her care now that she is older. She has made her bed and now she will have to lie in it.
And while I am a firm believer in forgiveness, as that's what the Bible teaches us is the right thing to do, it doesn't mean that you have to continue to have her in your life after everything she's put you through. That just isn't healthy in any way.
Perhaps it's time to talk to a therapist or counselor to try and figure out why it is you feel that you owe her anything, and hopefully in time can find peace in the boundaries you set with her.
I pray for healing of your husbands cancer and healing for you as well from your traumatic childhood. May God bless you and keep you.
Really, Mom has done good at a 101. From some of your words I assume you are from England so ur health system is quite different than ours here on the State but there are a few like Country Mouse who live in the UK.
There will come a time it won't be what Mom wants it will be what she needs. As her Dementia progresses she will need more help. Don't let her believe that u and sister are her help. She may not be able to stay in her home and you should not live with her or her live with you. It will not work. At that point, she needs a Care home.