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Mom and Dad signed their house over to me..life estate...mom died and dad gives me a hassle about it. Family constatally fusses at me ....dad has alzheimers dibeteas parkinsons....noone in the family will releive me help me .....its all emotionally difficult to deal with....i put my life on hold .....my wife told me to go to my parents and help them....now ive lost her.....mom died oct 23 2013 since then i have been doiing the best i can with dad....he is in the hospital now....noone will even come to releive me there...to spoon feed dad.....what do i do......how can i get the finacial help needed to fix my home to make it ready for dad when he comes jome?

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Harley - you do have a choice as your siblings do. Jeanne is spot-on on this.

If dad is in a facility with 24/7 caregivers, why are you "spoon-feeding"? There is staff there to do that. You are not there 24/7 for doing Dad's care plan and Dad needs to establish a eating pattern with the staff. Let staff do their job.

Now about finding the funds to re-do the house. If the property is still in your parents name - (most life estate's have it such that they retain ownership till their death, you need to carefully read the document to see what exactly it is for your situation) - then Dad will have to be the one to apply for any loan. One easy way to see ownership is to look at the tax bill, if it still reads your parents name, it's theirs. You are not the owner till his death. It sounds like Dad would be incapable of going to the bank to apply for a loan, etc. If this is the situation then unfortunately your choices are limited. You can spend your own funds to do the renovation and have a memorandum of understanding or a contract between you & Dad, that all the $ spent on the house will be fully reimbursed to you upon his death from any asset he has upon death (like if he has a life insurance policy). You do need to have all this done by an attorney so that there are no glitches in probate.
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What exactly do you need done to acommodate your father's living needs in the home?
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I agree with Jeanne and Pam, please don't take on more care than you are capable of...

If really feel that you have no choice but to bring him home and you own the home then you will need to apply for a home improvement loan..
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Harley, we would love to give you more choices. Habitat for Humanity often helps disabled seniors modify their homes. Even local building inspectors have programs to help seniors out. The problem here is that Dad gave the home away. He has pretty much backed both of you into a corner.
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myharley73, your said ".i have no choice but care for him 24/7.....
As i said my 2 sisters and my millionaire brother all refuse to help me."

How did your siblings get a choice about whether to care for him and you didn't? The fact is, you do have a choice. Seeing this as something you HAVE to do just makes the situation worse.

If your choice is to bring him home, and you need some financial aid to do that, talk to the discharge coordinator as Pam suggests, start the Medicaid application process that we've both suggested. Talk to the social worker in the hospital. Call social services in your county and ask for a needs assessment.

Caring for a loved one who needs 24-hour care is a huge commitment for one person. You both might be better off if he is in a place with three shifts of care available, and you can visit as a loving adult child and not be his hands-on caregiver. But that is your choice.

Bring him home or find him a suitable place. Either way it sounds like you'll need to arrange financial aid for him.
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The house is my house
Dad never was a vetern
I dont think jenniegibbs you really read and understand what i was saying
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Of course you have a choice! If he has money, that can and should be used for his care. If he has no funds then you need to help him apply for Medicaid, whether he stays in a care center or comes home. I am sure you are feeling overwhelmed and your intentions are first-rate, but to refuse to see that you have choices is irresponsible. It is not good for Dad and it is not good for you.

Once you consider all your options, you MIGHT decide that you want to care for Dad in his home, but with plenty of in-home help. But that is certainly not to only decision open to you.

It might be a good first step to consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law, to help you understand some of your options.
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Talk to the discharge coordinator about his care. You certainly have a choice to apply for Medicaid to cover the nursing home costs. You can sell his house and use the money to pay for his care.
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He was not a war vet.......i have no choice but care for him 24/7.....
As i said my 2 sisters and my millionaire brother all refuse to help me
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If your dad was a wartime vet, call the VA for help. Don't plan on bringing him home, no single person can do the work of three shifts of nurses. He will need a nursing home, and possibly Hospice. Take this one day at a time.
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