How can I best help my parents with dementia changes?

Follow
Share

If anyone has personal experience with their elder parents (my Dad and Mom, 79 and 76), I would appreciate any suggestions you may have in how to best help them! My Dad has always worked hard and my Mom always supported him in all ways. My Dad lost his business 20 years ago and went through a lot of changes, including high depression, prostate cancer, losing another business, their home, and now having to care for my Mom 24/7. However in the last year, he has shown himself inept at her care. I lived with them for the past 5 years of all this and it has become clear that he is overwhelmed, grieving, and angry at me and my siblings for helping her move away from him. He threatened to report us to the police and we ended up giving her back but things have increasingly gotten worse for my Mom. For almost a year now, I've been living close by but not with them anymore. My Dad's control over her has been horrendous, he has medical power of attorney of her and keeps her medicated in an attempt to maintain her anxiety level. Recently, though, she is refusing to take even these. Now for the past week he's involving his new renter and the police, asking them to come in and force her to take the medications. In the last year, I haven't seen her for more than an hour at a time, and never without my Dad's presence. I've been so worried this past week as he's begun correspondencia by end-all again and completely isolating Mom from us, especially me and my sisters. He hasn't allowed any phone calls or visits in this last week and I'm so worried that he'll put her in a home, hidden from us, or worse that she'll die without any of us around to let her know that we love her!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
16

Answers

Show:
To help my parents with dementia i will send them to senior home care wherein they will undergo treatment programs that would be helpful in their fast recovery. adultdaycarerenco is capable in helping seniors with dementia.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks a bunch
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Ruth, I've made a note to look up the number first thing tomorrow. It's easier for me to spot it more quickly during the daytime.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Garden u are in my area can you share that number. It may come in handy. Thanks Ruth
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Please take everyone's advice and call APS. However, I am confused about something. He called police to force her to take medicine? Did they actually help him for her to take medicine she clearly didn't want to take? In that case you need to have a discussion with the chief of police, and perhaps the local newspaper. There is no reason a police officer should be forcing someone to take medicine.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I learned from reps of the local PD about 6 weeks ago at a local senior expo that there's a priority alternative to 911. It's for non-emergency calls that require EMS assistance, but aren't life threatening.

You might want to check that out as it might be a temporary alternative to calling 911. And ask them directly how to handle these kinds of incidents in the future.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Trust me, even if you unsuccessfully try to intervene, if he keeps calling 911 for non-emergent things, the police & EMS will see to it that whatever necessary agencies are brought in to rectify the situation. I've seen it done many times as it "wastes" 911 resources to go out on these calls and, even if they don't go to the residence, the non-emergent phone calls jamming up the system are seen as a public safety hazard because it prevents those with true emergencies from getting through in a timely manner.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Dear Up and Out 5,
you are in a very difficult situation, I will pray for you and your family. Take care of your mom. Everyone who has responded to your question has given you great advice, reach out to APS. Don't give up, you have your siblings to support you and help you with your concerns, APS will listen.
Good luck and lots of blessings.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Get APS involved.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Does your mom have an opinion on this? Maybe she can just say she wants out and then you can help her get out. I called Adult Protective services on a bed ridden 93 year old who's hoarder daughter moved in and filled her place to where an aid got hurt by tumbling stuff. They said they couldn't do anything because the 93 year old was okay with her daughter's hoarding. I said she's stuck in her bed. She can't even see what is going on. Disappointing. I would just get her out of there, and let the chips fall....
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions