How can I be free?

1) you should not be doing this for free. You should have a contract with dad to be paid for the caregiving that you are doing.
2) You can not do this all by yourself. In addition to paying you your dad should hire another caregiver to come in at least 2 days a week to give you a break. (3 or 4 days would be better)
3) as your dad declines will you be able to care for him? I should say can you SAFELY care for him? If not it might be time to look for Memory Care facilities. If mom resists his moving to memory care you might have to seek guardianship if she is not going to care for him.
A home nurse is probably not necessary but a caregiver is. If you hire someone through an agency the cost of a nurse would be outrageous.
Also ... because it is me responding have you thought about finding out if dad is eligible for Hospice? You would get supplies and equipment. You would get a Nurse that would come in 1 time a week to check on him (more often if it is needed) you would also have a CNA that would come 2 or 3 times a week to bathe him, help with other tasks as needed and order supplies. The CNA is there about 1 hour, 2 at most. But it would give you a break.
If dad is a Veteran the VA might have some help available as well. If you are not sure contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission and they will help you. (this service is free) They can let you know what your dad is eligible for. It may be a little help or a LOT but it is worth a call to find out.

The more knowledge you have on the choices you can make - the better you will feel about making them. The last 12-13 months have been difficult for everyone but I believe it has been hard on caregivers. Friends and family do not want to put you and your father because of covid.

I am caregiver to my spouse and I stay up 2 hours later every night to unwind - it really helps. Your Agency on Aging might have resources to share and your social service department where you live as well.

Find some movies you can have a good laugh with - keep in contact with this forum. They have some great contributors. Order a new something for yourself, take a bubble bath, give yourself a redo over. Lose yourself in a book.

Take care and you will find a solution.

Sounds like you're just running on autopilot right now. You need help, as does your dad. You can't continue on as things are. You're only one person, and your dad I'm sure requires more care than you alone can provide. Have dad pay for some in home help several days a week, so you can get away and do some fun things you enjoy.(yes, you still can do funs things with Covid around)But realistically, you probably need to be looking into placing him in the appropriate facility. I don't think you will truly have any "peace" or "be free" until you do. I wish you the best in this difficult time. God bless you.

I think that you can only get peace when you accept that this is not your job to do. That your Dad requires placement. That you have your own life to live and take care of. You can still visit and you can still just love your Dad to death. But if you want to consider giving up the next decade or more (you don't here mention his age) you have decisions to make for your own life. After you make those decisions then it is time to inform your Mom. She is likely caring for her brother because she LOVES her brother; it seems she doesn't love her husband now, so it is understandable she would not want to be his caregiver. Let her know when you decide your choice, and if it is to leave, give her time to act. She as the next of kin is I imagine the POA? She will have decisions of her own to make.
Your Dad would want you to live your own life is my guess. You have to make your own decisions. None will be without pain. Your Mom has already bowed out. That won't change. My guess is she stays married thinking there will be some benefit to her, esp if YOU can keep dad out of 24/7 care . Sorry. You are going to have to stand strong for yourself. I sure hope you have support. This is a lot of grief for you to bear.

If Mom is the same age, caring for him was probably overwhelming. Mom should not have been helping you, you should have been helping her.

I understand where you are coming from but you need help.

I would first see a lawyer about splitting your parents assets if they have any. There was a post a while back where its easier to take half the money out of savings and checking before filing for divorce than after. Meaning if Mom and Dad have joint accounts, he should take half now and open up a separate acct. It has been known that one spouse takes it all leaving the other spouse with no money. This is something I would consult with a lawyer about. Because u may want to reroute Dads SS payment. This may help in getting Medicaid services based on Dads income only.

If Dad can afford it, get an aide. Ask around, I had a great one I knew from Church. Even a few hours a day will give u time to yourself. If Dad can't afford it, try Medicaid for in home. You won't know if it will work if you don't try.

Hello Caregiver, tough situation but you need to take time for yourself. How about trying to arrange a family meeting with other family members to discuss your dad, home care might be a good choice, hire a aide a few times per week for a few hours, or a nice facility close to you. Caregiving 24/7 without a break will eventually affect your health and then what will your dad do. What if you get sick, who will take over? Need a plan now. I take care of my 98 year old mother and I could not do it alone now. I did care for my mom for eight years but was not total care like now. I have two family members that help a lot, they live with us. I know what you mean I have other siblings that do not lift a finger but learned long ago to let it go, can't force anyone to help. In my experience most caregivers are trustworthy, Perhaps a nanny camera might be a good idea if dad agrees to it. This might give you peace of mind. It is wonderful you have a great relationship with your dad and you both are close. Hope you find a good solution. Wishing you and your dad the best. Take care of yourself.