How can I possibly be experiencing caregiver burnout after only 6 weeks?

We hear people talk about how sharp granny is at 98 or 101 but the truth is most are not very sharp at this point. At that age even without diagnosed dementia, old folks can be very hurtful and not able to reason.

My mom is 87 and still pretty "Sharp" but I'm amazed sometimes by things she will blurt out.

You have to grow a think skin. Consider the source and take it with a grain of salt.

It sounds to me as though you've had your feelings badly hurt. Different from burnout, but painful all the same. Don't think it makes you an inadequate caregiver!!!

Apart from the mother angle, are you happy with the move?

You may not be experiencing burnout but are having second thoughts and regrets. That was a big decision to move but nothing says you have to be wedded to that decision if indeed you feel it wasn’t the right one. Reality has hit you and the "honeymoon" has worn off. You and your brothers could also hire a "carer" to do what assistance you feel is needed. Now, if your mom says NO to that as so many do, guess what, it’s your life and your choice. She can’t dictate to you how to spend the rest of your life. She’s been fortunate to have 98 years on this planet and stay independent. So my advice is come to grips with why you are there.. ask the social worker at the place where you are to come in and have a sit down with the two of you and get things ironed out. If that doesn’t work, then my suggestion is to move out unless you want her to control your life. This will not get easier.

How old are you,,, I am 68 be watching my mom for 6 to almost 7 years,,,, she is 95,,,, Brother died 4 years ago and my sister 3 months ago none of them helped or even would show up,,I am totally burnt out get an aid 3 times a week for hour and half all that is time to get to the but I take it,,, get away any chance you can,,, pus I get up at 4 to have 3 hours or 4 to myself

If you lived "halfway across the country" I imagine that your relationship with your mom has been limited to phone calls and occasional visits for a long time. I think there is nothing inherently wrong with your urge to reconnect with her, but your expectation that she would welcome an absent child who swoops in to change a system that (to her mind at least) has been working just fine is a little bit of a naive fantasy. She doesn't want a bossy new minder. You are suffering culture shock from the move, from giving up your job and friends. You don't say what your brothers think about any of this.

My advice - give it some time. Back off a little, be there for her, but just as a good neighbour and friend. I think you may be filling your thoughts and time with her care and perceived needs because you left a full life and now have a void to fill. Take time to settle yourself and find things to occupy you separate from your mom and sibs, when you have outside supports it will be less hurtful to be rejected.

W/o knowing what she said, the relationship between the two of you before you moved, and now, as well as the relationship between you and your siblings, it's really hard to give you advice.

But it sounds as if you were very disturbed by the conversation. Can you put it in perspective in relation to your mother's condition? Did you discuss it with your brothers, and was the conversation of a nature that they had experienced as well? What were their thoughts? How long has it been since you were involved with her on a more regular basis?

How do your brothers feel about your moving here? Were they aware of your plans before you moved?

I think you really need to give this a chance so you can put it in perspective before making a decision. If you haven't seen her in years, any changes, and anything she might say that's negative, need to really be put in perspective.

And ask yourself what your plans would be if you do feel that moving was a mistake? Would you move out of the same building or back to the area you left?

These are big decisions; give the situation some time to figure out more about what might be going on.